Raising Justice and Grace

Something Rare

2010-10-01T08:14:00.000-07:00

I know! I rarely ever post. Shame. But I'm also aware that I'm allowing a valuable opportunity to do some self-therapy slip by when I don't. ever. post. C'est La Vie....

Gracie's now 7 months. Can you believe it? I can't. I saw a picture of the girl just the other day of when she was brand spankin' new and it made me weepy a bit. I have loved every minute with this girl and with her brother. She's up on all fours now. You can tell she's trying to go somewhere but having a hard time getting her hands and knees to cooperate. I think buying baby gates are in order for this weekend. I know I should already have them. Oh well! She's eating solids now and literally lapping it up. She loves food! She's a bit like her mommy. She's still sleeping through the night - thank you LORD! - and she's more beautiful every single day! She has also kept her beautiful blue eyes which makes me ecstatic. I love her.

Big Boy J - he's the smile in my heart most days. He's so much fun right now. He asks questions constantly (not always that much fun) and he makes up his own songs all the time. I LOVE IT!!! I love sitting in the front seat of the car and hearing him make up a song about the weather, or a gorilla, or the other London Bridge, or about Baby Graaaaaaaace! Speaking of her, he's a fantastic big brother. I thought it would wear off, the love he has for her but it hasn't. He still longs to hold her and kiss her and hug her. He loves having company in the back seat while he's riding. He talks to her all the time. Yesterday, I caught him trying to pick her up and put her back on her mat. Yeah....we're going to have to nip that in the bud. But, he's trying to be so helpful. That title, by the way, he loves. He loves being your Big Helper. So, I capitalize on that one ALL THE FREAKIN' TIME!!! He does, however, have a defiant streak that is only kept in check by the threat of losing a book to read at bedtime. That'll make him move! He's just so much fun right now.

On a side note - his arm is doing great! Next week is his last week of physcial therapy and I'm pretty sure he's going to miss it when it's gone. "Why?" you ask. Check out Marty's recent twitter updates with video feed attached. As my brother commented, "Now I want an injury!"

School started this semester and so far, I'm managing the extra load. It's not always easy but Marty makes it so much more doable. He picks up so much of the extra stuff that I used to do but now can't that I'm overwhelmed by the generosity of it all. He's my biggest cheerleader and I love him that much more because of it. I do tend to keep my head in the books nowadays which can make doing the fun stuff we use to do a bit more rare but it doesn't seem to effect J or G at all.

We're in a good place and I'm going to hold on to it for as long as I can. By the way, today is October 1 and I can't tell you how much in love I am with the Fall. It's time for pumpkin everything - soup, pie, bread, whoopie pies, all of it. I'm trying my darndest to think of a time when we can do a bit of camping this month or maybe early next month but can't seem to come up with a date. I can't WAIT for the leaves to start changing. They're so pretty!

Happy Fall!

The One Armed Bandit Strikes!!

2010-06-30T13:57:00.000-07:00

So, for those of you who don't know, Justice broke his arm last week. He was climbing down the ladder of a bunk bed and either jumped or fell and broke his humurus. Broke it so bad that he had to have two pins put in. He rode in an ambulance and had an IV and everything. The morphine made him see weird things and his Mommy and Daddy did not do as well as he did - to be honest. I know accidents happen but it sucks when they happen so close to home.

So, vacation was a bust for us.

When we got home from vacation and this ordeal, we were a little afraid to put him back in daycare so soon after the accident. After a few phone calls to his teachers, they assured us that he would be okay. So, off he went.

This morning, I was taking Gracie to her class. As I was handing her teacher everything that comes with Gracie, she told me that the day before, she was watching the kids play on the playground. While they were out there, a little one fell and to her surprise, Justice was the first one on the scene to help him or her (i don't know if it was a boy or a girl) up - broken arm and all.

When I'm looking for definitions of my kid's names I have no further to look than them. My one-armed bandit showed justice to someone else. I can hear cheering - oh wait, that's me.

What does it look like?

2010-05-21T10:08:00.000-07:00

Because Justice and Grace seem like such two polar things, I've been pondering what they look like when they collide or integrate.

I'm wondering what our family would look like if we were a bit more just to one another and a bit more graceful to each other.

I'm probably never going to figure that out but I want to make it a much more intentional part of who I am and what I instill in my kids.

The other day Aunt Laura was talking to Justice about Gracie. He called her a princess! Aunt Laura replied, "Then that makes you a prince." His answer was emphatic and immediate, "No! I'm just Justice." The myriad possibilities for expounding that statement are endless but for now I'm simply going to say that, yes, while I hope my son is always just I hope that is not ALL he is.

Lord, please allow my children to grow up as individuals who embody their names but please also allow them to grow up to be individuals who can give grace AND seek justice.

New Title For Blog

2010-05-19T06:51:00.000-07:00

So, I decided that even though I never post anything here anymore, it needed a new look and a new name. But what, pray tell, should the new name be?

I was putzing around one morning in the bathroom thinking about my children, as all moms do when they aren't consumed by their presence, when I thought about how intriguing it is to think literally about joy giving birth to justice and at the same time joy giving birth to grace. I think both are born out of a joy that is deep but perhaps sometimes justice and grace bring forth joy.

So, now I'm constantly thinking about those concepts and trying to figure out how they play out in my life. I think I'll mention it every now and then around here.

Just Four Weeks?!?

2010-02-10T13:21:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning at 4 a.m. I'm sure I woke up because my bladder was screaming at me that it was way past time to take a trip to the lou but it made me mad nonetheless.

After my trip to the restroom, I returned to bed and hoped that sleep would come quickly. Instead what I got were jumbled thoughts of all the things that have yet to be done before Grace's nascent. (I think I used that word correctly. It's one of my GRE words. What do ya think?)

So, here's the list in no particular order. By the way, this freak out is coming at a much later date than it did with Justice. With him, I started worrying at 13 weeks out. How did I make it this far without the crazies?

Anyway, here's my list:

1. AND THIS ONE IS HUGE! Figure out what the plan is for Justice when I go into labor. It's not like I can determine when she's coming which makes it difficult to figure out what to do with him when that happens.
2. Find the things we'll need -
boppy
bottles
nursing cover
pump
bottle warmer (did we have one of those before?)
3. Set up the nursery. We have yet to put the crib back together since Justice was sleeping in it (as a toddler bed) up until last week. We also have to figure out where to put her clothes.
4. CLOTHES! WOW! We have been given and promised so many clothes that I'm a little overwhelmed and oh so incredibly grateful. I do, however, need to go through them to figure out what will work, what might work, what won't work and then wash them and put them away (see number 3).
5. Buy a few things:
Accessories for the cloth diapers
Bows for her hair
Wall Art
Pajamas for me so I can get out of that silly hospital gown sooner
Other nursing necessities that I'm sure no one wants to read about
6. STOP FREAKING OUT!! Everyone keeps telling me it will be okay and I know it will mostly because I don't really have a choice but I still worry that I'll forget something - like my mind!
7. Take Kelly's advice and put a pad of paper and pen beside my bed so that the next time I wake up at 4 a.m. I can make my list, get it out of my head, and go back to sleep!
8. Oh yeah, somewhere in there, I have to take the GRE which also means I've got to study!

I am thoroughly going to enjoy the time between February 25 (the day I take the GRE) and March 12 (due date). I am going to watch as much TV as I want, sit in the silence and soak it up because there will be so much less of that when baby comes, enjoy just being a family of 3 for just a little bit longer. I will miss being just the three of us.

I am, however, thoroughly excited about watching Justice become a big brother to Gracie. He already asks if he'll be able to carry her and hold her and let her sit on his lap while he plays drums! He's going to be fantastic at this big brother thing - I just know it!

So, in case I don't get a chance to update again before Gracie comes, simply know we might not be ready physically but we're definitely ready emotionally.

It's a Girl!

2009-10-06T10:05:00.000-07:00

So, we found out last week that we're definitely having a girl. Around 12 weeks the specialist told us that she thought it was a girl but they confirmed it at our appointment last week. When I was pregnant with Justice I initially wanted a girl partly because I'm a girl. I understand girls. I think they're clothes are better - you know, all that stuff. Then, when we found out we were having a boy I was a little freaked out, to say the least. I mean, there were boy parts in there. Inside my body!

Now, however, I'm a little freaked out about a girl. I know little boys now. I adore my own. He hung the moon where I'm concerned. I'm thankful that this time we don't have to worry about circumcision but other than that, I'm still a little freaked out.

I bring enough drama into our household for one family. I have enough estrogen to last for decades. I'm not sure what to do with a little girl. There will be princesses and bows and lace and frills. Will I be able to do her hair and get her tights on the right way? I mean, we don't even have to brush Justice's hair in the mornings.

On top of that, I'm worried about naming her. I desperately want to start calling her by her name but just what that is eludes us currently. We have a list and it keeps growing - not shrinking. That's the problem. And I'm not sure that Marty and I are going to come close to finding one that we're both happy with anytime soon. So, we continue to look and google and search.

I'm glad to be in the second trimester. For the most part things are going splendidly. I am tired all the stinking time but that will get worse. I have nothing to complain about now considering the fact that I remember what sleep deprivation in its fullest was like. That type of tired only comes with a newborn. Other than that, I'm doing alright. The heartburn that I had with Justice doesn't exist this time - hallelujah! This time around we're not trying to quickly finish a house renovation. We're learning how to do the discipline thing (as hard as it is) so next time around it should be at least a little bit easier. And, to top things off, the sickness is gone. Food is my friend right now which could be my downfall.

I keep telling myself to make good choices where my food is concerned but those carbs keep calling my name. I CANNOT DENY THEM!!! Pasta and bread for lunch sounds absolutely soothing to my soul. Muffins, yes please. Bagels, of course. Chips, you bet ya. Sandwiches, duh. I get a fruit or vegetable in there every once in a while but for the most part, I'm loving all those fatty foods. Just can't stop myself.

We go back next week to the regular doctor and then at week 20 we'll head back to the specialist for more ultrasound pics. Perhaps after that visit, I'll be able to post a few.

Until then, bring on the bread!

13 weeks and counting

2009-09-04T06:46:00.000-07:00

So, today marks 13 weeks. There's a collective sigh of relief hanging in the air around our house. It's like it's okay now to finally say we're pregnant (even though we were doing that before). It's like we know now that this baby is going to hang around for the whole thing and we'll get to hold her or him (although we're hoping for a her) in just a few more months. What in the world?!?

I keep thinking through how this one is different. The first and BEST part of this one is that the heartburn that kept me up all hours of the day and night, made me drink the coldest liquids I could get my hands on, made me stay away from some of my favorite foods (peanut butter, need I say more), is non-existent this time. Hallelujah! The second is and next BEST part is that I am not afraid this time around. I was terrified with Justice. I couldn't talk about labor and delivery without breaking out into cold sweats. The third best part is that now that I'm not a first time mom, other moms horror stories don't seem to seek me out like I'm the last healthy cell in a plague ridden body.

There were and are obviously some down sides to this pregnancy. The first was all the scares we went through. I cried often and much thinking I had miscarried - AGAIN!! I lived like I was a porcelain doll for several weeks, wishing I could simply take a walk around the block or clean my house. At the same time I revelled in the fact that I got to take a nap every day and wear sweat pants and t-shirts every day. There has been more nausia this time around than last time but that seems to be subsiding and now, all that's left to do is grow a baby.

I was asked last night if there will be more after this. H*** NO!! Should've been my response. I can't go through the torture thinking I might lose another one. I don't like being uncomfortable all the time. Being pregnant may have its benefits but, trust me, I'm not signing up for me. I understand accidents happen but we'll do our best to keep them at bay. If there are more Mikles children to be had, they will come by way of China or the Phillippines thank you very much!

I took a stroll around Babies R Us the other day. I just wanted to see if there was anything I might, you know, NEED this time around. Oh man - are there! I caught myself, however, walking around with a goofy grin. I can relax now and dream. It's all going to be alright! That is the most fantastic feeling in the entire world, well, almost. he he

So, anyway, I just wanted to start blogging my journey. My sense of smell is definitely on high alert. My office shares a wall with the women's bathroom and yep, I can tell when someone's gone in there to...you know. I can smell Lilly's breath from miles away and Marty's farts almost make me throw up. It's a side effect I'm not enjoying.

Today, however, I am giddy. I think this is the first day in a long time that I have felt like myself instead of possessed by some sort of strange alien creature that is making me feel all sorts of crazy, strange things and desire things like dill pickles on lays potato chips. I am living it up today.

I can't imagine my life with two children who call me mommy but I bet it's a fantastic adventure full of crying and laughing and lots of memory making. I can't wait for all of those opportunities.

So, now, I'm off to purchase some fried pickles.

Ways You Know You're On Vacation

2009-06-29T13:12:00.000-07:00

#10 - You can't remember if you've taken a shower but you did go swimming and that must count for something, right?

#9 - flossing is optional - now that I mention it, so it brushing
#8 - food, food and more food

#7 - there's sand everywhere and yes, I mean, there too
#6 - taking a walk doesn't necessarily indicate exercise but a form of relaxation - and a way to get to the pier for some ice cream
#5 - late night movies, movies at the theater (which I don't get to anymore), movies on the road, and movies for my child
#4 - naps, man I love naps
#3 - riding a great wave (see #7)
#2 - snacks of all sorts and shapes that occur at all times, even if it is 10 minutes until the next meal
#1 - being with my HUGE, Incredible, beautiful, extended family, all 24 of us

Dealing with Grief

2009-05-26T10:12:00.000-07:00

This post has been a long time coming I think. I was pretty sure I'd write about the last month or so at some point I just wasn't sure when. So, here I am, on a Tuesday and all of a sudden it seems like I can and perhaps the next bit will just pour out of me like healing waters.

Turns out the past 5 months have been a bit of a journey. You see, Marty and I started trying to get pregnant in January. I was sure it would be easy because of how easy it was with Justice. It was. By the end of February, beginning of March I knew I was prego. That was such good news. It worked out perfectly with my time frame. I was hoping for a Fall baby. A fall baby would have been terrific timing-wise and life-wise. We bought Justice "Big Brother" t-shirts and everything. We were waiting to announce it to the world until my first ultrasound but the family knew - that was enough.

Well, I went to my first doctor's visit and the ultrasound showed that I wasn't as far along as what the dates were showing. I should've been 9 weeks but the ultrasound showed that I was probably more like 4 or 5 weeks. There was an egg sack but just a smudge of a baby. So she said not to worry and to come back in two weeks for another looksee. At that point we would get a heartbeat and a due date.

The next two weeks were the longest and hardest of my life. There was something inside me that knew. I knew something wasn't right. Even if I ovulated late, there just wasn't something that would settle. I couldn't get the thought that perhaps there wasn't a baby, that there wouldn't be a heartbeat.

I went back in two weeks and there was a baby and an umbilical cord but no heartbeat. So, my doctor said, come back in a week. She wanted to give my baby every chance there was at survival. On April 7 I started to pray for a heartbeat for my baby even though I still didn't think it would happen. I wanted it to but at the same time I just simply wanted to know if I should shift into grieving or joy - it was such a hard place to exist for a week.

Before the week was up I started to spot. Nothing serious but I knew then what the ultrasound declared later on. The saddest thing to ever see is an ultrasound of an empty womb where a baby should be. Because I was pretty sure of what I would see, I didn't really expect to cry. WRONG!!! I balled. I couldn't control it.

Then, I had three options. Wait and let things happen on their own. Take a couple of pills. Have a D&C. We (I) decided to wait and see. My body had already started to take care of things on its own so, surely this wouldn't take too much longer. I just wanted the constant reminder that there wasn't a baby to stop. That was the worst part. Well, I had part of a miscarraige the following Thursday as Marty was on his way to somewhere up North for a TransMission gig. He offered to stay home but I knew there were plenty of people to take care of me and so when things started to happen, I called my Mother In Law and all was alright. There were some cramps, some bleeding but all in all I thought I got off pretty easily.

Then Saturday night came and there seemed to be another episode of cramping and bleeding. Hmmmm....the doctor didn't say anything about two episodes of this fun.

The next week I thought it was strange that there was still bleeding going on (I'm very sorry if you're uncomfortable reading about such details of my life but this is what happened and I think it's important that people know how hard it is for women who walk this road - every part) so I called the doc and went in for an appointment. Turns out, my body was still not through taking care of things on its own. So, we scheduled a D&C. By the way, I discovered this lovely bit of news on Justice's 2nd birthday.

The next week I went in and had the procedure and came out just fine. There was relief after it was done. I was ready to say, I had a miscarriage instead of not knowing where I was in the process. I felt like at that point maybe I could move on. I had cried and I was over it. Not really but that's what I told myself.

In two days it will have been a month since the D&C. I still have questions. I can't even convince myself somedays that I was actually pregnant. Was there really a baby or was it just a bunch of cells that tricked my body into believing it was pregnant? I'm a Bible believing Christian but I'm not sure where I stand there. Either way, thinking about the fact that at this very moment I should've been about 3 or 4 months pregnant is hard to deal with.

My friend Beth and I went out to lunch last week. We hadn't seen each other in a long time and she brought me a care package. I didn't even think it was for the miscarraige. She's moving and I thought it was a goodbye gift. Then there was some material in it about dealing with the grief of having a miscarraige and I teared up then. It had been a while since I cried.

I want Justice to be a big brother so bad. I want to have a family of small ones who grow up together and remember each other being little and are close enough to play together and go to school together and laugh together. I want them to be close enough to each other in age that if I need to save money by passing down clothes, I can and the clothes will still be in style.

Anyway, I don't know that there's an end to this lengthy monologue. I just felt like it was time to put this part of my life out there in the hopes that it might help in the healing.

There have been so many people who have loved and supported Marty and I through this season of our lives (it's not over). Your generosity to us and your dedication to us is unfathomable and incredible. Thank you to each one of you who sent cards or emails letting us know you were thinking and praying for us. We love you and hope and pray that we can love you that deeply in the future.

Justice's 2nd Birthday - WHAT?!?

2009-04-23T06:42:00.000-07:00

Dear Justice,

This morning as we sat down to breakfast, I recalled that two years ago at about that same time, your daddy and I were getting in the car to head to the hospital to welcome you into the world. My how time flies.

You opened your first present this morning - a soccer ball. You proceeded to eat breakfast while holding fast to it and repeating over and over again, "My soc cer ball." After breakfast you kicked it around the house saying, "kick it, kick it, kick it." Yes, you love giving directions, even to yourself.

Last night and this morning I tried to teach you how to hold up two fingers and say, "I'm this many." The best I get is one finger or you hold up your entire hand and say, "Peace Mommy." We'll work on that.

Speaking of numbers, you now how to count to 10 but refuse to start with the number one. You tend to begin with 2 and if left to your own devices will only count to three repeatedly - "two, fwee, two, fwee, two, fwee." You have recently gone beyond "fwee" without prompting but every once in a while you revert back to your 23 month old ways - HA!

You have begun singing on your own in the past couple of months. When we ask you what you'd like to sing, your response tends to be "Baa Baa." You will let us sing with you most of the time but sometimes you NEED to sing a solo. At those times, Baa Baa Black Sheep and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star tend to merge into the same song. You also enjoy a good rendition of the ABC song but again, if it is necessary for you to sing a solo, you tend to only make it to P and that's with a whole lot of liberty taken on the first half of the alphabet anyway.

With Easter just being last week, I find it necessary to include the fact that you dyed easter eggs this year for the first time. You didn't quite get their fragility but loved dunking them in the colored water. When all of the eggs were dyed you simply wanted to keep going. You also loved the egg hunts. You participated in about 4 or 5. Some with the real eggs we dyed and a few with plastic eggs. When you discovered, however, that there was candy in the plastic ones, the easter egg hunts came to a quick stop and turned into a picnic. That happened last year too - if I recall. All the other kids were quickly collecting their spoils and you were happy enough just to sit down and enjoy the animal crackers.

I have loved watching you grow up. You astound me daily with your ability to speak in full sentences and communicate your wants. Mostly those come out as whines but whatever. You're learning. You have been such a fun part of life. I used to think that college was the best time of my life, then I thought it was marriage but not anymore. I may talk to adults now about having to go potty and tell stupid jokes that I learned from Elmo's World but YOU are the best time of my life now - even when you make me angry or frustrated because you continue to ask the same question about 100 times even though the answer continues to be the same. Daddy is still probably driving the car even though you just asked a second ago, "Wha's he doin?" and will ask the same question in just a second. Perhaps this is your version of why. I'm okay with that but I'm wondering if we could work on spacing them out a bit more. Maybe you could ask every other second from now on? I'd appreciate that.

Little boy who's not so little anymore, you are my joy. I love you more than I thought it possible to love a human. Hopefully someday there will be more little Mikles that you will get to share this life with but for right now, you are my delight and I completely enjoy it being just the three of us.

Love you baby boy,
Mommy

TAAAAAA ruck

2009-04-09T06:12:00.000-07:00

So, this week has been hard in the Mikles household. I'll probably share more next week but for now, please remember us in your prayers as we walk a hopeful road.

Now, for a bit of a laugh. Turns out, Justice loves trucks! He loves Mac trucks, dump trucks, toy trucks, trucks you can ride on, vans that he calls trucks, you name the truck, he thinks it's cool.

About a month or so ago, he discovered the word for truck. We had actually just dropped Marty off at the airport and were headed to the car. All the way back to the car he asked, "Wha's tha, Mommy?" Which is his 2 year old version of the question "Why?" Well, that and "Wha's he doin'?" Those two questions never cease. So, anyway, we're walking back to the car and Justice points at a truck and asks, "Wha's that. Mommy?" And I tell him.

Immediately he tries the word out for himself. Here's the problem. Toddlers can't say double consanants. Granny comes out Ganny. Spaghetti comes out sketti. But truck does not come out tuck. It doesn't even come out ruck.

Perhaps this might help you discover how it does come out. When Justice says train, it comes out fain. That's right. Fain. So, when my boy, WHO LOVES TRUCKS says truck, he drops the f bomb. We try to get him to say it correctly. We even break it down into separate sounds - TA Ruck. But then he thinks it's funny and just says the F word even louder.

So, dear readers, please know that Marty and I have not taught our child the worst of the curse words. Not at all. He just simply has a tendency towards a foul mouth.

I suppose it doesn't help that we giggle when he says it.

Small Victory

2009-04-06T13:37:00.001-07:00

With a toddler who is about to turn 2, every day is a battle. Some of them he wins but the majority of them I win with a time out or a hand pop. I know it's sad but sometimes the tears are a victory. Don't think me awful. That's just the way it works sometimes.

This morning, I had a fantastic victory. We were on the way to school/work. Justice has one of those fancy books that has the buttons on the side that play noises. This one also has a small screen at the top that when you push the button, not only does the sound play but a little picture at the top shows up and moves. For example, one of the buttons is a horse. So, when you push the horse button a beautiful nay comes out of the speaker and a horse gallops across the screen. It's pretty fantastic. Well, we were almost to school. Justice is pushing the buttons and having a good time. Then, I hear it. A tear. He has torn one of the pages out of the book. I say, "No Justice. We don't tear pages out of books!" Well, then I hear it again. This time I say in a much louder, much more unkind voice, "NO!" and I take the book away. At this point, the whining/crying commences. I don't respond. That's the price you pay for destroying your stuff.

Then, the victory. Get this. About 30 seconds later, Justice, in a sheepish voice, says from the back seat, "sorry." You heard it here first ladies and gentlemen. My son, of his own volition, offered up a sorry for one of his actions today without being prompted. WHAT!!! We must be doing something right.

2009-04-01T10:35:00.000-07:00

I don't think anyone really reads my blog anymore so I'm not quite sure why I'm posting except for the fact that there's an urge in me to write today. I don't have an agenda or a topic just a heart full.

I've been closely monitoring a woman's blog whom I have never met. She has a sick baby boy who is in desperate need of prayer and even more need of healing. I keep envisioning his heart being held by the creator of the universe because that's the part that's sick. I believe God will heal him. I believe God will bring restoration. By entering into this journey with some strange woman that I have never met, however, I have found myself quite emotional. I want to meet her. I want to be her friend. More than that, though, I find myself drawn into prayer more throughout the day for a little boy I have never met than I have ever really been drawn to prayer before. Why is that? Because he's so innocent and young? Because he's got so much life left to live? Because I have a little boy that I couldn't bare to watch go through something like this so my heart aches even more for MckMama? I don't know but I know I've been in prayer for baby Stellan a lot the past week and a half.

At the same time, I find myself overwhelmed by the health of my family, of my son and of my husband. I don't have to walk through the desert for a while to find healing. So, today, I am incredibly grateful to the Lord of all for the gifts he has given me.

Justice turns two this month. I can't believe it. So, since he's not quite two yet, I'm going to list 23 things (one for each month he's been alive) that make up his handsome little self:

1. He loves cho mil (chocolate milk)
2. He thinks airplanes and choo choos are fantastic. In fact, anytime he hears an airplane in the sky he has to stop and look.
3. He loves his granny, pop pop, nonnie and poppa.
4. Lie Fween (Lightning McQueen) is currently his favorite book. A chow (Ka-chow) is a frequent saying.
5. Sometimes he uses a spoon. For the most part, however, he still uses his hands to eat - much to his mother's chagrin, especially when we're having oatmeal or yogurt.
6. He's never quite content unless both Marty and I are with him. If I pick him up from daycare he wants to "see daddy?" If Marty is with him alone, he wants to "see mommy?"
7. In the mornings, he loves to call his daddy to the breakfast table. "Ohm eat Daddy!"
8. He is now 35 inches tall.
9. He loves to play the drums.
10. He has a toy guitar that he calls his "tar" and he carries it around the house so that mommy can play it. Why me? I can't quite figure that one out. I play a mean Three Blind Mice.
11. He hates getting his hair washed. The fights are nasty and usually end with one of us crying.
12. He also hates having his teeth brushed. Not even a Cookie Monster or Elmo toothbrush work.
13. He wants fre fries for every meal. Evidently they go well with cho mil.
14. He gets embarrassed pretty easily.
15. He gets tickled if Marty asks him to tell me I'm pretty. (one of those easily embarrassed moments).
16. He loves it when I draw Daddy playing basketball on the Magna Doodle. He has never seen Marty play basketball.
17. M&M's are his favorite candy.
18. He thinks other kids are fantastic. This past weekend in Orlando, he wanted to hold Baby Cyana and kiss her all the time.
19. He has a monkey to wear as a backpack that also works as a kiddie leash and he loves it! Score!
20. Justice thinks that any "puter" can only get one website - Sesame Street.
21. He can laugh like Ernie.
22. He can spot a balloon a mile away and will not rest until it is in his possession.
23. He's the cutest 23 month old ever. See?

About Us

2009-02-19T11:50:00.000-08:00

Found this on someone else's site, thought i'd steal it and make it my own. Should be fun. This is one of those memes of questions - particularly for husbands and wives.

What are your middle names?
Mine is Marie. His is Andrew. Guess how Justice got his middle name.
How long have you been together?
We've been married almost six years, together eight.
How long did you know each other before you started dating?
We met when we were young and didn't even remember the occurance until someone told us about it. So, if you count that, then 13 years. If you don't count that, we met the summer of '97 before Marty went to Moldova for the summer. If that's what you're counting then approximately 4 years.
Who asked whom out?
Uh...he did for like a year and a half (kind of)until I said, "ALRIGHT ALREADY!"
How old are each of you?
I don't want to talk about it.
Whose siblings do you see the most?
Because of geography and my mother, we see my sibling and his wife the most. I wish we saw his sisters more often.
Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
The amount of time we have to spend travelling for work. He travels more than I do but we both do our fair share and it's hard. It's hard when the other is gone and then it's hard getting rehabituated when the other comes back.
Did you go to the same school?
Nope.
Are you from the same home town?
No but we did both live in the same house at different points in our lives and both still remember the phone number of that house.
Who is smarter?
Marty amazes me with his ability to figure out any piece of technology that you put in front of him from a computer, to an iPhone to how to wire surround sound or get more delay out of a mic (if he really does that). He knows things I will never know and in many ways never want to. I, on the other hand, was good in school - can write a mean paper and love the smell of ink.
Who is the most sensitive?
I'm not sure I know how to choose. The answer is that we both are pretty sensitive and handle other people's hurts quite well.
Where do you eat out most as a couple?
Since the question says most, I'll have to say either Dunkin Donuts or McDonalds but if the question said, where do you like to eat the most as a couple, my answer would have to be any romantic restaurant that also has the cost of a sitter figured into the tab.
Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Australia - I was 10 weeks pregnant. That flight sucked.
Who has the craziest exes?
He does.
Who has the worst temper?
I do. There's slamming and banging and huffing and puffing. I clean house extremely well when I'm angry.
Who does the cooking?
Unless I want fettucini Alfredo or Fajitas, I cook.
Who is the neat-freak?
Let's just put it this way: I am a much nicer person when he puts away his socks. That's the answer the previous woman gave and I have to conquer. I'm not a neat-freak I just like everything put away after I do the laundry and the suitcases unpacked after a trip within a reasonable amount of time (less than 24 hours is reasonable).
Who is more stubborn?
me.
Who hogs the bed?
neither. I tend to hog the covers when we're in anything smaller than a king. That's merely because in my half-awake state, I think he's stealing the covers and I'm just trying to get mine back.
Who wakes up earlier?
Really? Does anyone out there in cyberland need me to answer this question? C'mon people.
Where was your first date?
A Quarter Past 3 practice ran late and ruined the first date. So, he made it up to me by taking me to Churchill Grounds as a re-do. We had glorious dessert and listened to some great jazz.
Who is more jealous?
me.
How long did it take to get serious?
By the time I said I would date him, I knew there wasn't any turning back.
Who eats more?
Quick story. This past Monday, we went to the Big Apple Circus. Marty gets himself a jumbo hot dog and orders me a funnel cake of which he eats at least half, if not more. He washes that down with a pack of Peanut M&M's during intermission and then, for dinner I want Chick Fil A. He has a pack of chicken nuggets for dessert. The End
Who does the laundry?
For the most part, I do. Marty does surprise me sometimes and will do a couple of loads for which I am grateful.
Who's better with the computer?
he is
Who drives when you are together?
Marty, that way I have the ability to retrieve Justice's sippy cup from the tiny area between his seat and the door, or shove a snack trap full of goldfish at him, or start an Elmo video, or read him a book, or on some longer trips, even crawl back there to imagine him falling asleep peacefully even though that never happens anymore.

The next great invention - reclining car seats that actually allow a kid to take a comfortable nap in the car without neck cramps.

The Cost of Haiti

2009-01-14T10:52:00.000-08:00

Steve Fee sings a song called "Burn For You" and the lyrics to part of the chorus say, "I'll go anywhere, I'll do anything, At any cost for you my king." Before leaving for Haiti I was counting the cost. I was going to miss being with my family. I was going to miss the birth of my nephew. I was going to miss watching Justice do all of the amazing things that he does on a daily basis. I also knew that Haiti could be a dangerous place. I had told everyone else the right answers. We were going to be serving The Salvation Army and the respect that people have in Haiti for The Salvation Army is incredible. Still, in my head, I had terrible thoughts of being killed while on the journey from Port Au Prince to Fond des Negres (which I now know was a possibility). I had thoughts of being kidnapped. I had thoughts of never returning home again. I had counted the cost almost to the point of being paralyzed with fear. What I didn't consider before I left was the cost if I hadn't gone.

We arrived in Port Au Prince on Saturday January 3. We settled in to the Wall's International Guest House and some of the girls purchased a few souvenirs. This was a pretty nice place but the smell of exhaust and burning styrofoam got to all of us. We attended church the next morning at the Port Au Prince Corps. They have a meet and greet time during their meetings where everyone goes around kissing everyone else on the cheek. Well, I got confused halfway through as to which side I should start on. I ended up grazing a woman's mouth with my mouth that morning. Yep, that's right. I kissed her on the lips unintentionally. Quite funny, yet embarrassing. C'est la vie! We sang a song for the congregation and introduced ourselves. The meeting was really enjoyable.

That afternoon we packed up and took the arduous journey to Fond des Negres. Fond de Negres (which Marty thinks sounds an awful lot like saying found an egg) is only 100 km from Port Au Prince but because of the roads it took us the better part of four hours. We passed several Voodoo marches that day and were perplexed. That night Joe shared some statistics with us about Haiti:

The population of Haiti is 8 million people, 2 million live in Port Au Prince

The unemployment rate of Haiti is 70%

The Salvation Army's school system is the 4th largest in the country

Voodoo is a sanctioned religion in Haiti. Voodoo priests have the right to perform marriages, preside at gravesides, etc.

Haiti is the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere

We all acted like we knew those things. What we didn't know was how deeply those statistics would affect us when we met them face to face.

The next morning we were scheduled to leave the beautiful Aldy hotel where we were staying at 9 a.m. Before our departure, children from the village just across the fence from us met us in front of the hotel. They wanted us to take their pictures and give them candy and take them with us on the tap tap (the Haitian form of public transport which is really just a pick up truck with makeshift benches installed in the back). Several of the little boys that morning showed up without anything on but a shirt that might or might not have covered their nether bits. That night when we saw one of them without any pants on again, Sabrina gave him her pajama shorts which fit once he rolled them up a bit.

During the days in Fond des Negres we were blessed to spend time at the Bethany Children's Home. Bethany is home to 40 children who have either been orphaned or abandoned. The youngest at the home was left at The Salvation Army Bethel Clinic just down the street from the home by his mother. No one knows his real birth date. He is probably around two years old. None of the children's stories had happy beginnings but you'd never know it from the way they laughed and played. I've been on several mission trips in the past 10 years. I've never been to a home where the children were so unassuming. Sure, they loved it when we gave them candy or stuffed animals but more than that, they loved it when we spent time with them. We played game after game with them. They loved to play with the girls' hair. They held our hands, sat on our laps, asked questions that we didn't understand. They learned so much English and we learned a tiny tiny bit of Creole.

We also spent our days painting the home. A fresh coat of paint goes a long way at a place like Bethany.

We took a tour of The Salvation Army's Bethel Clinic which is the only hospital in all of Fond des Negres. I've never seen such desperation. There were at least 150 people sitting in the waiting room. You could hear a baby's cries and cough over the rest of the noise. As we toured through the hospital we saw babies maybe 8,9, 10 months old hooked up to IVs next to 60 year old men. We saw people asleep on the benches waiting to be seen. There was an area where nurses were testing bloodwork to see if those who had come to the hospital that day had contracted TB. We toured the tuberculosis section of the hospital where those who are diagnosed with TB are sent for treatment over a nine month period. My grief for those people that day was beyond words. I simply watched and at the end I cried. This was a picture of desperation but also of hope. I realized that day that if it weren't for The Salvation Army's presence in this town, there would be no treatment, no IV, no hope. So, while the look of it was quite grim, people came here for help and healing and in that, there is hope!

In the evenings, after we had worn ourselves out playing with children all day long, we would have devotions together as a team. I feel like it's important to mention at this point that there were 16 participants on this trip and every single one of them was female. There were three leaders which were myself, Joe Lynch and Dean Feener who lead the sung worship. I also feel that it's important to mention the fact that with these girls, the level of spiritual maturity was deep and wide. They didn't hold back any part of themselves and dug right in to the Word and what God had to say. Their revelations were life-altering. We talked about fear, about hope, about our future and how this trip should change the way we live at home. We sang glorious songs on the top floor of the hotel which was open space. We had a 360 degree view of the town we were in. We could see mountains and sea all at the same time. I have no doubt that those in the town surrounding us heard our worship and could not question which God we served.

On one evening a Voodoo march went up and down the small path on just the opposite side of the fence from our hotel. Many of the girls became scared. During sung worship that night, however, while we sang "Did you feel the mountains tremble" at least four or five people had the same vision - of a town hearing our worship and the Holy Spirit moving throughout the town wiping out the work that the Voodoo priest had come to do. We aren't naive enough to think it was a one time work but we did believe that the God of the universe could claim that town for himself and those people.

We became close friends with the children who met us each afternoon and evening at the hotel. We brought the boys clothing, particularly shorts and underwear since they had none. We gave them gum and candy. We gave them beanie babies. We spent time with them. We all wondered what would happen once we left. Then a prayer formed on our lips and in our hearts. Lord, please send someone hear to serve and live among these people who knows you and can bring hope where there isn't any. During devotions one night God lead me to Romans 8:35, 37 which says, "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us." The thing which struck me was that the nakedness and poverty of these children was secondary to their need for a Savior. Yes, they desperately need clothing but if they never receive that, my prayer is still that someone show them the love of Christ because once they receive him - NOTHING can separate them from him - NOTHING!!!

We did some other pretty amazing things like go to the beach, climb a mountain, buy stuff. In the end however, we counted the cost. We saw a nation in poverty and we hoped beyond their circumstances. We realized that the cost for us to come was menial compared to the return in education, depth of relationship, and life-changing experiences we received. The cost was a week of our time and a few of our bucks. The return was a heart full of love for a people who have Christ and for those who have yet to experience Him and His saving grace. To be quite honest, it cost me my life, the one that I knew before Haiti. I've exchanged it for a different life here at home. I choose to die to that life - a life of poor decisions and selfishness, greed and materialism. I choose to die to self and choose to spend more time pursuing Christ.

Did I do these things before? Sure but I feel like my experiences in Haiti have heightened the opportunities that I have here to change how they live there. Could my greed have caused some of their poverty? Absolutely. Could the cost of my thoughtlessness when it comes to consumerism have made things worse? Yes. So, now, I will make better choices when purchasing. I will choose to save energy. I will choose to use less water since they don't even have clean or running water in their homes. I won't do it because it's the cool thing to do. I will do it because protecting this earth is a part of bringing God glory and saving His people. The cost is my time, my money, my prayer, my hope for them and my life - for you my King!

Musings

2008-12-15T10:41:00.001-08:00

I had a dream last week that was quite scary but in the retelling of it, it sounds quite ridiculous and juvenile. Basically, I was kidnapped and made to play in a game that would cost my life as well as the life of my husband and son unless I won the game. I suppose that doesn't sound juvenile or ridiculous after all. The other players would win my car if they came out on top. I know, a little twisted and crazy but the truth nonetheless. I was entered into the game because it was my car - no more, no less. At the end of the dream though (as happens in dreamland) I realized that I was part of a terrorist attack because I believe in Jesus and that my prayers would be answered whether I lived or died. The dream didn't finish. I woke up before my end came or that of my husband or son.

Here's what woke me up. I realized near the end of the dream that this would never be me. I don't live a life that's so different from everyone else that I could be targeted in anti-Christian terrorism. Maybe as an American or as a woman but probably not as one who believes in Jesus.

Please understand, I don't want to be a target for terrorism. I don't want to be a target period but part of me believes that I should. I should want to live a life so different from culture, so counter cultural that I would be a target. That I would have to "carry my cross and follow" Jesus to my death.

Such morbid musings. I know. I guess I enter into places such as this intermittently throughout the year because like so many other people my age, I don't want to live a mediocre life. I don't think I do on most days but then there are days when I realize that I have not yet reached my full potential and I become saddened. What would my life look like if I did? Where would I live? What would I do? Who would I hang out with? Where would I go to church? Would I recycle? Would I make all my own clothes? Would I only buy fair trade?

Sure. I do my part but I know there's more.

What would you do if you could do anything?

Me? I think I'd live overseas to help fight hunger, homelessness and poverty. Big dreams huh?

So, go on, tell me what you'd do. Don't comment on my hopes. What are yours?

The Holidays Are Here!

2008-12-04T12:57:00.000-08:00

I don't know if you've caught onto this yet but I'm a pretty optimistic and upbeat person. I've got a pretty great life with great parents a great husband and a great kid. I look forward to life and most of its details. With that said, I'm betting you could probably guess that I'm one of those people who loves holidays, every single one of them - Memorial Day, Valentine's Day, my birthday, my anniversary, July 4th, Labor Day, Halloween, but I especially LOVE Thanksgiving and Christmas. They sort of belong together for me and can't really be separated.

I start thinking about my Christmas wish list in July - I'm not kidding. It changes quite a bit throughout the months and weeks leading up to Christmas but it starts then. That sounds really selfish but it's a science and I have to get the list just right. I need to have enough little gifts that I desire to even out the big one or two. I don't want to seem too greedy. I've tried doing that whole Advent Conspiracy thing where you don't buy gifts for anyone but sponsor a child or buy a goat for a children's home in some far away place but it never quite works. I really thought Marty and I would succeed this year. We got 2 angels from The Salvation Army's Angel Tree program and were going to buy them presents instead of buying stuff for each other. Then, over Thanksgiving, he buys me a gift. I don't know what but he broke the deal. So, now I've got to figure out what to get him and he's a hard one to buy for.

Over Thanksgiving I bought a gingerbread house for Ella (my one and only niece) and Justice to decorate. We had a blast putting that thing together. About halfway through though, they start to eat the decorations. It wasn't the best looking gingerbread house I've ever seen but so much fun that I hope it sticks as a tradition.

This week at work we've been having Secret Santa. Kelly figured out early I was her Secret Santa but that's okay. She was easy to buy for and I always appreciate that.

Justice has loved looking at all the Christmas trees everywhere. He actually likes pulling the ornaments off the trees because he thinks they're balls. Should be fun once we get a tree up in the house.

I think I should also mention that we've been watching Elmo's Countdown to Christmas since November 1. I couldn't help myself. I was desperate for a new Elmo video and this one is by far the best of the four we have. So, I now know it by heart.

This is all over the place but I knew I could simply blab and that would be okay. I'm just so full this season that I needed a place to put the excess.

I hope your holidays are as enjoyable as mine.
Peace to you,
Joy

In lieu of something profound...

2008-11-17T11:10:00.000-08:00

I've wanted to write something for a while now just to get the depressing stuff off of the top of my blog but after thinking and thinking....I've got nothing.

So, here you go.

Breakdowns and Break-ins

2008-10-28T08:43:00.001-07:00

Two Fridays ago I realized that October is one of those months where we get 3 paychecks. There was a small amount of rejoicing happening in our house. We could finally take Lilly to the vet and get her teeth cleaned. I know, yes, we really did feel pretty happy about that.

The next day, the Service Engine Soon light comes on in the Pathfinder. I'm thinking the repair will be covered by the Warranty we purchased. Nope. Not only did they want to fix the part that caused the light to come on, they wanted to flush this and that and replace this and that. "How much," we asked. The response was astronomical. "Ummm....just fix the thing that's broken, thanks." We still walked away paying $600.

Lilly had her teeth cleaned and a mass removed yesterday. I put $500 towards that $800 bill. So much for rejoicing. Dumb car.

Last night, a lady needed a little help with some gas. So, I helped. Nothing big, not worth a pat or anything. We were repaid last night by someone breaking in to both the Pathfinder and the Mikles' mini-van and stealing Bernie's video camera and both Marty and I's iPods.

That 3rd paycheck - it's already spent. GGGGRRRRRR.....

I'm not sulking or anything.

Yippee!!

2008-09-30T06:10:00.000-07:00

So, I blogged a while ago that Justice FINALLY says Mama but I was a little premature with that post. Sure, he would say Mama but only when upset. I was a little uncertain as to whether or not that was just his whine, "mamamamamamamama" or if he was calling me to save him.

Last night, however, we had a breakthrough! I don't know what happened but for the past weekend and into this week we've been really pushing my name with him. At my parent's house in Charlotte we went around the table. "Who's that Justice?" "Nonnie." "Who's that?" "Boppa." "Who's that?" "Da da." and "Who's that?"

crickets

So, at that point Marty started drilling him. "Who's that Justice," Marty would ask while he pointed at me. "DA DA," Justice would cheer. Last night something clicked and Marty asked again and the response was different. "Ma ma!" Again this morning we asked about 4 times and each time the answer was correct. I can't tell you how my mommy heart swelled. He's such a good boy but for a while there I thought he might think I was just an extension of himself or his daddy. Now I am my own person in his eyes!! Yippee!!

We'll see if this success continues or if I get relegated once again to being called Da Da.

The End of an Era

2008-09-26T07:27:00.000-07:00

Turns out that RENT on Broadway ran it's last show on September 7 of this year. After 12 years on Broadway, it's gone and the Nederlander theater is actually being renovated or has been renovated to become home to Guys and Dolls. Yesterday, Marty was cruising the internet and found a site called The Hot Ticket which evidently shows Broadway musicals in theaters. That's how I found out all of this information. So, last night, we went and saw RENT at the Regal 24.

When we arrived we found out tickets were $20 dollars each instead of the regular price of $10. We hemmed and hawed. Did we really want to spend $40 on a show we had already seen twice and of which we also own the movie edition? Turns out we did.

First, the stage production is just so much better than the movie edition. These are the original songs and you really get the feel for the thing from the stage. This is the RENT with which I fell in love.

Second, the Broadway cast was just spectacular. Obviously because whoever was filming one of their last shows was able to get up close and personal with the cast. They were extra sentimental as anyone who has ever been in a show that becomes a part of you would know. A cast becomes like a family and saying goodbye to a show is like saying goodbye to family. There were tears from some of the actresses which were visible on-screen. Thus, there were tears for me.

Rent saw me through some times in my life. There are memories of when I was in the show Godspell and my cast members introduced me to this wonderful thing. We would stand around the piano during our breaks and sing some of the songs. We would use the songs as our sound checks on stage.

When Marty and I first started this thing called us, back when I simply put up with him, I can remember driving in a car with him from camp back to Atlanta. I started at the beginning of the musical just to see how far I could get before I didn't know the next line. I made it pretty far.

I was devastated when I found out he didn't really like the musical after seeing it the first time. WHAT?!? How could anyone not love this beautiful thing? The movie version made him a fan. Whatever.

Anyway, when I found out yesterday that RENT had closed its doors I was saddened. The lyrics from the songs seem to get stuck in your heart and your head and really begin to take on a life of their own. When we went to NY before Justice was born, 2 Christmases ago, we got to see it on Broadway. That was the realization of a dream, a goal. I'm upset that the next time I go, there will be no RENT signs or tickets on sale, no show for which to stand in line for the lottery. (well, there are other shows that do the lottery now but it's not the same).

I feel like a part of me has to say goodbye to a dear friend.

There's only us
There's only this
Forget regrets
Or life is yours to miss
No other path
No other way
No day but today

What a waste of a weekend

2008-09-22T08:46:00.001-07:00

So, this weekend was all about getting our little, lovely house ready for an open house. I didn't think it would take much but to be quite honest it took a little more than I thought. We cleaned toilets and countertops and floors. We mowed the grass (well, Marty did that) and Dad Mikles, bless his generous, loving heart, bought and spread mulch into the flowerbeds to make the outside more attractive. WE EVEN PULLED THE GRASS AND WEEDS OUT OF THE CRACKS IN THE DRIVEWAY!!! I mean, she was gorgeous before but after Saturday she was hot to trot.

Sunday was the open house from 2 to 5 p.m. We showed up right at 2. Marty put out the signs. I baked brownies. No, they weren't from scratch but they were the Tollhouse kind that have a layer of lovely peanut butter in the middle. All of this for all of the passersby who wanted to take a tour.

2:30 - no visitors yet
3:00 - no visitors still
3:30 - more of the same (at this point I had to take a walk to talk myself down from the ledge)
4:00 - nope, not yet
4:30 - just 30 minutes left, please someone just come look!
5:00 - not one single soul

The worst part of all of it was that I gave up quality time with Justice to do all of this and it was for nothing. I have irrational fears now that my house will never sell and that I will have to be one of those people who lives with her in-laws (which isn't a bad thing, really it's not, in fact, I've gotten to do a lot of fun stuff because we live with them that I couldn't have done if we didn't - like learn tennis, but it's still not MY house if you get what I mean) for the rest of her life.

So, dear internet, I'd like to sell my house. I'm not picky who buys it. I don't even care what they to do her once I'm gone. I just want to start planning my future and I can't because here I sit waiting on a home to sell in a horrible ecomony!

Yay!

P.S. If you'd like to take a look at it, just click on the title of the post. It's linked to the mls page.

A Public Apology

2008-09-10T11:33:00.001-07:00

There are times in your life when you're embarrassed to admit something. This is one of those times.

I have caved. I have fallen victim to one of those mailings. Oh, you know what I'm talking about. It's one of those mail a copy of this letter to 100 people and then mail a dishtowel, book, recipe, apron, glove, rocketship to the person whose name is listed on the back of this letter so that everyone who used to think you were cool and with it will now despise you for the rest of eternity mailings. Usually I say to my family, "I WILL NOT participate" and they huff and say okay. I thought that by now they would stop including me in such mailings but as it turns out, I received one from an aunt last week. This time around I feel pressure. I have said no and been rude so many times that I can't do it again. So, I am now facing public ridicule and criticism because I am forcing my plight onto others.

I wanted to say now, before you receive your letter, that I am sorry and you don't have to do it. Honest, no pressure. I don't even think that the people to whom I'm mailing the letter read my blog but I just thought, in the off chance that they might, that I should get it out there and off my chest. This way, I don't have to tell my family one more time that I refuse.

Thanks, dear internet, for understanding.

16 Months

2008-09-04T08:37:00.000-07:00

We took Justice to the doctor last week for his 15 month check up a month late. That's right, he had his 15 month check up AFTER he turned 16 months old. We're not bad parents, the doctor cancelled his 15 month appointment we had scheduled on the day Justice turned 15 months old because HE (the doctor) was sick. So, in we go, dreading the visit but excited at the same time.

You see, we, like so many parents, believe our child is advanced. I think he knows more words than other children his age. I believe his motor skills, gross and fine, are much more highly developed than other children's. He is our prodigy child even if he is normal. We were excited to show him off to the people who could really be impressed. When the nurse asked if Justice knew his body parts, Marty asked Justice if he could show us his eyes. At that point Justice pointed to his nose. When the nurse asked if Justice was walking, Marty corrected her by saying Justice was running. When the nurse asked if Justice was eating table food, Marty made sure she knew he ate a packet of oatmeal every morning for breakfast. (Some of that might be an exaggeration but not much). I too, am proud of my son and his physical and verbal accomplishments. While I didn't try and get Justice to perform I realized it would have been futile. Justice has a certain finesse with which he accomplishes his tasks that other children lack and I know that a doctor or nurse definitely couldn't pick that up in the 30 seconds they spent in the room.

We were also excited to find out his stats. He is now 26 lbs 14 oz and 34 1/2 inches tall. He's as tall as a 2 year old. He is his daddy's child.

On the other hand, we knew there were shots coming and what that does to Justice. I hate watching my kid scream his head off because someone is poking his with a needle. What I wasn't anticipating was that Justice remembered this place. He knew that we were in the place where they poked him last time and he did not like it. He remembered and thought he'd let us know by screaming the entire time a doctor or nurse was in the room. Yep. That was fun. He did, however, find those fun red, white and green buttons to push which kept him occupied for the better part of an hour.

He's getting too big too fast. I say that all the time but it grieves my heart.

He spent the past two days in Thomasville with my mom, dad, brother, sister-in-law and niece. He had a blast riding Ella's tricycle and sliding down the slide into their kiddie pool. He ate at Ella's Dora the Explorer table in a big kid's chair last night. He had his first trip to Chuck E Cheese while there and I am not at all disappointed in the fact that he went without me.

I hope that trip will make up for the dr.'s visit.

She's not much but she's still mine.

2008-08-29T12:07:00.001-07:00

I suppose it's not that dramatic but it is pretty disappointing. While we were at Bible Conference our lovely realtor/friend called to say we'd had an offer on our house. We counter-offered and spent the next few days going over paperwork and details but by the end of the week, we had nailed everything down. Now all that was left to be done was the home inspection and the financing for them.

Since then we've been looking online at houses, writing down MLS numbers, dreaming, imagining what a new house would mean. I spent my nights drifting off to sleep by saying goodbye in my mind to my old house. I'd go through each room and remember what happened in them. I've never had a home that has been as good to me as this one.

Two days ago I got a call from Sunshine. "It looks like they're pulling out," she says. What? Why? They blamed it on the home inspection but there wasn't anything in the home inspection that was major.

I feel like someone has taken a huge crap in the middle of the bathroom floor instead of in the toilet where it's supposed to go. I'm upset that they snubbed my lovely little home. I'm pissed that they didn't see her potential. I'm floored that they could just walk away from her. It's hard not to take it personally.

On top of all that - it's all brand spanking new. If only people could see what that house looked like when we moved in and what we lived through to make it what it is today. I know that the first person to look would be astonished. Astonished I tell you!

Se la vie.

Hey, you wanna buy a house?

Crazy Month

2008-08-15T11:12:00.000-07:00

So, I had eye surgery and as it turns out, the healing time really does take six to eight weeks. There isn't any pain left just very fuzzy vision which is quite annoying most days.

Other than that we've had a very busy month. We went to Charlotte to visit Nonnie and Poppa. My dad still swears that Justice said Poppa even though he wasn't around to hear it. We went to TMI where Justice crawled into a cupboard and drove a bus.
See?

Then we came home and Marty and I headed to TYI where we had a pretty exciting week that occured on little to no sleep whatsoever. I think the highlight of my week was getting to spend time with Russ, Charlotte and their kids. Russ and Charlotte tried to convince Joe (their oldest) that Marty's parents are giants who live in the mountains of North Carolina. It didn't work but was still funny. We had some incredible conversations with friends which are always the best part of any event. Other than that, the ropes course was exhilirating.

This weekend Marty is headed to Tampa for Thomas and Jessica's wedding and then next week we're in Waynesville, NC for Bible Conference. Yippee!

Perhaps by the time I get home I'll be able to see clearly enough to see all of the words I misspelled in this post.

This Morning

2008-07-14T05:35:00.000-07:00

7:15 a.m. - got out of bed
8:10 a.m. - went downstairs for breakfast
8:24 a.m. - pulled out of the parking lot
8:29 a.m. - pulled in to work

God bless the Courtyard Marriott and God bless my husband who thought it was high time we have a night off. We went to eat at our favorite sushi restaurant - Ru Sans. We had a long, beautiful conversation over latte's and a donut at Starbucks. We slept in a king-size bed and we woke up late.

We did all of this without being interupted by a screaming child who has recently become a picky eater or a non-eater - whatever you want to call that. We did all of this without having to pick up a random fork or spoon from the floor. We did all of this without having to order something that he might eat from the children's menu and then have his grubby hand reach for something on our plate. We did all of this without having to worry about changing a diaper or making sure he has milk and tylenol and his antibiotic. And the best part of all - I slept an hour late this morning and got dressed without him pulling on my shirt-tail or skirt crying because he wants to be held.

Please don't misunderstand, I love my son. I don't really think any of you, dear readers, thought I didn't but I think that's reassurance for myself. I love him dearly. I would dig a hold to China for him. I would cross any ocean, climb any mountain. Sometimes, however, absence makes the heart grow fonder and to be quite honest, I could do with another night away. I'm sorry little one but that's the truth. He's been going through a little thing lately called teething. All the parents out there who are reading this just went "Oh" collectively. I could feel it. It was a pity "oh" because they know how gruelling a teething child can be. And when I say he's teething, we're not talking about A tooth coming in. Currently, he's working on five. Yes, five with another one about to break the surface any day now. So, time away was such a blessed thing. I wish we had the money and could afford to do so every month. It's nice to be away - even for just a little while.

In other news, I'm getting LASIK done on Wednesday. Yes, I am voluntarily subjecting myself to surgery for the sake of improved, nay, perfect eyesight. For all of you non-contact, non-glasses, perfect vision people out there, you have no idea how lucky you are. But just to give you a small glimpse - here is what LASIK will mean for me. I will be able to stand at the mirror in the morning and be able to put my makeup on without having to be so close to the mirror that I get mascara on it. I will be able to lay my head on a pillow at night and see the room around me. I will be able to see the alarm clock in the middle of the night without squinting. I will be able to know for sure that this is definitely shampoo I am putting in my hair and not conditioner - since the bottles are exactly the same except for the tiny print distinguishing the two. I will be able to wear sunglasses. I will be able to walk around without having to push glasses up on my nose. I will be able to play with my kid without worrying about him knocking my glasses off my face and breaking them. The list could go on and on but I will stop for now. I am a little concerned about the pain afterwards. My friend at work had the same procedure done last year that I am having done on Wednesday and she said it felt like she had shards of glass in her eyes during the recovery. So, hopefully the doctor's office will be right on that front and it will only feel like I have an eyelash in my eye but I'm not really counting on it.

Anyway, I've got a busy week ahead of me. It's nice to be refreshed on a Monday morning instead of worn out from a weekend of chasing and lifting and fighting and playing with Justice.

I'm excited for the week ahead.

Last Night

2008-07-11T06:48:00.000-07:00

Do you ever wake up in the morning feeling like you were beaten up in the middle of the night but can't remember why. I know that for all of my friends who might imbibe every once in a while this may not sound all that foreign but for me, this morning was awful. However, I knew just why I felt that way - his name is Justice.

At 3:30 this morning he awoke. I gave him some tylenol for the fever he had and expected him to go right back to sleep. Nope, no dice. Around 5 a.m. he went back to sleep and well, so did I, finally.

There aren't a whole lot of times when he pulls these sort of stunts but this morning when he woke up at 7 am refusing to be put down - at all, or fed, or changed, or coaxed, I honestly thought that I might take him to the Kiddie Bank and sell him to the highest bidder.

I know, he doesn't feel good but there are days when sleep deprivation kills all of your rational brain cells.

2008-06-13T12:46:00.000-07:00

My friend over at http://hownowwit.blogspot.com/ posted this challenge that she pulled off of another blog she reads. L is a fantastic writer and you should go check her out. For the three people who still read my blog, I decided to take the challenge because, well, what else am I going to do right now?

Once again, Little White Liar has posted a Composition Challenge, and I'm obliged to...um...oblige:

Make a list of 5-10 things you want. Make them things you personally want for you (no Miss America "World Peace" shenanigans). Then think of one thing you need. You can't already have it, because really, who do you think you are? Just rubbing your self-contentment in everybody's gaping life-holes.

What do I want?

1. I want more me time. I spend a good part of my life doing things for other people. I clean, I cook, I lug a 13 month around. I would love to be able to have a night that's just mine every week. The trouble is it's not really possible because of #2.

2. I want more time with my family. I know, it sounds crazy but I do. I want to be able to stay home with my son during the week sometimes. I want Marty and I not to travel so much. I want us to be together more. I believe in quality time and I also believe in quantity time and so far, I'm not getting enough quantity time.

3. I want something new and challenging. This may get me into a little bit of trouble but I'd like a new challenge in my life. I have held the same position for eight years. Straight out of college I started working here and have ever since (obviously). I'd like a place that exercises a different part of my brain - pushes me farther - teaches me more - takes more effort. I like my job - especially the part that allows me to be around young adults but I'm up for a new something or another.

4. I want sleep. I feel like this is quite possibly my motto. I'm a light sleeper. When I change locations, I don't sleep well and I've been changing locations quite frequently. I've also been going nonstop for 2 weeks. This is not a call for pity. It's just the truth. I'm the type of person who needs 8 hours of sleep every night to function properly. I don't get 8 hours often enough. Thus, I just want sleep - not more (although it's true) just enough.

5. I want to see the world. Because of my job I have been and seen so many places but it's not enough. I want more. I love culture. I love ethnic food. I love languages. I love to watch how people from foreign countries interact. I love the history of other places. I want to live somewhere that's not here. So, let's go!

1 thing I need:

Something in my brain that can recall the thing I just forgot. I know, weird, but way too often I leave my office or my room at home and wind up in front of the person for whom I had a question and cannot for the life of me remember the stupid question. This doesn't just happen to me once in a while. It happens all the time. I suppose what I need is a better memory but seriously, I would just be happy with a device that was like a bring up file. It would bring up the image or question or whatever I just forgot.

By the way, I also think that there are invisible shields in doorways and stairways that make you forget things and you don't realize it until you're actually standing in front of that person making a fool out of yourself!

My 1 Year Old

2008-04-23T05:43:00.000-07:00

Today Justice turns 1. How completely and incredibly life has changed in just one year. This morning he woke up and we sang him "Happy Birthday." He loves that song. He smiles and giggles when you sing it to him.

We celebrated his birthday last Saturday with a big shin dig. He didn't like the cake so much. I shoved his hand in there and he simply did not want all that icing all over his hand. So, he slung it everywhere. I'm sure there is probably bright blue icing in places I didn't find on Saturday - like behind the bookcase or inside the air vent. He did, however, love opening the presents but couldn't understand why I kept taking them away just to give him another. The kid is truly loved. He got A LOT of presents - too many if you ask me. We are now faced with the dilemma of figuring out where to put the myriad of toys now.

He was absolutely adorable though. He had a birthday boy hat that he dutifully wore with his Sesame Street Overalls. His favorite present was the Radio Flyer wagon that his Nonnie and Poppa gave him and in which his Granny and Pop Pop dutifully pulled him around. We kept trying to move him on to other toys but as soon as I would pull him out, he would want back in.

My boy now says "Ma ma" but not often. This has been the best thing in the world to me. He says "no," "Da Da," and "uh oh" but finally, FINALLY he says "Ma Ma." Usually it's only when crying but I don't care. He says it!

I read an article last night about how women who have children tend to lose brain cells. They cease being concerned about politics or getting in the latest book by insert favorite author. They stop needing to be updated on the nightly news. Mother's are consumed by thoughts of nutrition and cleanliness. They continually consider whether or not their children are developmentally on track. And, on top of that, worry that they have nothing to contribute to the normal conversations because, let's face it, not everyone wants to talk about your child every second of the day. What the author realized, however, was that even though mothers aren't concerned about the nightly news which will change tomorrow, they are concerned about the future and have the greatest impact upon it through their children. I was buoyed up. I so often feel like I have nothing else to talk about but Justice Justice Justice. I know not everyone else wants to constantly talk about him but I can't help sharing that he's said a new word or is pointing now or has figured out a puzzle. He's the most fulfilling thing in my life and I find that he is my greatest accomplishment. So, today, on his 1st birthday, I will linger a little bit longer than normal on the conversation about him. I will think a little bit deeper about the impact being a mother has made on me. I will consider how much richer and fuller my life is because of him. I will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is my greatest joy and could quite possibly be the cause of my deepest sorrow.

So, today, he turns 1 and as a Mother, I turn 1. His life has changed mine into a deeper place of love and beauty. Thank you my handsome boy.

Past Due Update

2008-03-20T10:19:00.000-07:00

So, I realize that it's been quite a while since I've posted anything about Justice. Everything is going by way too quickly. I watch him all the time and he does something new every day. The biggest deal is that he started walked around 9 1/2 - 10 months. He looks like a drunk when he's walked around but he's getting better and better at it all the time. This past weekend I watched him stand up on his own - no help from an object or person, just went from crawling around on his feet and hands to standing.

He's got so much personality now. His laugh is contagious and it's constant. He's usually talking - it's nonsense but he's talking. He says "Da Da" and has been for a while but lately I think he actually knows who "Da Da" is and says it at the appropriate time - sometimes.

He knows how to tell me he's full. He loves phones and holds it up to his ear even though no one is talking back to him. He's mimicking sound. I can say, "Helllllooooo Justice" and he'll reply "aaaaaaoooo" which to me sounds like Hello even if no one else can hear it.

He initiates games of Peek a Boo now. He loves being around kids who are the same age as he is. He might not know how to play with people yet but he knows how to imitate them.

They are starting to transition him into the toddler room. He spent 2 hours in there yesterday and when they went to put him back into the infant room he pulled away. The day before they had just put him in there when Marty arrived and he didn't want to leave.

My boy's getting so big so fast. This weekend is his first Easter. I can't wait to watch him bang the little plastic eggs together because, let's face it, Easter Egg "hunt" is totally lost on him.

Marty said to me today, "He's so much more fun now than he was when he was 2 months old." I have to agree.

Here are a few pictures just to let you see how big he is. This parenting thing is so much fun!

The Sturdy Kind

2008-02-19T08:30:00.000-08:00

So, two Saturdays ago, my goals were not big in number:

1. Go grocery shopping
2. Go BUY BRAS!!!

After having Justice a lot has changed. I'd been holding out to wait to see if the girls were going to change any more. It has been 2 1/2 months since I stopped nursing. I figured I had waited long enough.

So, I loaded Justice up and headed out to the Sturdy Bra store. Not the sexy bra store mind you. Bra Manufacturers only make 1 of 2 types - sturdy or sexy. I require the sturdy kind.

So, I'm pushing Justice along, he's dangling his legs, we're dodging people and other strollers. We reach the sturdy bra store and HOLY CRAP!!! MY FRIEND'S IN-LAWS ARE CHECKING OUT!!! This couple is an awkward couple. They just don't know when the conversation is over usually. They tend to stare and linger. AND THERE THEY ARE!!! I KNOW THEY HAVE JUST BOUGHT SOMETHING FOR HER. I'm totally weirded out. I wave politely and push through. I keep my head down and buried in the racks. I am, after all, on a mission.

I think they've gone. They had already paid and were out the door. I've got my butt up in the air, digging through the bottom rack of BRAS to find my size when I hear it. The one word that indicates they have not left the store but are in fact standing behind me - which is the best view.

"Joy."

Yes, exactly. There weren't words for my thoughts at that point in time. "Oh, hello" I say as I stand up and greet them. AWKWARD! AWKWARD! AWKWARD! My mind reels.

"I've never met Justice and I wanted to meet him."

"AND NOW IS REALLY THE APROPRIATE TIME!"

"Oh sure," I say as I turn Justice's stroller which now has a few bras hanging from the back of it around to see them. Mind you, the sturdy bras. Justice, of course, was friendly.

I honestly can't remember what happened after that. There were a few more words and then they left. I immediately call my friend who belongs to these in laws and got NO REACTION. She wasn't in a place where a reaction was possible. SO WHAT!! I need SOMEONE to laugh with me. And nothing.

It never fails though, does it? Bra shopping, of the sturdy or sexy kind, never fails to be awkward or embarrassing. Sometimes, however, you just have a little help from a few friends...or their in laws. You know, whatever.

At least my dad wasn't there yelling "What size, Joy? What size?" Yes, that really happened.

Inhibition

2008-01-31T07:57:00.000-08:00

Children, especially babies, have all these qualities that have yet to be destroyed by the world. Of course there's innocence and purity. We get that. The one that I've been noticing lately in Justice is his lack of inhibition. He doesn't understand yet that there are actions in this world which just aren't suitable for certain occasions - like crying in church, or falling asleep for that matter. He doesn't get that it's not appropriate to yell at the table or whine.

For instance, at every meal, Justice has an incredible time. He laughs, he plays, he yells. At least once, during the course of each meal, he simply raises his hand, palm up and says, "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" It's a yell. He hasn't just discovered something. He's simply raising his hand because he can and wants to. There's no inhibition there. He's not worried about what people will think. He's not worried about whether or not people will stare. Actually, he knows they will. He also knows (I think) that they will smile and laugh at him.

The other day I was walking in the small workout room at THQ. I was listening to a pretty great mix of music. All upbeat. All fun. At one point in one of the songs, I wanted to clap my hands and dance. Now, understand, I was the only one in the room. Just outside of that room, however, the mail person has a desk. People pass by those glass doors all the time. So, I restrained. I didn't dance. I didn't clap. I thought about singing along but thought someone might hear me. I WAS ALONE!!! If Justice had been there, he would've danced.

I can really learn a lot from the babbles of my nine month old. Next time, don't look at me funny if perhaps I am daring enough to sing along.

Another Decade Older

2008-01-14T12:41:00.000-08:00

I'm sure 30 is supposed to be a benchmark in life. Perhaps you're supposed to have accomplished things or met some goals - something. I know people who've been depressed by 30.

I turned 30 last Tuesday. The day was marked by 2 naps and 2 meals with the Territorial Band. One of those naps was taken with my little boy and after being away from him for 10 days - that was the best present ever.

So far, I've had two parties - one at Maggiano's where we stuffed ourselves full. The second was last night. There was a surprise party at my mom and dad's house. Small gathering of good friends and good food - it was really nice. Got a few presents and had a lot of laughs.

I've been trying to come up with something profound to say that would mark turning 30 but I can't come up with anything. Be frie sent me a card that said, "20 is the new 30." So, I'm claiming it. I don't feel as old as I thought 30 was when I was 20. I don't think as old as I thought I would think when I was 20. I know that people who are 20 look at me like I'm old but I'm okay with that. I wouldn't trade 30 for 20 anyday. Turns out, I like me at this age and stage. I may not have that body anymore but I feel like fine wine. My character is deeper; my life is richer; my relationships are more lasting.

I couldn't help but think about how quickly the next 10 years will go and where I might be then. I don't normally set far off goals. I'm far too fickle for that. Besides, I might change my mind! What I did think about was my family and what we'll look like then.

It's strange to think that I'll have a 10 year old boy running around at that time. By then there will hopefully be more children and perhaps a few we've adopted. Perhaps we'll live overseas or perhaps Marty will have a recording contract. Perhaps we'll sell our house and live in a RV and travel the country. Probably not. As it turns out, I'm sort of looking forward to growing old. I do, however, fully enjoy exactly where I am at this place in my life. I'm acutely aware of how extremely and abundantly blessed I am.

The Lord has been good to me - more than good.

Happy Birthday to me!

Christmastime Is Here

2007-12-17T08:53:00.000-08:00

So, it turns out we've been celebrating Christmas since the day after Thanksgiving. Proven by the picture of Jake and Justice in their Santa suits - taken the day after Thanksgiving.

This season, I'm really trying to take everything in. Making sure I notice the lights and sounds. Christmas carols aren't even bothering me this year. We put up the tree and lights at home the week after Thanksgiving and even have wrapped presents under there as I'm writing this. We're finished shopping and it feels good.

Justice started crawling about a week and a half ago. Now, when I say he started crawling, I should clarify. He has been pushing backwards on his hands and knees for quite some time now - about 2 months. He was doing really well with it too - except that he kept getting farther and farther away from his target. So, on the seventh, he started actually putting more than one knee forward in a row. Now, he's got this thing down pat. It's kind of scary actually. I'm learning just how dangerous my house is for a 7 month old. Last night, he got pretty stinkin' close to the fan in our room. Do they have child safety things for fans? I guess it's called the off switch.

On top of everything else, he thinks everything is hilarious! I took him to the grocery store and sat him in the front of the buggy. The entire time he simply dangled his legs and giggled at the oatmeal boxes and bread and other items that line the aisles. He also tends to think the car door is funny and Lilly our dog.

I hope that your Christmas season is as enjoyable as mine has been. Having Justice around makes everything more fun - except perhaps when he wakes up at 3 am just because. Perhaps he's teething again.

Merry Christmas!
Joy

Picture Pages, Picture Pages

2007-10-22T11:10:00.001-07:00

It has been a while since I've posted pictures of Justice. So, here we go.

I may just be a proud mom but seriously, isn't he INCREDIBLY adorable? I hate to brag but Target did ask to use one of his pictures for their display. We didn't get much for the shot except bragging rights.

Here's to 6 months of complete and utter amazement and to the next 6 of taking it all in and never EVER getting enough of the baby boy.

Joy

There were 10 in the bed

2007-10-01T06:04:00.000-07:00

and the little one said
"Roll Over, Roll Over"

And since Justice is no longer the little one (according to the charts at the dr.'s office)- he complied and rolled right over from his back to his stomache and has been rolling over ever since.

He is also cutting two teeth which is SOOO MUCH FUN for mommy and daddy. My happy, smiley, fun baby has now become cranky and just plain mad for most of the day. Pretty difficult to deal with. We've pretty much hooked up an IV full of Tylenol to him to keep him from being in pain.

He now loves his feet - can't get enough of them. He likes to pull his socks off and he'll also curl up in a ball just to get that big toe in his mouth - quite amusing.

I believe we are in trouble as well. His Granny gave him some water through a straw which he took to with some delight. That, of course, was not the problem. The problem is MY FATHER who got so excited when he heard that Justice can drink out of a straw. Why, you ask. Because now he can give Justice SWEET tea through a straw!! I keep protesting but my dad just looks at me with that smug look on his face and smiles and nods his head. He doesn't care what I want - Justice WILL be served sweet tea! Thankfully, he's leaving for Greece and Turkey today and won't be home for three weeks - so I'm safe for a little while longer.

I have been abandoned by my family this week. Every single one of them has left town. Marty's in TX, mom's going to officers councils, dad's off to Greece, Marty's mom and dad are up to Norfolk to see the other kids and grandkids. So, it's just Justice and me this week. Woohoo! It would figure though that on the very night that we're spending our first night at home by ourselves, Justice would get a fever. Then, the next morning, I would fall down the stairs on the front porch while carrying him. Thankfull I'm the only one who got a few scrapes here and there. I was quite scared however. Only 3 sleeps until they all return.

Here's to days flying by and nights when Justice only wakes up twice. Please Lord, make it so.

Joy

When I Grow Up

2007-09-20T11:51:00.000-07:00

There are just some things that no one says as a kid.

For example, I never EVER said,

"When I grow up I want to scoop poop out of a diaper."

And yet, this morning, that's exactly what I did.

I suppose there are a few ways in which having a dog gets you ready for kids. Cleaning up doggy diarrhea (believe it or not) was so much worse than what happened this morning.

Ah, the lengths to which we'll go to raise healthy kids.

Here's to tomorrow morning and more, yep, you guessed it

Poop Scooping,
Joy

Reset Button

2007-09-14T12:34:00.000-07:00

Justice has been sick this past week. We ended up taking him to the immediate care place on Saturday with a return trip on Sunday. Someone should have warned me as to what they would do to him once we got there! I was not prepared.

His temp got up to 102 on Saturday evening around 5 pm. I'm guessing it's true what other parents say about how kids tend to get sick when regular doctor's offices are closed. So, going on Aunt Dr. Bethany's advice we took him to Children's Healthcare's satellite center. We get in to see the doctor and he recommends doing several "procedures" to make sure that he doesn't have a bacterial infection. Turns out they need to catheterize him, take a chest x-ray, draw blood and do a heel prick!!!

I was fine through the catheterization. My baby screamed and I shed a few tears because he was breaking my heart. I held him still during the chest x-ray as he screamed. BUT THEN!! Oh and then...a weirdo guy who was slow talking and didn't look at all like he should be allowed to take blood from my baby came in with his acutraments and proceeded to tell us what he was going to do. He mentioned finding a vein and I was out of there. I, personally, don't have a problem with needles. I am, in fact, a little mesmerized by them. On this day, however, the pain that was about to be inflicted upon my 4 month old son was more than I could bare. I simply turned to Marty and said I'm leaving. I took a trip to the restroom and then stood just outside of the restroom which was four or five doors down from the room where the torture was taking place. From there I could hear Justice scream and scream and scream and I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. After that, I returned to the quick, sad breaths of a little boy who had just been put through the ringer and was tired. So, he fell sound asleep. Then, oh and then, the nurse comes to administer the shot of antibiotics. Oh good, I now get to wake up my infant to the pain of yet another needle. Saturday night was not a good night.

Saturday night was followed by several days of runny nose, the inability to breathe, and sleepless nights. Cleaning out his nose is nowhere near as fun as oh say, a poke in the eye but much more necessary. I do have to admit that I would be quite proud of myself if a great green glob was produced. That's how I knew I was successful. I am amused at the strangest things sometimes.

Baby J is doing so much better now. No more runny nose, no more fever, no more trips to the doctor for mean shots. Two nights ago, however, I did find myself searching for his reset button. You know, the one that would make him like the baby we had before the sickness. You see, throughout the ordeal my mother's heart and sense said, hold him, squeeze him, ROCK HIM TO SLEEP. And so I did. Prior to this incident however, we were laying him in his crib and after a small amount of cries and a small fight, Justice would fall asleep to his mommy's humming and gentle caress on the cheek. Now Justice knows he could quite possibly get someone to hold him if he'll just scream his bloody head off for an hour and a half!!! He knows the pleasure of being rocked and even nursed to sleep and he is not doing well with the withdrawal. Two nights ago, there was multiple tactics used to encourage sleep; bouncing of the mattress, rocking the baby, humming, singing, whispering in his ear. All to no avail. I finally picked him up and had him fall asleep. Last night, more of the same ensued but with sheer determination to see him return to the baby before. So, the fight became less and he actually slept until 3:30 a.m.

I am still in favor of a reset button though. One that would reset his time clock. Make him take naps at the right times and for the right length of time. Give him the desire to go to sleep at the right time. I have a feeling this won't be the only time I have a wish for such a thing. So goes parenthood.

Here's to long naps and stretches of night-time between feedings.
Joy

My Boy

2007-09-04T06:10:00.000-07:00

Two weeks ago we dedicated Justice while at Bible Conference. It was a great ceremony. We had everyone in our immediate family do something. My mom welcomed guests and lead a song, Aunt Bethany and Aunt Dawn read a letter each that Marty and I had written to Justice. "Uncle" Bernie sang a song that Marty and I had written which I think was pretty good if I do say so myself. Then both our dads performed the ceremony. We even got Uncle Matt (Dawn's husband who thinks The Salvation Army might be a cult) held a flag during the service. It was, however, the American flag. My mom had three words out of her mouth before she started to cry and the snot fest began. It really was a wonderful day.

We had a reception afterwards with a train cake! Totally cool was to celebrate. So many of our friends came and many drove around 6 hours that day just to be there. Really incredible. Here are a few pics from the blessed event.

We got home from Bible Conference and took Justice to the doctor. It was time for his 4 month well check. Turns out my boy's quite big for his age. I kind of imagine the scene that happened in the doctor's office like a boxing match:

The announcer says: "And in this corner, weighing in at 17 lbs 11 oz and 29" tall we have Justice Andrew Mikles who is the height of an 8 month old and the weight of a six month old."

I knew he was tall. I knew he weighed a lot. I knew it had to happen but I didn't expect it to be so drastic. When the doctor said to me, "So, I guess he's in 6 - 9 month clothes." I almost fell out of my chair. "Why no doctor. I've been putting 3 - 6 month clothes on him because that's how old he is." It didn't dawn on me that perhaps I should move up a size in clothes even though the ones he was wearing were getting a little bit snug. It didn't dawn on me that perhaps Justice might be a little bit more comfortable if I'd stop cramming him into those adorable overalls that cause red marks on his legs.

So, this weekend Mom and I went shopping for some 6 - 9 months clothes that Justice could wear now. He has plenty of long-sleeved items that are that size. Like any good mom, I bought those while they were on sale at the outlets. Duh! It didn't occur to me, however, that he might need a few short sleeve shirts in that size because he would need them while it was still warm outside.

We're in Target picking up various items and it occurs to me to check the weight and height on the labels to make sure that 6 - 9 month clothing was appropriate. Hmmmm....the 6 - 9 month clothing tops out at 28". So, if he grows another 1/2 an inch he's out of those as well. Yikes! I spent that day buying my 4 month old 12m clothing. Say what?!? I'm not okay with this by the way. Yes, he has some new adorable clothes but I'm not ready for this! Oh well.

Here's to...what is it everyone keeps telling me? oh yes....

HEALTHY BABIES!

Joy

Just Pics

2007-08-09T12:56:00.000-07:00

These are some pictures from this summer. They're from the end of June and Justice has changed a bunch since then. I'll have to post another just pictures blog once I can get all of the newer ones on my computer.

Joy

7,8,9 10, 11 and 12 weeks

2007-07-02T13:03:00.001-07:00

This post was originally written over two weeks ago but now that I'm back at work, I can't get on to blogger. So, finding time to get on the internet after work with Justice around has proven difficult. On top of that, for some reason my computer won't connect to the internet at my parent's house where Justice and I have been staying for the month of July while Marty's been travelling. So, I'm just going to post this post without pictures since they're on my computer. Sorry for the disappointment. When I can figure it all out, I'll post just pictures. That's probably all you people want anyway.

So, in week 7 my boy rolled from his stomache to his back all by himself. I've always known that he was advanced. It was confirmed on that day though. Perhaps he's just extra strong. All I know is, I couldn't believe it. Marty told me he did it (of course he showed off for his daddy first) and I thought it was probably a fluke but the very next day he rolled over again! Ever since he just rolls right over when he chooses. Go figure.

During week 8 we all took a visit to Tampa to see Marty's grandfather get married. What a trip! We took Justice to the zoo for the first time. He doesn't like the heat so we wet him with water from stingray bay. Really really disgusting but you'll do just about anything when you have a fussy baby who's overheating. Then he took a nap while we watched the manatees. The big uproar came when one of the bigger fish (manatee or turtle) took a poop and the others ate it. I know, gross but that really was the most fascinating part of the day it seemed - or maybe the most interesting.

Then, in week 9 we went to Myrtle Beach with my ENTIRE family and when I say entire I mean ENTIRE. We were in two condominiums with 20 something people which is always a bit of fun mixed in with a lot of noise, confusion and food. I think I had dessert with every meal last week, if not two and most days Breakfast was some sort of dessert (thank you Krispy Kreme, Pop Tarts and Oatmeal Cake). We took trips to the beach and to the pool. I must admit that Justice does not like the water yet but he looked really cute in his swim diaper, shirt and hat. Gotta love it. We were able to hang out with Matt, Danielle and Ella which is always quite fun, if not a little dangerous. We also spent quite a good bit of time with Leslie, Nick, Whit, Ray, Lindsey, J and Z. We had a pool party one night and a birthday party. If anyone knows how to party, we do. We even exploded Diet Cokes on the pool deck with Mentos. Totally works, you should try it. We spent a day at the outlets. Buying baby clothes is so much fun! Almost more fun than buying clothes for me. Justice is now ready for next spring and summer as long as he doesn't outgrow them before we get there. I wish vacation could last all year long.

Justice has now been going to his sitters, the lovely Emma, for three weeks. Leaving him really wasn't horrible. I cried for a few days leading up to it (just a little each day) and then a little when I left him. I did enjoy being back around adults for the majority of my day and the challenge of work was nice although I could use a little less time there and more time with my boy. Oh well!

This past weekend Marty and I actually had a date - alone - without Justice. We went to dinner and a movie. It was really nice being able to leave Justice with his Granny and Pop Pop (Marty mom and dad) and simply hang out together.

So, now we're gearing up for TMI and TYI which I'm a little worried about taking care of Justice while making sure I get all my stuff done. Should be alright though. If anyone has any tips on how to make it all work out, I'm open to suggestions.

Here's to growing up slow,
Joy

P.S. Sally, the website for the necklace I had that you liked is www.kodakgallery.com/familyjewels.

The Commissioning Catastrophe

2007-06-11T12:21:00.000-07:00

Okay, so maybe it wasn't quite a catastrophe but by the way I was acting, you would've thought it was.

The Saturday of Commissioning Justice chose not to eat from 3 p.m. to 9:30 p.m. Yes, I was scared to death BECAUSE not only had he not eaten but he was so lethargic - just laying still not moving really. He hadn't slept either and he was pooping a lot and not peeing. So, I was scared. We probably should've taken him to the E.R. but once he ate I felt better, took him home so that he could sleep and the next day all was well!

Connie and Andy - thanks so much for the formula and the advice, as well as the consulation. Sue - thanks to you too! I really needed a few moms to help me realize that he wasn't actually going to die and that he would be okay. I guess it's weird that when anything goes wrong I think he's going to die but I do. Go figure!

To all of you who saw me bawling my eyes out and were worried, I'm sorry for causing worry. Everything's fine, I promise. I'll try not to make such a big scene next time around!

Today Justice is 7 weeks old! I didn't have a chance to post a six weeks picture so, that's first and then the seven weeks. It's amazing how much he's grown in just a little time. I laid him down in his bassinet last week and I had to take a double take because his head was at the top and his feet were pushing against the bottom. I thought, when did that happen? So, that's his seven week picture. I'm sad because he'll have to start sleeping in his crib probably next week and I'm not sure I'm ready for him to be all the way in another room. Of course, it is only about five steps but it's too soon! I watched other kids this weekend and was filled with bittersweet emotions. I can't wait for him to grow up and do those fantastic things that children do but at the same time I just want him to stay the same - all cuddly and cozy.

SIX WEEKS

SEVEN WEEKS

He's a happy baby now. He smiles all the time and even laughs every once in a while. He's got a fire truck that hangs above his changing table and almost every time I change his diaper he has a conversation with that thing. He loves it!

He coos back all the time and he's awake more of the day. I'm not quite sure what to do with him now that he's awake so much of the time. I could get so much more done during the day when he slept. Yikes! I guess I'll have to learn.

Have a great week. Next week he's 2 months! I can't believe it. We're heading to Tampa this weekend. Hopefully this time around the travel won't be so rough. We'll see.

To enjoying this week and taking it all in.

Joy

As Promised!

2007-06-08T08:00:00.000-07:00

Here are the pics of the house I mentioned last week. Not only have I included one of the outside work we had done last week but of the inside renovations we've made too. Just a note - most of the inside pictures were taken from the same angle. Just want you to see how much work was done. The only one not at the same angle is the one of the brown paint.

Justice updates soon - he's starting to coo! Thought I'd give those of you tired of Justice updates a break.

To a Brand New House that was built a long time ago!
Joy

5 weeks!

2007-05-30T16:50:00.001-07:00

So, this week has been busy but fun. Monday we had a cookout at Mom and Dad's which was so much fun. Ella dipped her feet in the kiddie pool and then did a pole dance.

Be Fri Laly was here for part of the week. She took care of Justice and me - did the laundry, kept me company, listened to me talk about what it's like to be a mommy incessantly, held baby boy, and even volunteered to clean poopie diapers! She's the most fantastic be fri ever!

And on top of everything else, we had the house reroofed and painted. Now, everything in the house and outside the house is new! We just have to lay new floor in a bathroom and cement stain the floor in the laundry room and it's a brand new house! I'll have to publish pictures of this later but trust me, the red shutters and door are awesome!

On top of everything else, Justice has begun to establish really great eating habits. In fact, last night he ate at 8 and 12 and then at 5! Lucky me! Being a parent is at least getting easier.

4 weeks old

2007-05-21T13:30:00.000-07:00

Today Justice is 4 weeks old! 1 month! We made it baby! I'm not quite sure what that means but it feels good. It feels like we met a milestone. I no longer freak out every time he cries. I get that's what babies do. I've even begun to figure out the difference in his cries - hungry cry, tired cry, gas pain cry. I no longer cry every day because I'm scared I might "lose" him. I only cry every once in a while when I'm past the point of exhausted and closer to comatose (is that how you spell that?).

He had his first trip this past weekend to see my Dad get his Master's Degree! Travel and Justice do not mix well at this point. Hopefully that will change before the middle of June when we take our next trip to Tampa.

And tonight, as I was holding him, I saw him smile! Not a gas release smile that he didn't know he was doing but one because I was talking to him and holding him!

Four weeks and couting!
Joy

3 weeks

2007-05-14T11:24:00.000-07:00

Justice is three weeks old today! He is now eating every hour to two hours. I didn't understand what that meant until I realized that it sometimes takes 45 minutes to feed him. Doing anything else right now is quite difficult. However, today I discovered the joys of the swing. Justice just sits and swings and his little heart is content.

Other changes in our lives:

there are now receiving blankets scattered throughout my house - on the crib, on the bassinet, on the car seat, even on the high chair which hasn't even been used yet.

we have now spent a fortune on professional pictures, doctor's visits, clothes for Justice and more crib sheets.

going outside without a car seat or stroller is a a novelty

i now know what a little boy's penis looks like before it's about to go off which helps considerably with changing diapers - now if we could just figure out what to do during bath time

i'm a paranoid mom - we call our family pediatrician - Aunt Bethany - at least twice a week about figment problems. Thanks Bethany for your patience!

So, that's life in the Mikles' household. I'm a little worried about next week when Marty goes back to work and I'm here by myself. I'm sure there will be plenty to keep me busy. The question is whether or not Justice will let me do them because of his growing appetite.

P.S. Mom's day was absolutely fantastic. I have a wonderful husband who showered me with gifts - family portraits and a mother/child necklace which is beautiful. Justice actually slept the entire day except for the times when he was eating and we got to spend it with family. Gotta love days like that!

Christened

2007-04-30T15:14:00.000-07:00

This afternoon, Mom and I were giving Justice a bath and as soon as we got finished and halfway wrapped him up in a towel, he peed. All over me, my mom and the ottoman that goes with my glider rocker. Thank goodness for Resolve's new Multi Fabric Cleaner.

Honestly, I didn't mind all that much. I just kept thinking of Drew Barrymore's character in "Riding in Cars with Boyse." You know the scene - she's hopping across the room with a pee drenched t-shirt on and a toothbrush with toothpaste all over screaming, "He pee in my mouth!"

It could've been worse.

Welcome to the World!

2007-04-29T13:52:00.000-07:00

So, most of you have probably already read Marty's blog - complete with pictures of our beautiful son but I just couldn't let this event pass without at least writing something about the most incredible moment of my life.

It all started early Monday morning around 3 am. You know, I've heard of women being scheduled to be induced but then go into labor on their own the night before but I just thought it was a fluke - not to happen to me. However, it did. By the time we got to the hospital for our 9 am appointment to be induced I was already dilated 5 cm. That was my biggest hope for pregnancy - to have everything start naturally and progress that way - you know as natural as things can occur with an epidural. By 5 cm I was in a whole heck of a lot of paint and was ready for the drugs. Call me a wimp, call me what you will but I'd do it again in a heartbeat!

So, once the epidural kicked in, I couldn't even tell when I was having contractions - yay! We hung out until about 3:45 when the nurse had me start pushing and out came Justice at 5:04.

For the first couple of days after he was born and we were still in the hospital, the knowledge that we had a baby was sort of surreal. Even holding him felt like maybe he was on loan or something. Then they let us bring him home! What?!? We've had some rocky days, crazy nights and not a whole lot of sleep. Would I do it again? For a chance to hold Justice? Absolutely! For the opportunity to love someone so much? There's not even a question about it. He's the most incredible little human being I've ever met and I can't wait to see what God's got in store for him and us.

So, just in case you missed some of the pictures on Marty's blog - here are a few more.

Motherhood is fantastic!
Joy

Coming Soon to a Household Near You!

2007-04-20T08:01:00.000-07:00

So, it turns out that if Justice doesn't show up before Monday, Marty and I will head to the hospital and I'll be induced on the 23rd! I'm not really excited about being induced, in fact, I truly am praying that he'll come on his own before then. However, I'm not willing to wait any longer than that. I know, some people would say I'm crazy for willingly being induced and perhaps I am but I know plenty of women who have been induced and have come out on the other side just fine!

You know what's nice about all of this? Today is my last day of work for 3 WHOLE MONTHS!! I leave my office today and I don't have to come back until mid-July!!! I can't tell you how exciting that is for me.

You know what else is exciting about today being my last day of work? After today, I will no longer have to walk down the hall and have EVERY single person stop me and ask a question that deserves a stupid sign. Here are some examples: "You still here?" No, I'm a figment of your imagination. "You still haven't had that baby yet?" Actually, I have. I did that over my lunch break. The doctors say the stomache swelling will go down in three to four hours. "You still hanging on?" Hanging on? Hanging on to what? "You ready to have that baby?" What gave it away? My waddling? My constant trips to the bathroom? The bags under my eyes (which I understand will just get worse when baby comes) from lack of sleep? Kelly said to me a few weeks ago that it's just people trying to be nice. I know. I do. That's what's kept me from screaming when it just becomes too much. But I'm ready to not be the person EVERYONE, even the people I don't know, feels compelled to say something to. It's hard to have the same conversation every day, about 10 times as you walk down the hallway, for weeks on end without becoming bored from the repetition. What I do appreciate are the people who ask the questions that aren't among the constant. For example, I had someone ask me the other day how I was sleeping at night. Now that's a thought out question from someone who knows. Someone else asked if the nursery was ready. Different - not completely creative - but different!

So, needless to say, I'm excited about the fact that today's my last day of work. I'm also excited that by Monday, if not before, I'll have a baby who is a direct reflection of Marty and I to hold in my arms and that thought alone is worth all of the stupid questions.

What do you have to look forward to in the coming months? Stories about spit up, feedings, firsts (smiles, laughs, stinky poos), all the baby talk you might not have ever wanted to know or read. If it all just gets too boring, I would tell you to let me know but I'm not sure it will matter.

So, farewell for a while! I'm off to have a baby!
Joy

SURPRISE!!

2007-04-09T07:59:00.000-07:00

This past weekend was one of those weekends that absolutely exhausts you. Friday morning began early with a list of to-dos that was as long as my arm. Vacuum, clean up back yard, make baby's room a little bit nicer, go grocery shopping, get ready for Good Friday Service. You get the picture. Marty and I were having a cookout that night to say thank you to the people who helped us endlessly in the Fall with remodeling the house. They were the ones who hammered, nailed, dry-walled, sawed and did everything that neither Marty or I knew how to do. They even showed up to our house once in the fall while we were out of the country to put together cabinets. So, yeah, they deserved a nice steak and shrimp dinner. By the end of that day though, I thought I was going to pass out standing in the middle of the room I was so tired.

Then Saturday morning came and with it, another day's worth of to-do's, well, just one to-do - attend Childbirth Education Classes. So, we had McD's two mornings in a row for breakfast and headed to Piedmont Hospital for class. While I'm so grateful for the fact that we went, I have now seen way too many vaginas in my lifetime. Those videos they show you don't even warn you as to when it's coming. One scene it's a shot of her face and she's breathing - the next it's all, well, you know and I'm just not comfortable with that. I was telling someone yesterday that I'm glad we went because I think now Marty understands how important his role is. He doesn't just have to sit by and twiddle his thumbs - not that he was ever planning on that. He gets to be an active participant and be my support which I'm learning more and more will be so necessary. He learned how to try and make me relax and be more comfortable. I think it excited him too to know now how important he is in all of this. Everyone keeps asking me if I'm ready but after Saturday I might be less ready. I don't think I've quite come to grips with how all of this works nor have I realized how much hard work is still ahead. We'll get through it, I know but am I ready, am I excited? I just don't think about it to be honest.

Saturday evening came and we were supposed to have dinner at Bernie and Laura's. Thankfully I changed from the jogging pants and tank top I had on for class into something a little bit more presentable before heading over there. Then, on the way out the door Marty says, "We have to stop and get something to eat. Laura's just having snacks." I asked why we were going then. "To watch the Muppet movies," he non-chalantly replies. Ah! So, we show up at Bernie and Laura's with Taco Bell bags in our hands and there are all these people there who yell "Surprise!" I'm dumbfounded. My jaw hits the floor. I'm so confused and then I just turn and hit Marty because there's a table full of food and he just let me eat a Chalupa. Thank goodness I had changed my clothes. All these beautiful friends of mine had showed up to Laura's house to throw a shower! There was fondue and mushroom dip and cake and games and presents and just fun times hanging out. I loved it! I couldn't believe that Kelly and Laura and Emma pulled it off and that so many other people helped. That was definitely one surprise for which I had no clue - at all! Thank you everyone who came and everyone who pitched in to make it work. I don't even know what went on behind the scenes but you guys really know how to make a girl feel special. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Then Easter came and with it a new Easter outfit which itched and unless I continually pulled my pants up, made me look like Humpty Dumpty. Pants in the right place though and I was cute. Pants slipping and I looked like a little person. Ella was decked out in her beautiful Easter Dress with matching hat might I add. The Easter Bunny visited and even thought of Justice! He got beachwear - sunhat, sunglasses, sunshirt, swim diaper, everything. And I got CHOCOLATE!!! I love that Easter Bunny!

So, my weekend was full. It even included a trip to the movies last night to see Blades of Glory! What a great way to end the weekend!

Now, if only I had a few days to recover from my weekend.

Here's to three day weekends, cookouts, surprises, labor techniques and the Easter Bunny! I hope your Easter was as full and wonderful as mine!

Only Three Weeks To Go

2007-03-30T08:01:00.000-07:00

With three weeks left before Justice arrives (you know, more or less) I'm still amazed at the things that have and are still happening to me and to him. I'm amazed at the movement I feel from him almost constantly now. Sometimes I wish he would quit but other times I just enjoy watching the rise and fall of my abdomen knowing it's not me making that happen. I'm amazed that just recently he started having the hiccups and now it's a daily occurance - one I'm not all that fond of but still amazed by. I can't figure out why or how he gets them. I'm amazed by the fact that I can still tie my shoes and shave my legs although not without some struggle. I'm amazed that ,so far, I'm stretch mark free. I'm amazed that I can continue to funtion on little to no sleep because the trips to the bathroom at night now come in at an average of four a night. I'm amazed that I have not had any cravings throughout this entire pregnancy. Foods that I absolutely didn't want have been bountiful - foods that I absolutely had to have or else I would die have been non-existant. I'm amazed that as hard as we've worked to make the house ready for Justice, we're still not through. I'm amazed that Lilly knows something's up and won't leave my side of the bed at night. I'm amazed at how prepared we seem to be - car seat in the car, crib put together, changing table put together - and at the same time, how unprepared we seem to be - things needing to be washed and sterilized, items put away, bassinet put in place.

Last but not least, what I can't seem to fathom, imagine or wrap my head around is how different our lives will be once he comes. All of our priorities will shift and life as we now know it will be different. I wonder if how I relate to friends will be different. I find myself afraid that I'll bore them with stories of spit up and diaper changes or that I won't get as much time with them as I do now. I guess this is part of life - or some people's lives. People keep asking me if I'm ready. Ready to stop carrying him around on the inside? Yes. Ready to meet him and see what he looks like? Yes. Ready with all of the things he will need? I hope so. Ready for the emotional changes headed my way? I don't know how you prepare for that. Ready for the responsibility? I'm not sure. It's all so crazy.

I guess I've gone to rambling now and for that I'm sorry. Just a lot on my mind that I seem to say every day but yet can't shake.

Marty's out of town this weekend so the prayer for now is that Justice won't decide to make his appearance until Marty's back in town.

Here's hoping that at least a little more of the physical preparations happen this weekend.

TGIF!
Joy

My BIGGEST Pet Peeve

2007-03-23T08:19:00.000-07:00

Everyone hates telephone salesmen - no doubt. Discover Card salespeople are the worst. They call and ask if you're home - you tell them no. Leave it at that! But then they say, well, you're not so and so. Okay, maybe I am. Don't call me on the lie I just told you. Take the hint - I don't want to talk to you. Whatever it is you have to sell me isn't worth my time! No I don't want a bigger spending limit; no I don't want insurance for my purchases that costs me $2.99/month; No! No! No! No! No! No! I've done everything in my power to make these calls stop. I no longer have a home phone. I added our cell phone numbers to that government no call site. So far, so good.

But here's what's worse - Christian Salespeople! Please don't get me wrong. I love Jesus. I have a heart for ministry. I want people to know and love my Savior. I do! I really do! But what's worse about Christian salespeople is that they call you at work where it's unethical to screen your calls and darn IT for not giving you one of those nifty phones that tells you who's calling. Then, they launch into a lengthy discussion with you about the type of ministry you're in and how you just need their product - the Bible study that's so edgy, so hip, so eye-catching! I fell prey a few times. Thought maybe BlueFishTV really did have some quality stuff. I got the little box with all the DVDs and realized that really - I could've done a better job. Then, oh and then, they want you to pay them to return it. Please include $4.75 to cover our costs for shipping! Say what?!?

Today I get a call from BlueFish and it's a man who won't shut up. Christian salespeople don't even give you a chance in the beginning to say "Thank You, I'm not interested." Then, if you tell them you're not interested AFTER you've listened to them drone on for at least 10 minutes, they make you feel guilty and continue to push you to accept their product for your resource room or to share with other Salvationists or to just watch and return - for $4.75!

The only thing I keep thinking is, please, just send me a flyer for your conference or your materials. I'll come if I hear from someone else that it's really worth my time. If not, then I have the option just to throw it in the trash. As for your materials, get LifeWay to stock them. Then, when I need some materials, I can go there and choose whether or not to purchase.

Why is it that I always feel like they think I'm not really a Christian when I hang up the phone? Ugh!

And you thought this was going to be another diatribe about my pregnancy!

A family Affair

2007-03-13T10:10:00.000-07:00

This past Saturday was our first baby shower! Mom, Danielle, Kelly and I left Tucker early that morning (I didn't think 7 a.m. occurred twice on Saturdays but evidently it does - as does 6 a.m., the time when we woke up to be ready to leave at 7). By the way, I am also aware of the fact that once Justice arrives, I'll probably never sleep past 7 a.m. again. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

So, we got to Gastonia around 10:30. Most of the people who came were all family - even family members I didn't know showed up! Go figure! They even brought the best presents. One is pictured below - the blue and green quilt - love it! That's from my dad's cousin Judy who I had never met until last year when she and her two sisters came to Danielle's shower.

Poor Heather was the only non-family member there. She was a super sport about the whole thing and really got into it all - even though she doesn't do the girly things in life. She did mention however that my accent was much worse this past weekend than it was when I visited her and Rob a few weeks earlier. Warning - that's what family does to you.

That afternoon we had yet another shower for my prego cousin Kelly. She was so surprised and it was nice to be on the other end of a shower - taking pics, writing down gift items.

Sunday, got to hang out with Kelly (not the cousin but the friend), Lesley and Laura. We enjoyed brunch at Murphy's and then painted pottery to celebrate Laura's birthday. I'm excited to get our pieces back because everyone was so creative. Perhaps I'll get to publish pics of the finished products. Anyway, it was a great day to talk and listen, spend time with the girls, and hope for more opportunities like that.

Just in case anyone else is counting - we now have 5 weeks and 5 days left until the due date. Everytime I think about that I feel like someone just knocked the wind out of me. Is that a bad thing? Oh well.

My lovely aunts (who threw the shower), my mother and I behind the diaper cake. By the way, my mom saw what I was packing to wear that day to the shower and totally ambushed me.

Cousin Judy and I holding the lovely blanket she made for Justice.

The reversible blanket my Granny made for us. I love that Granny!

The Thrill of it All

2007-03-06T11:16:00.000-08:00

Two days ago Marty looks at me and says, "We've only got seven weeks to go until your due date!" He's smiling. I, on the other hand, almost begin to hyperventilate. "Nu uh," I say," we have eight weeks left. Then, he proves it to me on a calendar.

How did that happen? How did we get to seven weeks and I thought we were at eight? I'm not sure but eight I could handle. That was 2 months. I still had 2 months. Seven weeks is less than two months - it's one month and three weeks or, to be exact, 53 days from today!

Excitement has started to set in. The things I had been postponing until, you know, right before the baby comes I should be doing. Freezing meals, seriously cleaning the house, washing baby clothes. I don't know. What else do you do right before a baby comes? Oh yeah, hang doors, paint walls and listen to your husband smack his thumb with a hammer. (Just kidding - he's pretty good with tools.)

The past couple of months have been crazy. Got to paint pottery with best friend Laly. Below are some pictures. Bought a new car - Nissan Pathfinder to be exact. Marty's like a kid in a candy store. Went to breastfeeding school. Who knew you had to be taught how to feed your kid?

Now I'm looking forward to the showers my lovely family and friends are throwing all over the place. I get to go paint pottery this Sunday with Laura and Kelly to celebrate Laura's birthday. I think I'm addicted. So, that's life in a nutshell. I'm just seriously hoping now that all the stuff for work gets done before baby comes.

Here's to the next 53 days!
Joy

2007-02-26T13:14:00.000-08:00

1:19 AM - Smoke Detector's battery dies causing short horrendously ear splitting noise to go off once every 1 to 2 minutes.

1:20 AM - Marty tries replacing battery

1:30 AM - Smoke Detector is now wrapped in a towel and safely placed in the garage (far away from human ears)

Added to the TO DO LIST:

Purchase Smoke Detector

Hope your evening is much more restful!

The Beginning of Week 31

2007-02-23T12:46:00.000-08:00

I have 9 weeks left until Justice comes. Surprisingly enough (i guess) I'm not ready for this to be over. I'm not ready to "get this over with" nor do I want him to come early. Janell said last week, "Mark my words, he'll be here in six weeks." Wha huh? No please. I haven't said this to most people but I'm going to confess. I don't want him to come early because if he does then I'll have to return to work before I get to go on vacation with my family. So, I have about a 2 week span where he could come early. Anymore than that and I'm back at work while everyone else gets tans. Not that I tan really but I would like to feel the sand beneath my feet.

Laly came to visit this weekend. She's the greatest. We went and painted pottery and spent ALL of the day there. Who knew it took so long to make a teapot pretty? That whole three coats of paint rule can be a bit much. We ate at Everybody's Pizza. If you haven't been - you should go. Love it!

More than that, I just love spending time with my best friend. It's about quality time and conversation when we're together. We talk about everything - our relationships, people we care about, work, our hopes, our dreams. It's not all serious but it's so refreshing to just spend time with someone that you know genuinely cares and wants to know what's going on and that you trust with anything. Wish we still lived in the same city. Maybe someday.

Valentine's Day was nice. We didn't celebrate until the Friday afterwards though. Actually, Marty found his present a day early. It was my fault. I asked him to empty the closet where it was stashed so that the carpet people could get to the floor in there. There it was. Doh! I even missed seeing his reaction but he assures me he likes it. I got roses in three colors this year - white for "I can't remember," Marty said, yellow because we're friends and red because he loves me. He's sweet but also a little sappy at times. He took me to California Dreamin' and I had lovely fried shrimp - yummmmmm. (This post is starting to sound like I'm hungry, I'm not, I promise). He also gave me a FANTASTIC GC to Spa Sydell for a prenatal massage but that was a belated birthday gift. Hey, if I have to wait a month every year for a gift that good, I don't mind one bit.

We're heading to Charlotte this weekend for some relaxation with Rob and Heather. We'll get to spend some time with the War College students which should be exciting. I always love receiving the wisdom Rob and Heather have to share.

Next week I'm off to New Orleans to do a set up trip for the Salvationist Service Corps teams that will be spending their summer in Gulfport or NOLA. Should be interesting.

Maybe I am a little hungry or perhaps I simply daydream about food all the time. Does anyone else do that? Maybe it's the whole being pregnant thing. I'm not amazed anymore when people tell me how much weight they gained while they were pregnant. It's hard work NOT gaining all that weight.

I'll quit rambling now.
Have a lovely weekend.

So this is what they call nesting

2007-02-13T07:45:00.000-08:00

I had read about nesting. I heard stories from other women who went through it during their last trimester. I just always wondered what it would look like and whether or not it would happen to me. Honestly, I always secretly hoped it would. It just seemed like some sort of instinctual desire that would take over and help me work through the lack of energy to make sure things got done. Turns out, I was right! It was almost as if the desire kicked in just as Marty's plane left for Argentina. His absence I would not allow to keep me from moving forward. In fact, I saw it as the perfect opportunity to get more done!

So, in the past 2 weeks, we've gotten an over the range microwave installed, one light fixture installed (soon to be two), two bedrooms painted (one is Justice's), a hallway painted and tonight - the family room! Tomorrow, carpet will be installed. Thursday the other light gets installed and this weekend - perhaps we'll see a complete house (perhaps). I can't leave Marty out of this list however. Yesterday, he came home from Argentina and after a short nap, he was up and finished the laminate floor in the kitchen!!!

So, it turns out I was worried about not being ready for nothing. Justice will have a place to lay his head when we bring him home from the hospital (as long as Marty can figure out how to put the crib together) and Marty and I will even have a more beautiful house out of the deal too!

Seriously, it almost feels like a completely new house. There's still a long list of stuff that has to be done - doors hung, hardward installed, trim painted and hung, blah blah blah. But! But, there's this sense of accomplishment that comes with it all that makes the pain and the sleepiness worth it.

Life is slowly returning to normal. We actually eat meals at home now, that I cook. Nevermind that they may or may not have come out of a box. If I have to add heat, I cooked it.

So, nesting, as it turns out, is a real thing - not just a myth. And it didn't pass me by! Hallelujah!

Now, If I could just get Marty to realize how much more superior Starbucks is to Dunkin Donuts, I could at least get a morning caffeine fix instead of just chocolate milk.

What the....it's already week 27?

2007-01-19T12:46:00.000-08:00

People keep asking me when I'm due. I think I might answer that one question on average about 3 times a day. I don't mind (April 22, by the way)I think the part that scares me is the response that usually follows. "It's coming!" or "It'll be here before you know it!" Perhaps to some women that's reassurance - "Thank goodness it's almost over," "it can't come fast enough," "i'm ready." However, for me, that response scares me to death.

Please know, I'm really starting to enjoy being pregnant. I don't mind people touching my belly anymore not since I started to feel him move around anyway. I don't mind people asking how I'm feeling. But perhaps that's the problem too. I'm just now starting to get the hang of it and I'm over the half way mark! Marty looked at me last night and said, "Just 13 more weeks!" I think I might have gone into shock.

When people respond, "Not long now," all I can think of is the mess that still clutters my home under the guises of kitchen remodeling and the mess my husband calls his office which is actually where he keeps his clothes piled on a chair and a lot of musical instruments. All of this stands in the way of a room becoming a nursery and me feeling a little bit more secure about a baby coming home with us one day. All of that haunts me when someone says, "not long now!" "I'll never be ready," is my immediate thought. I suppose that's why people look at me with such confusion after they give a remark that probably brings relief to women and my face simply scrunches up and I give a pathetic, "yeah."

So, basically, I just wanted to let the world know, via this source, that I really am excited. If it doesn't look like it when you're trying to be assuring please forgive me. The fear just seems to take over at the most inopportune times. I'll try better from now on I promise. We're getting there as far as being prepared but in the meantime, please accept my apologies.

Thank you most sincerely,
Joy

The Orange Peel!

2007-01-17T08:09:00.000-08:00

Last night Marty and I went out with a bunch of friends to celebrate my birthday. It was a little late but I didn't mind. I got great sushi out of the deal. Near the end of the meal, Bernie tells the server that it is my birthday. To my horror, the next thing you hear is a really loud man over a microphone yelling, "Happy Birthday" along with all of the wait staff and even the kitchen staff. They sang to me in English and what I can only presume to be Japanese.

At the end of the singing - I was at this point ready to kill Bernie - our server says to me, "Our chef here at Ru Sans got something extra special for you for your birthday." He then lays a plate on the table in front of me with an orange on it. "Oh, uh, thanks?" I respond. "No, open it," he says. It's got a few cuts in it. So I begin to peel away afraid something might jump out at me or squirt me. Well, when I finally got the orange peeled, I really did have an extra special gift from the chef - a man made out of an orange peel. He was quite equipped - if you know what I mean.

Just in case you don't, here's a pic to let you know.

That made every embarrassing moment worth it.

Here's hoping your birthday is just as hilarious!

2006-12-04T17:38:00.000-08:00

So, it turns out the Chinese Lunar Calendar was right. Marty and I are going to have a boy!

I didn't really think that could happen. Seriously. I mean I knew that it could happen but I didn't really think that could happen to me. Don't get me wrong - I'm excited we're going to have a boy but it does scare me a little. I don't understand boys. Now there's one floating around in me.

There are boy parts floating around in me! Gross!

So, that's freaking me out a little bit. I really am excited though. This is the first time all of this has seemed real. We saw little arms and little legs, a head, a spine, a belly. He was moving around like crazy! It was great.

In 20 weeks we'll be bringing a bouncing baby boy into the world! Get ready!

Sweet Dreams Are Made of These...

2006-11-22T05:21:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure they've been so sweet lately but dreams I have had.
Here are the ones I can remember, in no particular order.

About a month ago I had a dream that a charter bus pulled up to wherever Marty and I were standing and delivered a kid to us for adoption. I was cool with that. Next thing I know, it wasn't just one kid but three. I hadn't even had my own yet. I remember looking at my mom in the dream and saying, "Four! I can't have four! Not all at once!"

A couple of nights ago I dreamed that I was in the hospital in a large room where they keep a lot of patients (perhaps four or five). I was hooked up to an IV when I noticed that my friend was in a bed across the room from me. We decided to take a walk around the hospital. I noticed that in a few places on her face, her skin was sort of not right. Kind of a different color and hanging off. It was weird but I never asked her what happened. Both of us leave the hospital, we are still in our gowns but we get in a car. Then I notice that her face has healed. Her skin, where it healed is a totally different color than the rest of her face. It was along her jawline and it looked like she had a prosthetic jaw put in. THEN I realized she was holding the old part of her face that had evidently been mauled by a bear! I asked her why her skin on her jaw was a different color. She said it was because they grafted it from her butt!

Last night I had two!

The first: My mom, Lorelie and I were shopping in a pretty cool shopping area. We stopped into a store to get some hot tea and cookies. Well, mom and Lorelie got theirs but when it was time for me to get mine, they were ready to go and unwilling to wait on me. So, I told the saleslady and she said, "oh, don't worry. I'll come with you." So, we travel down the hallway of the shopping center a ways and I sample a Lime cookie with chocolate chips in it. I order that and a cup of pink grapefruit hot tea (strange what you remember in dreams). I go to take the cookie I have already sampled and liked and the girl stops me. I can't have that cookie because it is now a sample. She cuts off the part that I ate and puts it in a baggie. Then she puts a tag, one that you would find on a new pair of pants, through the cookie. She hands me a fresh cookie and my cup of hot tea and we are on our way.

The second: A group of us are headed to a conference or something. We have to perform there. It's almost like I'm a leader in a choir or something and I also have speaking lines. Well, someone says something funny during the meeting and I make a funny laugh and some noise and get in trouble from another leader. Whatever. Then we head to our rooms. Mine is already trashed before I can blink. Littered with my clothes. I notice then that there is a massive costume party happening at the pool. Where a pool came from, I'm not sure. So, a friend knocks on my door and asks if I'm ready to go. Give me a minute. I frantically start looking for my costume. I find a hula skirt and begin to try and tie it around my belly (it, of course, doesn't fit). I'm also carrying around a stuffed crocodile at this point. I've eaten off one of his arms. It was quite tasty. Anyway, I'm looking for my costume (brown swimsuit and hula skirt, I guess) when I notice that on the bed my mother has laid out a crocodile costume for me! Why a crocodile? When did my mom show up? Oh well! I put it on and it wasn't tight across my belly. It was quite comfortable. Thanks mom!

People tell me that all dreams means something - the people in the dream, the items. I'm not sure I think every dream means something but I can almost guess the last two dreams meant I was hungry.

Sweet dreams!

Random Thoughts

2006-11-20T05:59:00.000-08:00

1. I love those parking spaces that are labeled "For New and Expectant Mothers." I take advantage of them every chance I get. I am also considering writing a letter to establishments that do not have any.
2. A guy at church the other day said I was glowing. I really think it's the new Mineral Essence Powder I'm using!
3. I wonder if I'm behind on the whole planning process for baby. People keep asking me if we've picked a nursery theme or colors. Nope. They look so disappointed when I tell them that.
4. Fiber Capsules are a pregnant girl's best friend.
5. Icy Hot may give the Fiber Capsules a run for their money.
6. And while Icy Hot and Fiber may be a pregnant girl's best friend, Tums and Zantac 75 at least deserve great friend status.
7. I wonder if there's a clothing line that makes clothes for the time in between normal belly and "Woa, you must be due this month!" Choosing what to wear each morning has become an adventure to say the least.
8. Marty is my hero. He now lifts the almost heavy things - like the laundry basket and the box I need from the car. He also now gives me a back rub every night if I ask. I never take advantage. Last night he didn't even complain about having to be the one to administer the Icy Hot (usually there's at least a grunt).
9. I can't believe we find out in two days (this Thursday) if we're having a boy or a girl. Woohoo!
10. At the suggestion of my wonderful sister-in-law I've done some of those quizzes you can take online that tell you if you're having a boy or a girl by using Old Wives Tales. One quiz I took said we're 71% likely to have a boy. Another one said we're 61% likely to have a girl. However, the Chinese Lunar Calendar said we will have a boy. I guess we'll find out soon enough!

In the meantime, stretchy clothing rules!
Joy

Grrr...

2006-11-09T10:58:00.000-08:00

So, I know, I should really let it go and move on. The pointing, patting, name-calling and everything else will only get worse from here on out. Too bad I want to be treated like the girl named Joy. It's too late. All people see is my belly. That's all people talk about, all people look at and all people want to touch.

So, I've decided, unless someone says something seriously rude or steps way past the line, that this will be my last blog complaining about the idiocy of non-pregnant people. No offense to those of you who aren't pregnant - I'm just mad.

Today, a stupid woman walked passed me who knows I'm prego because she's one of the ones who thought she could pat my belly and said....AND SAID, "You're gaining weight Gurl." She said it like it was the cutest thing anyone could ever say to a pregnant woman.

Duh! Like I don't know that! Like I'm not having a hard time every morning figuring out what to wear because my normal clothes are too small and my maternity ones are too big.

Duh! Like I don't know that I'm gaining weight from the protruding belly that is getting harder and harder to hide. Non-pregnant women don't get why I'd want to hide it, I know. They think it's cute but to me, it just looks like fat.

So, to everyone who thinks it's fun to point out the ever so obvious belly (like I didn't know it was there) and to ANYONE who wants to talk about my weight, go jump off a cliff!! Gaining weight when you're pregnant sucks just like it does when you're not pregnant. At least at this point it does. I'm not really expecting that to change all that much.

And so, while there is still plenty of rage within me, I will choose to focus on the good. Next time someone says something to me that is just stupid, I'll just flick them off or better yet, talk about their weight. Ooooh, that sounds like fun!

Doesn't anyone have suggestions on how to handle the ignorance? Please? Something. And don't tell me it will get better or that the life growing within me is worth it - I know that but it doesn't really help right now.

Letting go of the rage,
Joy

Weeks 17 - 20

2006-11-06T13:16:00.000-08:00

So, I'm not quite at 17 weeks but Friday's coming. I was reading a pregnancy site today and found this.

Your Mood
Don't be surprised if you start to experience "pregnancy brain" (aka "fuzzy brain"), which is characterized by the inability to remember simple words and tasks--or why they even matter! The mood swings you had in your first trimester have most likely abated, and you might be feeling excited and energized.

Just so everyone knows that I can at least laugh at myself - "pregnancy brain" has set in.

Yesterday I went to CVS to get some medicine. I paid for it and headed to church. After church, we all headed to my parents' house for lunch. I change and head to the restroom. On my way I ask Marty to go get my medicine out of the car. He goes, comes back and asks me what type of medicine it was. I tell him and then say, "It would've been in a CVS bag."

He says, "There's no CVS bag in there. Did you leave it at church?"

Then it hits me. No, I didn't leave the stupid stuff at church. I NEVER EVEN LEFT THE STORE WITH IT!!!

Welcome to my life.

The things I'm starting to mind...

2006-11-01T05:42:00.000-08:00

So, this Friday I'll be 16 weeks pregnant. It's strange to think that four months have passed already.

What's also strange are the things you never think you'll mind before you're pregnant but ABSOLUTELY MIND once you are pregnant. I think a part of me thought that with pregnancy came an extra dose of grace to give that perhaps makes you more radiant. I missed the extra dose of grace somewhere and I'm definitely not feeling radiant at all. Most of the time I feel like slapping hands and biting people's heads off. Hopefully it's just a stage.

So, while I have to admit that when my other friends were pregnant, I did touch their bellies. However, I ALWAYS ASKED FIRST. There are now several women that I barely know who simply think it's there God-given right to touch what doesn't belong to them - in passing. I'm not even showing all that much yet!!

Then, there are those who have forgotten that I'm a person and simply know me as pregnant and have nothing else to ask me but how I feel. I know. Everyone's trying to be supportive and sympathetic but I feel normal. I'm still just a regular girl!

Perhaps the one that makes me the most livid are those who think it's funny to insist that I'm having twins!! I know the truth. I've seen the sonogram. There's only one heartbeat in there, only one set of arm buds and leg buds, only one egg sac. So, why should it bother me when I know it isn't true? I think it comes down to ignorance. It sends chills down my spine like nails down a chalkboard that people WHO HAVE NEVER EVEN HAD A BABY think they might know better than I do what might come out of my body. Why would anyone want to add extra fear to your already crazy hormones? Why would anyone want to wish on you two babies when you're scared to death that you might not be able to handle just one. It's just plain rude and mean. I also think it comes down to the steps I'm on in my journey never being enough for others. We all get it, right? When you're dating everyone wants to know when you'll get engaged. When you're engaged, everyone wants to know when you'll get married. And then, the day after you get married, people not only want to know but feel like it's their duty to pressure you into having children. Then, when you are going to have a child, that's still not enough! It has to be two! Just let me be for Pete's sake!

Perhaps these days I'm just a little bit more hormonal than usual (go figure) and the only one to receive my rage is poor Marty and you - dear internet.

So, words to the wise for those of you who aren't pregnant. Treat pregnant women like they're normal. If you wouldn't normally ask them how they're doing, just keep on walking. If you're not close enough to pat her stomache when she's not pregnant at least have the decency to ask while she's pregnant. And for God sakes, NEVER EVER tell a woman she's having twins as her first child. If she is, then celebrate with her but if she's not celebrate with her what she is having.

Oh, and one more thing, don't ask her if she should be eating or drinking "that." Don't ask her if she's capable of carrying something. If she can't do it, she won't - it's as simple as that.

Please I ask you! Stop the madness.
From a woman who's about to lose all decorum. Thank you.

2006-10-13T06:08:00.000-07:00

Today just begun and already I can tell it's going to be great. I woke up not tired this morning which hasn't happened in a while. When I went outside to get in my car there was a chill in the air! It actually feels like fall today - my favorite time of year. On my way to work I had a chai tea latte and a pumpkin cream cheese muffin and they tasted like fall. And, on my way in I was listening to Sara Groves. She always reminds me of the fall - her and the Counting Crows.

I tried figuring out why the fall is my favorite time of year. I think I wrote about it last year at this time. For me it has to do with reminiscing and loving what I remember. It makes me feel like going out and buying school supplies - a trapper keeper, cool pens, and a new backpack that matches my high top converse. I want to sit outside and watch the leaves change color.

As I looked for leaves that had changed color on the way in this morning, I thought about the process - why they're changing. All of nature is going into hybernation. Perhaps I should hybernate for a while - pull away, rest, learn from the Creator who has taught his creation what is important. There is a season - turn, turn, turn.

I hope you have a chance to buy some finger paints this season.

Our First Baby Pic!

2006-10-11T11:49:00.000-07:00

Matt said that our baby looks a lot like Ella did at that age. Go figure!

2006-10-10T08:58:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder if other people make as many mistakes as I do. I'm not talking about the mistakes that don't matter like putting too much paprika in the chicken for dinner or forgetting a phone number. I mean mistakes that really make a difference like forgetting to add someone to a list that means whether or not they go on a trip. Pretty important stuff.

I'm learning the value of checking and double checking and copying people on emails. Perhaps someday I'll get it right. In between I'm wondering when the big mistakes will stop. Geez!

Hope your day is working out more mistake-free than mine!

On a whim...

2006-10-06T10:17:00.000-07:00

Got a call yesterday from Kelly who announced that Dave Barnes was doing a concert at the Gwinnett Arena last night. $10 a ticket? Okay, I'll go. So, Marty and I headed out. It's strange to think that there was a time in my life where doing things in the middle of the week was normal now it's a rarity.

So, Dave was amusing. He played a great set for about an hour. The room wasn't packed - not even close - but he was still full of great stories and beautiful songs. I have a favorite that gives me goose bumps every time I hear it. Last night, hearing it live was breath-taking.

Just in case you haven't gotten a Dave Barnes CD yet, I suggest you do so.

Here's a little taste:

They tell me, this song's reserved for angels
Just sing me one a stranger just to prove your love
and you know they tell me
you've given poor men kingdoms
landed guilty freedom
taken on their stains
Your love will never change

They tell me, you dwell with good and evil
Alleys and Cathedrals
Shadows in our lives
and you know they tell me
You hold the world together
Not from guilt but pleasure
You somehow know my name
Your love will never change

So tell me there's nothing that you can't do
Love me though I've hurt you
You take all my blame
Your love will never change
Your love will never change

Have a great dave!
Joy

The Jet Lag Blues

2006-10-02T07:39:00.000-07:00

So, I woke up this morning quite abruptly at 2 a.m. What? Go back to sleep, go back to sleep, go back to sleep. Not happening. I counted backwards from 300. I got to around 150 before I got bored. The thoughts of what lie ahead of me bombarded. Then I realized I was hungry. So, I quietly slid out of bed and dug through my backpack which still hasn't been unpacked (thankfully) and found the snacks I packed for the trip which went untouched. I grabbed a pack of Cheez-Its and hung out in the bathroom for about five minutes munching. I crawled back in bed and began the routine all over again. Ugh! I'm not quite sure when I fell back asleep again but I know I saw 3:30 and possibly something closer to 4. Needless to say, today I'm done. I feel like a zombie sitting here. So, I figured I'd write more about Australia. I promised I would while I was there but time just didn't allow.

Marty and I were asked while we were there what our Highs and Lows were of the conference. So I figured to give everyone a brief overview, I could stick to that. We really received a lot of great teaching. I guess that was the highlight. We got really deep stuff. For example, Danielle spoke one night about Gideon.
Notes:
If we're really going to be the people God called us to be - free and freeing others - something has to shift.
1. True Humility
2. True Dependency
True humility is agreeing with God about who you are. Gideon's been getting his definition about who he is from different places - the world, his family, his occupation.
False humility - the I suck mentality. Who's defining you?
Peace is not the absence of conflict it is the presence of war. (someone famous said that)
We are not fighting out of insecurity. We are fighting for righteousness and justice and because we agree with God about who we are.
True dependency is agreeing with God about who HE is. Gideon creates circumstances where only God can show up (the fleece). We settle for things that we can do. We need to believe God for more and create pockets in our lives where only God can show up.
We have to start coming into agreement about what God says regarding each other.

So, that was a little taste of what we got. That was just one of the speaks. My favorite meeting simply because it was fun was Saturday morning. Steve and Danielle led us in a time of worship called Harp and Bowl. Before the meeting Steve was hopping around like a kid in a candy shop because he was so excited to do it. That morning I felt like crap - cough, tired, nauseous. I didn't know if I could make it through the meeting. Danielle and Steve start to teach about Harp and Bowl - where the reference comes from Scripturally (Revelation). They explained to us that there are angels around the throne of God who hold a harp in one hand and a bowl of incense in the other which is the intercessory prayers of the saints. They said that the angels are worshipping while praying. That's what we were going to do. So, a scripture verse came up on the screen (Ephesians 3:16 - 21) and Danielle prayed a pray for The Salvation Army based on that scripture. The entire time the worship band was playing. After Danielle finished her prayer, one of the guys from the band sang a spontaneous prayer from that scripture for The Salvation Army for 30 seconds. Then Marty went. Then Kath went and then....oh, and then, THE ENTIRE CONGREGATION WENT!!! It was really cool to hear an entire room filled with intercessory prayers for The Salvation Army that were worshipful. I loved it!

So, that's just a little bit more about the conference. If you'd like to see the DVD of the Harp and Bowl experience, just let me know and I'll see what I can do.

Perhaps tomorrow I'll talk about the week after the conference during Marty and I's vacation but the highlight of the trip really was the conference. Does that make me a sad person? Nah.

True peace,
Joy

ACC06:Free

2006-09-21T19:52:00.000-07:00

The theme for ACC06 is Free. The tag line that goes with it was written by an American journalist. "Average people don't want to be free. They just want to be safe." I'm learning a lot about just how average I am. It seems to be the theme I keep coming back to - inaction, resolve to do something but then never really doing it, laziness, excuses. It's quite sad really. When will the day come where dependence on God is really a part of my life and not just something I talk about. So, I have to choose to quit talking and complaining and move - with or without Marty or anyone else. I can't wait any longer for someone to walk beside me although that's what I desperately long for. Do what? I'm not sure. Start a cell group that I'm actually longing to go to instead of one that I just semi-commit to. Perhaps actually meet my neighbors and GET TO KNOW them. I've only lived there for six years - you'd think it was different. As an officer's kid perhaps it wasn't necessary to know my neighbors because I had built in friends at the corps and at school. I'm tired of being friends with just Christians. I'm ready to know non-Christians.

I'm sure that all of you who read my blog are probably tired of reading the same thing over and over again. I'm tired of writing it. I'm incredibly tired of living it. So, here goes. No more. It's time to leave the sub-living behind. I'm ready for full-living, full-trying, full-hoping and full-depending.

Anyway, it's been quite a good conference. I've had to take a mental break today from a few of the sessions. I was just starting to overload. Danielle Strickland, Campbell Roberts, Phil Wall have all been great. Hitting home for me - obviously.

Marty's been leading worship during the day sessions and everyone seems to really enjoy his style of worship. It's nice to see Salvos from another country appreciating what he has to offer.

The other thing I find quite refreshing is the amount of young adults around here who choose to own The Salvation Army as their own. They aren't ashamed of being Salvos. While I know that they must have some complaints or some constructive criticism along the way, it's been nice to be here and not have a diatribe of negative conversations regarding the Army. I'm just enjoying being a part of it this week. The young adults here wear pieces of their uniform with normal clothes. They put their epaluettes on non-uni shirts. I saw a girl last night wearing her uniform shirt with jeans and a cool big black belt and boots. It just looks like it's a part of who they are. I hope that they wear these things to places besides the Army corps. Some girl said to me this morning that I should start the trend in America. I told her that I don't really want to. I'm just not that commited to my uniform. Is that a sad thing? Probably. I'm just not ready to wrestle with that question yet. There are bigger concerns in my Christian walk and my Christian walk as a Salvo that I feel I should actually take apart and examine before the uniform issue. It's just a really cool and refreshing thing to see the uniform become relevant.

So, I'm out of time. Perhaps I'll have more tomorrow or Sunday. We'll see.

It's been worth the 21 hours on a plane and the week's not over.

Australia so far....

2006-09-18T17:56:00.000-07:00

So, Marty and I arrived safely in Australia yesterday morning (Monday) around 9 a.m. which would have been 7 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. I think.

So far, our trip has been quite eventful. Before we left home, Marty's face started to swell up as a result of some dental work he had done last week. He had gotten some anti-inflammatory pills as well as an antibiotic but by the time we got off the plane yesterday, the swelling was worse. Welcome to Australia!

So, we spent our first day going to the dentist. We found out he'll have to have a root canal done when we return home. Yeah! The dentist here did give him more antibiotics and told him he should be okay until then.

I definitely hope so.

Aggressive Christianity Conference starts tomorrow. I'm really excited about what we'll learn. Hopefully I'll get a chance to update everyone throughout.

A Profane Faith

2006-08-16T11:45:00.000-07:00

A co-worker left an article by Doug Giles in my mailbox this morning. It's called "A Profane Faith." She said I may not have written it but she could hear me saying it. Halfway through the article I thought - this is what I believe but I'm not so great at making it a reality. Here's the part I liked best:
"To help you take your Christianity out of the Christian ghetto where the secularists would love you to remain, here's a simple can do: start to see life as a whole. Begin to merge, as J.I. Packer says:
Your Christianity with culture,
Your contemplation with achievement,
Your worship with work,
Your labor with rest,
Your fasting with a Fosters,
Your love of God with love of neighbor and self,
Your personal identity with social identity,
Your wide spectrum of relational responsibilities with each other in a thoroughly conscientious and considered way.
Try that next week, next month and the next few years, and watch your influence spread like butter."

It's nothing new really. My favorite was the line about the Fosters. I think because if you're talking about beer - you're talking about bars. Why not go there?It seems I have segregated myself from non-Christians in an unconscious manner. I want to become a part of people's lives who don't get church, much less, The Salvation Army. Fado Fado, here I come. I think the early slum sisters did that.

What Owen Thinks of Us

2006-07-21T11:28:00.000-07:00

Evidently, a month or so ago, Dawn and Matt were eating at a Mexican restaurant with Owen, their son, my incredible nephew. Well, there was this painting on the wall. Dawn sent it to Marty letting him know that when Owen saw this painting, he thought of Marty and I. I'm not sure what I think about that but it is quite amusing.

What do you think? Appropriate representation of the two of us?

Hmmmm....

I'm an Aunt again!

2006-07-12T07:20:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a miraculous day in the Cunningham family.

ELLA GRACE CUNNINGHAM was born! She weighed 7 pounds 11 ounces and is 20 inches long. She's got big feet and little ears and was a little bit stubborn on the way out. I just heard that part through the door.

I got to watch my brother walk into a new role as father and all that that entails. I watched him care for his adorable wife and cheer his daughter into the world. He's accomplished many things in his life but this has to be the pinnacle! How can you get a title more important than Daddy or Mommy? They are going to be fantastic parents. It's surreal to think she's finally here - the beautiful baby all of us have been waiting on and hoping for.

Here are a few pictures from yesterday. The first few are of us impatiently waiting it out in the delivery room. The last are of Ella and her family! Ella baby, we've been waiting on you a long time. Welcome to the world! We're going to have a great time together.

Jamie Cullum at Chastain Park

2006-07-10T09:42:00.000-07:00

So, for Marty's birthday I bought him tickets to go see Jamie Cullum at Chastain Park. I never knew how absolutely cool the venue at Chastain Park is. Before Jamie ever came on stage, I had already vowed that Marty and I would be back - with a picnic next time! It was absolutely fabulous and even though I had already had dinner - I needed some food just to feel like I was getting everything out of the experience! Those chocolate strawberries were the best I have ever had - no kidding. Thank you Whole Foods.

Jamie's opening act was the Gabe Dixon Band. They are really incredible and you would do well to buy his CD. In fact, I would do well to buy his CD.

Then, Jamie Cullum came on stage and for the rest of the night I could not stop singing or smiling or clapping. He is dynamic on stage. He jumps off of his piano, steps on the keys with his foot yet all the time he's making incredible music. He began with "Ordinary Life" which is one of my favorites and then continued to play every single one of the songs I love. My favorite song that he performed was "These are the days." It was like there was magic in the air. You could feel it! I was mesmerized.

I'm not usually into just summarizing my evenings. I do usually have a point but not today. I just wanted to say that I had a great night last night singing and dancing and laughing to Jamie Cullum's rhythm.

If you haven't bought his CDs yet. Do it! You'll love his music, I know it!

Marty, thank you for a beautiful evening. I love spending my life with you.

My July 4th

2006-07-06T06:20:00.000-07:00

Here's how Marty, my mom and I spent July 4th this year.

To the voice

2006-06-29T05:56:00.000-07:00

Yesterday while at work, my friend told me about this excellent idea she had. She said she made brownies once and before she poured the batter in the pan, she broke up a milky way bar and put it in the bottom of the pan. Then she baked it. She also melted a milky way bar and poured it over the top of the brownies for icing.

By the time I left work yesterday, I needed a brownie. I didn't want a brownie. I needed it. On the drive home, I talked myself into waiting until after dinner. If I was still hungry and if I still wanted a brownie then, I could have one.

So, I ate dinner - and I was still hungry. But then I realized I'd have to put on shoes and that would require walking upstairs....so, I settled for a bowl of cereal.

BUT I WAS STILL HUNGRY! Maybe I just really wanted the brownie after all. So, I put on my shoes, went to Sonic, got my Hot Fudge Cake Sundae (not quite the same but it will work) and then I felt the need for tater tots too - so I order myself a small order. I raced home. Got myself situated on the couch - and chowed down.

Then the guilt came. I didn't need that sundae and I definitely didn't need the tater tots. Why oh why do I do that to myself? Perhaps an occasional splurge is worth it - and needed but if it's needed, why do I feel so bad about myself afterwards.

I have to face the scale today at Weight Watchers - duh duh duh. The horror.

So, to the voice within me that constantly cries out for chocolate - not just during PMS but all year long, I say....

"Shut up while I eat my salad."

Vacation and Graduation

2006-05-17T18:27:00.001-07:00

Marty and I just got back from vacation two weeks ago. I know, I'm behind. Deal with it! We had such an incredible time! We went to his sister's graduation from Med School and then boarded a big boat and headed to Key West and the Bahamas. Woohoo! We ate lots and lots of ice cream. Bethany, Kim and I went kayaking and we all hung out on the BEACH!! People keep commenting on my tan but it will be gone in a minute. All that work for short-lived results.

We came home last Thursday and Marty graduated on Saturday! What a great day! We had a party to celebrate. Low Country Boil, Jake (Jason and Kelly's dog) taking a swim in the goldfish pond, funny t-shirts made by Bethany and an all-around good time.

We loved the Sushi Bar - especially Bethany!

Owen had a fancy trick. That boy could not make that spoon fall off his nose for anything.

It was nice having Kim there. Welcome to the family!

Dawn, Matt and Owen - we never get to spend enough time with them.

Marty was so good at math he took it 3 times!

2006-05-04T20:00:00.000-07:00

There has been a lack of inspiration lately. I'm in a strange place these days and can't get past it to post. I'm not really wanting to or willing to share what I may not have given a second thought to 5 months ago. I can't now. I resort to pictures and fun things I've done just for the sake of posting. I rather like not allowing myself to feel pressured to come up with something brilliant to write about. Let's face it, so many others do that so much better than I do.

When I can figure out the ups and downs again, I'll return to meanderings and thought-provoking posts. In the meantime, I promise to post events and pictures. Both are many times less interesting but that's about all I've got right now. I hope you will enjoy them.

Bethany graduated today. She is now a doctor. All of the Mikles clan plus one Kim Touchton will board a boat on Saturday and cruise to Key West and the Bahamas. Yay! Then, next Saturday, my husband graduates from college. I'm so proud of both of them. I can't wait.

Enjoy your weekend - I know I will.

Global Night Commute

2006-04-25T07:10:00.000-07:00

This Saturday night I'm hoping to be involved in Atlanta's Global Night Commute. What is that you ask? Thousands of men, women and children across the United States are lying down and closing their eyes to join the invisible children in Norther Uganda. By doing so, they will demand that our government put an end to the longest running war in Africa and one of the worst crises in the world today.

All this I stole from the Invisible Children website linked to the title. So often we want to do more and make a difference. Well, on Saturday night, April 29 you can. Find out where the Global Night Commute is happening in your city and take part. We have an opportunity to make the children of Uganda's plight known and heard by our government.

Here's to a sleepless night.

Joy

2006-04-12T08:04:00.000-07:00

Yesterday afternoon Gabriela, Jason, Lucy and I went to the Hamptons at Lennox to spend time with some kids. We go every week. Usually we just play games with them, give them a snack, pray with them and then send them home. Yesterday Jason brought pictures back to them of his trip to China.

Before Jason left we told the kids that he was going because there were people in China selling children and that he needed to find out more so that he could help. (If you want to read the specifics about his trip, try three posts back.) Anyway, we told the kids at the apartment complex the children and women in China were being sold. We thought that answer was valid. The kids seemed to be okay with that.

Yesterday Jason begins to show his pictures. He gets through about 30 of them and gets to one about a boy who is 16 whose mother was sold a few years earlier. That wasn't enough for the children in the room. The questions began. Why are they sold? Do the people kill them? Are they used for work?

How do you tell children who are between the ages of seven and thirteen that there are women and children in the world who are being sold for sex? You don't I suppose. There will come a time when they know more than they need to about sex and can help combat the problem. What's sufficient for now though? How do you express to children the reason why Jason had to go to China? How do you impress upon them the severity of the issue?

I see the children that we spend time with every week and I see their naivety when it comes to such things and I realize that children just like them - their age, their size - are being used for sex. It makes the problem of sexual trafficking that much more real to me. Then I wonder if there is a chance that any of these children, sitting in this room, could be trafficked. My heart breaks because I know it could happen. Traffickers don't just live overseas anymore. They live in my city and they probably live on this street.

I've been wondering how much good we're doing spending time with a dozen children each week. We don't teach them Bible lessons or sing Sunday School choruses. We just pray with them and ask them to keep coming. We may not be able to save them from something so evil. I do know that spending two hours with them each week keeps them away from predators for that short amount of time. Meanwhile they are learning that talking to God isn't hard and that they can trust us. Two things that don't seem to come so easily.

I'm now just wondering what more we can do.

Lord, please give us that kind of wisdom to see justice prevail here.

Girl's Weekend Away

2006-04-04T13:03:00.000-07:00

this past weekend i got to spend time in Savannah with my best friend - Lorelie! we had such an incredible time - eating at the Pink House, staying in the Marshall House, walking around the town until it felt like our feet might fall off, learning about Pulaski and Oglethorpe and how they shaped the town. we ate milky way cake for breakfast!

the souvenirs from the weekend come in the form of art. we bought sketch books on saturday and decided to walk around the town and draw what we saw. here's some of the beautiful works of Joy and Lorelie that i'm sure you will appreciate. beside them are the pictures of the actual scenery.

to chatham artillary!

The Fountain in Johnson Square

The Huge Fountain that Caused Some Drawing Difficulties

And this one is Lorelie with her brand new sketch book. Thanks for a great weekend! You're the best.

Jason in China

2006-03-24T05:52:00.000-08:00

Hi Everyone! My friend Jason is going to China next week. Please read what he's written regarding what the Lord has called him to.

Thanks,
Joy

China - Touch Their Poverty!

I have been asked to be a part of a human trafficking assessment team to
Mainland China. I will be going with a team of Salvation Army leaders to
various project sites within poor communities in China which are at risk
for human trafficking. My role on the team will be to see the situation
through the eyes of a westerner and give my feedback as to how this problem
may best be communicated to the west. My goal for the trip is to "touch
their poverty." Or rather I want to be touched by their poverty! I want to
feel the discomfort of their living to the point of it breaking my heart.

This is something that The Salvation Army has always been called to do.
Last August I was able to read, "Good Morning China!" a book by Lt. Colonel
Check-Hung Yee which tells the history of The Salvation Army in China. In
an epilogue his daughter says, "As you step back in time and experience
God’s transforming work in this generation of brave soldiers, may your
heart also leap and be fanned to flame with the bond of love for China’'s
1.3 billion souls.’ As I read this book that is exactly what happened. I
found myself with a burning desire to go to China and see the Army at work
there.

I plan on coming back to the States with a renewed vision and passion for
God's calling on my life for the world. I will be leaving next Wednesday
and coming back on April 8th. I would love to ask you all to support me and
the team. Please pray for us even now as we prepare to go. On my return it
is my plan to provide a report of the trip on this blog.

One friend wrote to say the Lord had layed the following verse on his heart
regarding this trip:

'You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills
will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap
their hands. Instead of the thorn-bush will grow a pine tree, and instead
of briers, the myrtle will grow. This will be for the Lord's renown, for an
everlasting sign which will not be destroyed.'

Isaiah 55:12

I am raising support to cover the cost of this trip. If you feel that you
would like to help support this trip financially or would just like more
information please contact me at Jason_Pope@uss.salvationarmy.org.

Correction

2006-03-20T11:55:00.000-08:00

Today I stand corrected. I should really consult the Word of God before I decide whether or not something is or is not Biblical. My good friend Anna pointed out to me that the saying "God is not a God of confusion" does indeed come from scripture and is not just some cute little saying that church people throw at us in the middle of a crises. I was wrong. I have been wrong in my life about a lot of things. I just wasn't ready for the simple that day - that's all.

I'm not quite sure I'm even where I was when I wrote last time. I think it was a pretty saying really - to ask God not to calm the storm but to show me his presence in all of it. I was too quick to criticize the disciples though. I always am.

Right about now I'm wishing the Lord would wake up and calm the storm.

In other news however, my beautiful cousin Leslie just had a gorgeous baby girl named Lindsey Nichole yesterday who weighed 4 pounds and 14 oz and was 19 inches long! God is the author of life.

Happy Birthday Lorelie and Beth!

2006-03-15T12:42:00.000-08:00

It's Beth and Lorelie's Birthdays! I wish them both a really great day! Enjoy you two! I love you both!

Joy

God is a god of confusion?

2006-03-09T12:13:00.000-08:00

I've been gone a long time! I didn't know it until I checked the date of my last post and realized that it was almost a month ago.

I don't have anything profound to give today. Marty and I are in the middle of the biggest decision we've ever faced as a married couple and while I know in the end this journey will be rewarding, in the middle it's just downright frustrating and tiring.

Someone, a lovely lady who attends Atlanta Temple, stopped me last Wednesday night after she found out about the decision we're facing and said, "Just remember, God is not a God of confusion. If there's confusion, God's not in it." I have used that line before with people. I believed it as well. Until last Wednesday night when a person offered that advice to me who doesn't really know me or Marty all that well. I walked away thinking - "I don't remember that part of the Bible." I don't remember Jesus saying of his father that he wasn't a God of confusion. What I'm pretty sure of is that the disciples spent a lot of their days in confusion - scratching their heads because they couldn't quite figure this Jesus guy out.

He definitely confused them - and the world around them.

I was left with the thought that the cliche I was handed wasn't really Biblically based at all but just something Christians made up to make themselves feel better instead of really pushing through to the end of the confusion to reveal a deeper relationship with their father. It sucks being in the middle of two choices. It sucks not really knowing what God wants from me specifically in all of this but I know he's teaching me that I need to listen more and pray more. Perhaps God is not a god of confusion but I'm beginning to believe he's in the middle of the confusion helping you know which way is up.

I'm reminded of the disciples in the boat during the storm. They thought they were going to drown. They woke Jesus up and he immediately calmed it but then he questioned their faith.

Is my faith big enough to ride out this storm? I don't want him to calm it if it doesn't bring growth.

Teach me Lord, in the middle of the confusion to hear you clearly and to trust you completely. I will not ask you to make the storm go away - just that you allow me to understand your presence in all of it.

5 Patients Healed

2006-02-14T10:20:00.001-08:00

Marty and I sponsor the Bahay Paraiso Cancer Center through The Salvation Army. Basically this means that every month we donate $20 to this particular center in the Philippines and we help provide medical care, food, clothing and other supplies to the patients who are living at this center and have been diagnosed with cancer.

The cool thing is today, after sponsoring this home for a year, I received a report from the center. The first one! In January the center held a Salvation meeting that had an incredible impact on those in attendance. Patients who have no hope decided to put their hope and trust in the Lord. Others who believed strengthened their walk with Jesus.

The best part of all? Five of the patients from the Cancer Center were sent home because they were healed!!! God is doing incredible things in the Philippines!

Because I send $20/month to the Philippines I get to rejoice with my brothers and sisters in Christ when they are healed! I didn't do anything incredible. I didn't give up anything that I would have needed. Perhaps I miss out on a cup of Starbucks every now and again or a trip to McDonalds or the purchase of a new CD but I've never gone without. Please know I'm not trying to flaunt the fact that I sponsor a child. What I am trying to do is persuade others to join me. Currently there are over 400 names of children on The Salvation Army's list waiting for sponsors. Your money would provide schooling, food, shelter, clothes and medical coverage. There are a ton of other reasons to begin donating your resources to The Salvation Army's Child Sponsorship program - to help broken, needy families, to provide for children, to offer hope, to care for the fatherless, to defeat injustice. The rejoicing alongside them is just an added bonus. To see them gain a future is another added blessing. I hope you seriously consider sponsoring a child - no matter which sponsorship program you choose. Your gift is well worth the effort. Even if you never receive a report that five cancer patients were healed.

It's so worth giving up a White Chocolate Mocha.

To Healing and Sponsorship,
Joy

Quit It or Forget It

2006-02-09T06:17:00.000-08:00

I'm just wondering if we focus too often on what we have to give up or quit instead of on what we can do and have the ability to do. Perhaps that's why Christians so often feel as if their walk with Christ is constantly struggling - because they just can't quit ....or they just can't get .... right.

I wonder how much more lovely our lives would be if we simply focused on our ability - what we have the right to do because God has graced us with the title of His child.

Just an early morning thought as I became frustrated over some reading material.

Blessings!

Sacrifice

2006-02-02T05:45:00.000-08:00

Phil has written on a white board in his office the verse 2 Samuel 24:24: "I will not sacrifice to the Lord my God a sacrifice that costs me nothing." When I first read it I began to ponder what a sacrifice that would cost me something might look like.

This week I've been reading Leviticus. The first eight to ten chapters are God specifying to Moses exactly how the Israelites should offer their sacrifices; where the animals would be slaughtered, who would do the killing, which animals were for which sacrifices. It all seemed incredibly gory to me. I can't imagine being a priest during this time and spending my entire day covered in blood and burning animals. However, there were some things that fascinated me and made me consider my sacrifice.

In Scripture it is read as if every Israelite would just simply offer a sacrifice. It is taken for granted that they would want to do this. I was under the impression that sacrifices were just for atonement but they were also for an offering unto the Lord and for fellowship - to bless him. Maybe I'm showing my ignorance but I never received any teaching otherwise. So, Israelites were not simply required to bring a sacrifice, it was taken for granted that they would want to bring a sacrifice - above and beyond their sacrifice for atonement.

How often do I bring a sacrifice simply because I want to?

Their offerings were costly - the first, the perfect, the unblemished male of a herd. These animals were a part of their livlihood in most cases - if not, I'm sure they cost a pretty penny. They were offering what could've been used to feed a family. That brings it home for me. That's where the sacrifice really makes its understanding. Now I get sacrifice. These people were taking food off of their table, food from their children's mouths to offer it to the Lord.

Have I ever gone without to give to the Lord?

Then I wondered how often I would've been required to offer a sacrifice for my sin. Once a year would I have had to go without food? Once a month? Once a week? Daily?

Needless to say, when considering sacrifice this week I have been overwhelmed with understanding for the need of Jesus in my life and grateful beyond words for the fact that he took upon himself my sin - yearly, monthly, daily, hourly.

I am still left wondering however, what my sacrifice should be. I read somewhere that now our sacrifices our solely spiritual. I don't know that I agree. Does the Father still not ask sometimes for a fellowship sacrifice that shows up in the physical world? I don't have an answer.

Here are a few quotes I read regarding Leviticus that I thought I'd include because I think they're important.

On Leviticus 10
"The glory of God appeared not while the sacrifices were in offering but when the priests prayed, which intimates that the prayers and praises of God's spiritual priests are more pleasing to God than all burnt-offerings and sacrifices."

"God's consummation of the sacrifice signifies God entering into covenant and communion with them."

Any thoughts?

Retreat

2006-01-30T07:26:00.000-08:00

There aren't words to describe how elated a girl can get when she watches her husband do what the Lord gifted him to do. Friday night Marty played at the Georgia ski retreat and he was able to do all of his own songs except for one. The response of the crowd, the presence of the Holy Spirit, the support of friends were all incredibly tangible. I couldn't stop beaming. I may be a little biased but I know he's got talent and I know he's going places. I just wish we knew which places.

Jason did a great job planning the Young Adult retreat. We took a detour from the beaten path and instead of doing normal meetings we had small groups for the entire weekend. Some of the studies were better than others but Sunday mornings left me begging for more. There wasn't enough time to finish the study and I really wanted to get there. I think it was partly because we studied one of my favorite scripture passages; Philippians 2: 1-11. Perhaps it's my favorite because I just can't get it. Anyway, I walked away begging the question - how much does obedience play a part in humility? What would it truly look like to "consider others better than yourselves" with regard to obedience to Christ? I think it's a legitimate question. One I don't want to rush past.

Saturday afternoon we skied. I was pretty impressed with my ability since it had been two years. I fell mostly when standing still or waiting in line. I'm not sure that many others can boast of that trait.

It was great to hang out with everyone - Bethany, Matt, Danielle, Kris, Jeremy, Kelly, Lesley, Jason, Robin.

It was great to hang out with everyone - Bethany, Matt, Danielle, Kris, Jeremy, Kelly, Lesley, Jason, Robin.

Thanks for making this weekend exactly what I needed - exactly that, a retreat.

Chris' Going Away Party

2006-01-26T12:52:00.000-08:00

My friend Chris is moving to Sri Lanka for 3 years. I'm so excited for him but will miss him too. He gets to do some amazing work for the Tsunami victims. While he's there he'll coordinate the construction of 600 homes as well as teach those affected by the storm a new trade. How cool is that?

Good luck Chris! We'll all be praying for you. Here's a pic from the party. I took many more but none of them really turned out as well as this one.

Joy

2006-01-20T13:17:00.000-08:00

"In your unfailing love you will lead the people you have redeemed." Exodus 15:13

Change

2006-01-18T13:20:00.000-08:00

From Donald Miller's "Through Painted Deserts"

I could not have known that everybody, every person, has to leave, has to change like seasons; they have to or they die. The season remind me that I must keep changing, and I want to change because it is God's way. All my life I have been changing. I changed from a baby to a child, from soft toys to play daggers. I changed into a teenager to drive a car, into a worker to spend some money. I will change into a husband to love a woman, into a father to love a child, change houses so we are near water, and again so we are near mountains, and again so we are near friends, keep changing with my wife, getting our love so it dies and gets born again and again, like a garden, fed by four seasons, a cycle of change. Everybody has to change, or they expire. Everybody has to leave, everybody has to leave their home and come back so they can love it again for all new reasons.

I want to keep my soul fertile for the changes, so things keep getting born in me, so things keep dying when it is time for things to die. I want to keep walking away from the person I was a moment ago, because a Mind was made to figure things out, not to read the same page recurrently.

I wondered when I read that page in his book if I was fertile soil for change; if I just simply talk about change and want it but am too afraid to make it happen; or if I'd change but the chance just wasn't offering itself. I was afraid of the former and mad at the latter.

This year seems to be birthing in Marty and I's life new things. Before we were ever married we laid our lives on the line and asked the Lord to do things with us that we could never imagine. Then we kept praying and begging and pleading. It seems that now the Lord is beginning to allow those prayers to come into reality. Just now I'm thankful for the fact that He is showing us how valuable we are to Him.

ROOTS '06

2006-01-17T11:46:00.000-08:00

It's almost eery how well ROOTS went this year - especially in the Illuminate (Teen) Venue. We had about 35 teens at every meeting and the leadership team was incredible. TransMission led Praise and Worship and throughout the weekend the teens had different opportunities to give over parts of their lives to the Lord. One teen accepted Christ and has now given himself the name the New Found Sheep. We were able to welcome him to the family on Sunday morning with cheers and celebration. The greatness of it all was overwhelming. Watching teens choose to forgive - completely and truly some of the people who have hurt them so deeply is almost beyond comprehension. Watching them decide to live "ordinary" lives for Christ through their relationships, through their roles at school and work and home was inspiring. Even I have a hard time making the ordinary part of my life count and yet they were willing to give Him that part too!

Conferences like ROOTS, TYI, Youth Councils sometimes pump teens up for a weekend or a week only to send them home and back to the life they lived before. That's just it though isn't it? Shouldn't they live the life they were living before only as individuals who have been transformed by the Holy Spirit? Russ spoke of how when Jesus sent his disciples out into the world he sent them out as sheep among wolves. That's what our teens are - sheep among wolves. All I pray is that somehow, someway, we equipped them to live holy lives among those wolves.

Ah to be 28

2006-01-09T05:46:00.000-08:00

Yesterday morning I woke up and all of a sudden I was 28. I was remembering on my way home from church my 18th birthday and couldn't believe it has been 10 years! I've been out of High School for 10 years, I've been an adult (whatever that is) for 10 years. This is strange.

I didn't even remember. Marty tapped me on the shoulder and told me "Happy Birthday" yesterday morning and I said, "Oh yeah, today is my birthday."

Marty is such an excellent husband and my family is just as fantastic and all of that is backed up by pretty great friends. Last night I had a surprise party! I knew we were going to dinner at Macaroni Grill but thought it was just my family. I get there and 21 of my friends and family were there to let me know how much they love me. I couldn't believe it! On top of that I couldn't believe that Marty was able to keep it a secret. He usually gives things away.

Sometimes in your life you are overwhelmed and don't have any words to say. That doesn't happen to me all that often but last night was one of those times. It was as if everything important in my life was sitting right in front of me - my mom, my dad, my brother and sister-in-law, Marty and all my friends who live nearby. I just can't get over it.

I'm wondering what this year will bring for me. Some changes are definitely on the horizon and I can't wait. I'm clinging to the fact that I am known by my Father and that He will lead both Marty and I there - wherever that is. I'm looking forward to this stage of life. It only seems to get better and better.

All of you who came last night - your presence in my life is so meaningful. Thank you for showing me how much you care. To those of you who wanted to be there but couldn't because of distance, please know that you were thought of and loved.

I HAVE THE BEST FRIENDS IN THE WORLD!!

Pictures to come.

Thank YOU!

2006-01-04T11:10:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to say here thank you to all of you who prayed and are praying for my father. Thank you all for standing alongside me with your mouths wide open. Thank you for your wisdom and understanding.

He went back to the doctor today and had more tests done. He won't find out the results of those tests until tonight or tomorrow but I'm rejoicing early. The doctor told my dad that he would not have to go through radiation or chemotherapy! I don't know everything that means but I know it's good news and my insides are doing cartwheels!

I know that the Lord answered my prayer and the prayers of so many and I'm so thankful. I know that how he answers our prayers doesn't determine whether or not he's good. God just is good. Today and yesterday and the day before, when everything was so chaotic, the Lord showed me his goodness through friends and family who cared. He's a good God who blesses us with so much - most of all friends like you.

Thank you!

Cancer

2005-12-15T07:25:00.000-08:00

Wednesday November 16.

That morning I was standing at Christine's desk recounting a dream I had the night before - my next door neighbors stalking me by driving around my house in their 1970-something Impala or other such car with their wedding clothes on and Paula looking a lot like Bette Midler as the police called me and asked their names - strange. I didn't get to finish telling Christine my dream because the phone rang.

"Joy Mikles"

"Hey sweetest girl in the whole wide world." (I know - it's really quite cheesy that my mom still calls me this even though I'm 27 but it's familiar)

"Hey my mama" (yes, that's always my response)

Then Dad says hi.

"Hi Daddy" A pause. "Oh no, you're both on the phone with me at the same time, what's wrong? What is it?" (This is the way they've always given us bad news - together - no matter what).

"Joy, I have cancer." My heart stopped beating for a second I think.

That's where it began. Dad proceeded to tell me that he had just found out that morning from the doctor. The doctor did say however that it was 90% curable because they caught it early.

Then mom asked through tears if I was okay. No, I'm not okay. My dad has cancer. I don't know what to do - so I sob. For the rest of the day as I tell people I just keep saying to everyone else that he'll be okay. This is more for me than for them. I can't stop saying it - like I'm trying to convince myself about the last part of the statement, the 90% part, more than the fact that he has to have surgery and they have to do it quick because...well, he has cancer.

On the outside over the next couple of weeks I'm fine. People ask. "I'm fine." What they didn't hear or see were my thoughts about what our family would become if he doesn't make it. It's so early I shouldn't even be there yet but I can't help it. Then, of course, I think about what my spiritual life would become if he wouldn't make it. Then I start bargaining and pleading and praying. For three weeks that's all I can do. Such basic prayers over and over again. I couldn't help it and yet I kept feeling the entire time like somehow my faith should be stronger - my trust in the Creator should be a little bit more solid. I couldn't get there though. My prayers simply just placed me clinging to Him - pleading for a cancer-free dad.

I was reading Psalm 81 that week and got to verse 10, "I am the Lord your God who brought you up out of Egypt. Open wide your mouth and I will fill it." What's that mean? Open wide your mouth and I will fill it? Not quite sure. Then I realized that the Lord was telling the Israelites that if they would trust him, He would meet their needs. He wasn't just saying open your mouth and I'll put food in it - that's essentially what He's promising but He says, "Open WIDE your mouth." "Don't just stand there timid and barely open it and hope that I throw you a crumb from the table. Stretch your jaws, as far as they'll go and I'll fill them." (my paraphrase) Later in the chapter, verse 16 to be exact, he says, "But you would be fed with the finest of wheat; with honey from the rock I would satisfy you."

He wanted me to trust him enough to throw my head back and open my mouth wide enough, trust Him so much, that I could ask him for exactly what I wanted - a dad without cancer. So I did. I pictured it over and over again. Me, head back, open mouth - hoping, waiting, wanting desperately - not just for wheat but the finest wheat and honey from a place where it couldn't come unless he provided it.

I was spiritually poor for three weeks. Still am I suppose. Dad went through surgery fine and came out looking beat up but okay. He said some pretty funny things while coming out of the anestisia - things that would embarrass him if I mentioned them here. However, I went home that night and sobbed like I had just found out the diagnosis. I guess I was just letting out the stress.

Anyway, he had his follow up appointment this past Wednesday. The doctor said it had spread just a little bit outside of the area but they took more than they needed so they probably got it all. I said, "probably?" Anyway, it comes down to the fact that we won't find out for sure until he has another test in January.

I don't really know where all of this puts me. I'm not quite sure my relationship with the Father has grown through this. All I know is that I'm still standing with my head thrown back, mouth open, trusting the Lord to meet my need - maybe.

Is my Dad's health a need? I'm not sure. I've asked myself that question over and over again. I feel like it is. It's the most desperate plea I've ever had in my life. Anyway, I just can't get past this part - the asking part. I'm not sure that's trust when you ask over and over again because maybe God didn't hear you the first time - or the fiftieth but I'm still asking.

Perhaps this is simply what holding your breath feels like.

With hope,
Joy

Making Moments

2005-12-01T06:06:00.000-08:00

This week I've been focusing on Making Moments. The book I use for to guide my devotions asks this week that I prayer that the moments of my life may themselves become prayers. Whether they are in the joy of a birthday party, in the weariness that comes from labor, in the majesty of the setting sun or in the pain that comes with tears. Pray that each in its turn will cause you to lift your voice to him.

Each day we're also given a selection for meditation. Today's was a story. Most of the time they are just profound thoughts someone like A.W. Tozer once said. I love those but today I realized something. God put something in me when I was born that just relates to stories - whether true or fiction. So often I feel a little less intelligent than my friends who don't read fiction because they prefer the intellectual musings of some great mind. This morning I realized that so often I only get the point if it's made through story. So, this morning, I got the point of making moments through this story. If you don't like stories - stop reading. If you do, read on, it's about kites and meeting Jesus with today in your eyes.

Well, I'm disappointed. Who wouldn't be? With socks, a Sunday School shirt, some handkerchiefs, a hand-me-down sweater and a year's subscription to a religious magazine for children. The Little Shepherd. It makes me boil. It really does.

My friend has a better haul. A sack of Satsumas, that's her best present. She is proudest, however, of a white wool shawl knitted by her married sister. But she "says" her favorite gift is the kite I built her. And it "is" very beautiful; though not as beautiful as the one she made me, which is blue and scattered with gold and green Good Conduct stars; moreover, my name is painted on it, "Buddy."

"Buddy, the wind is blowing."

The wind is blowing, and nothing will do till we've run to a pasture below the house where Queenie has scooted to bury her bone (and where, a winter hence, Queenie will be buried, too). There, plunging through the healthy waist-high grass, we unreel our kites, feel them twitching at the string like sky fish as they swim into the wind. Satisfied, sun-warmed, we sparwl in the grass and peel Satsumas and watch our kites cavort. Soon I forget the socks and hand-me-down sweater. I'm as happy as if we'd already won the fifty-thousand-dollar Grand Prize in that coffee-naming contest.

"My, how foolish I am!" my friend cries, suddenly alert, like a woman remembering too late she has biscuits in the oven. "You know what I've always thought?" she asks in a tone of discovery, and not smiling at me but at a point beyond. "I've always thought a body would have to be sick and dying before they saw the Lord. And I imagined that when He came it would be like looking at the Baptist window: pretty as colored glass with the sun pouring through, such a shine you don't know it's getting dark. And it's been a comfort: to think of that shine taking away all the spooky feeling. But I'll wager it never happens. I'll wager at the very end a body realizes the Lord has already shown Himself. That things as they are" -her hand circles in a gesture that gathers clouds and kites and grass and Queenie pawing earth over her bone -"just what they've always been, was seeing Him. As for me, I could leave the world with today in my eyes."
~From A Christmas Memory by Truman Capote

That story taught me about what it means to make moments matter. I want to make moments that matter so much that I could leave today with them in my eyes.

Here's to kites and friends,
Joy