Something Rare

I know! I rarely ever post. Shame. But I'm also aware that I'm allowing a valuable opportunity to do some self-therapy slip by when I don't. ever. post. C'est La Vie....

Gracie's now 7 months. Can you believe it? I can't. I saw a picture of the girl just the other day of when she was brand spankin' new and it made me weepy a bit. I have loved every minute with this girl and with her brother. She's up on all fours now. You can tell she's trying to go somewhere but having a hard time getting her hands and knees to cooperate. I think buying baby gates are in order for this weekend. I know I should already have them. Oh well! She's eating solids now and literally lapping it up. She loves food! She's a bit like her mommy. She's still sleeping through the night - thank you LORD! - and she's more beautiful every single day! She has also kept her beautiful blue eyes which makes me ecstatic. I love her.

Big Boy J - he's the smile in my heart most days. He's so much fun right now. He asks questions constantly (not always that much fun) and he makes up his own songs all the time. I LOVE IT!!! I love sitting in the front seat of the car and hearing him make up a song about the weather, or a gorilla, or the other London Bridge, or about Baby Graaaaaaaace! Speaking of her, he's a fantastic big brother. I thought it would wear off, the love he has for her but it hasn't. He still longs to hold her and kiss her and hug her. He loves having company in the back seat while he's riding. He talks to her all the time. Yesterday, I caught him trying to pick her up and put her back on her mat. Yeah....we're going to have to nip that in the bud. But, he's trying to be so helpful. That title, by the way, he loves. He loves being your Big Helper. So, I capitalize on that one ALL THE FREAKIN' TIME!!! He does, however, have a defiant streak that is only kept in check by the threat of losing a book to read at bedtime. That'll make him move! He's just so much fun right now.

On a side note - his arm is doing great! Next week is his last week of physcial therapy and I'm pretty sure he's going to miss it when it's gone. "Why?" you ask. Check out Marty's recent twitter updates with video feed attached. As my brother commented, "Now I want an injury!"

School started this semester and so far, I'm managing the extra load. It's not always easy but Marty makes it so much more doable. He picks up so much of the extra stuff that I used to do but now can't that I'm overwhelmed by the generosity of it all. He's my biggest cheerleader and I love him that much more because of it. I do tend to keep my head in the books nowadays which can make doing the fun stuff we use to do a bit more rare but it doesn't seem to effect J or G at all.

We're in a good place and I'm going to hold on to it for as long as I can. By the way, today is October 1 and I can't tell you how much in love I am with the Fall. It's time for pumpkin everything - soup, pie, bread, whoopie pies, all of it. I'm trying my darndest to think of a time when we can do a bit of camping this month or maybe early next month but can't seem to come up with a date. I can't WAIT for the leaves to start changing. They're so pretty!

Happy Fall!

The One Armed Bandit Strikes!!

So, for those of you who don't know, Justice broke his arm last week. He was climbing down the ladder of a bunk bed and either jumped or fell and broke his humurus. Broke it so bad that he had to have two pins put in. He rode in an ambulance and had an IV and everything. The morphine made him see weird things and his Mommy and Daddy did not do as well as he did - to be honest. I know accidents happen but it sucks when they happen so close to home.

So, vacation was a bust for us.

When we got home from vacation and this ordeal, we were a little afraid to put him back in daycare so soon after the accident. After a few phone calls to his teachers, they assured us that he would be okay. So, off he went.

This morning, I was taking Gracie to her class. As I was handing her teacher everything that comes with Gracie, she told me that the day before, she was watching the kids play on the playground. While they were out there, a little one fell and to her surprise, Justice was the first one on the scene to help him or her (i don't know if it was a boy or a girl) up - broken arm and all.

When I'm looking for definitions of my kid's names I have no further to look than them. My one-armed bandit showed justice to someone else. I can hear cheering - oh wait, that's me.

What does it look like?

Because Justice and Grace seem like such two polar things, I've been pondering what they look like when they collide or integrate.

I'm wondering what our family would look like if we were a bit more just to one another and a bit more graceful to each other.

I'm probably never going to figure that out but I want to make it a much more intentional part of who I am and what I instill in my kids.

The other day Aunt Laura was talking to Justice about Gracie. He called her a princess! Aunt Laura replied, "Then that makes you a prince." His answer was emphatic and immediate, "No! I'm just Justice." The myriad possibilities for expounding that statement are endless but for now I'm simply going to say that, yes, while I hope my son is always just I hope that is not ALL he is.

Lord, please allow my children to grow up as individuals who embody their names but please also allow them to grow up to be individuals who can give grace AND seek justice.

New Title For Blog

So, I decided that even though I never post anything here anymore, it needed a new look and a new name. But what, pray tell, should the new name be?

I was putzing around one morning in the bathroom thinking about my children, as all moms do when they aren't consumed by their presence, when I thought about how intriguing it is to think literally about joy giving birth to justice and at the same time joy giving birth to grace. I think both are born out of a joy that is deep but perhaps sometimes justice and grace bring forth joy.

So, now I'm constantly thinking about those concepts and trying to figure out how they play out in my life. I think I'll mention it every now and then around here.

Just Four Weeks?!?

I woke up this morning at 4 a.m. I'm sure I woke up because my bladder was screaming at me that it was way past time to take a trip to the lou but it made me mad nonetheless.

After my trip to the restroom, I returned to bed and hoped that sleep would come quickly. Instead what I got were jumbled thoughts of all the things that have yet to be done before Grace's nascent. (I think I used that word correctly. It's one of my GRE words. What do ya think?)

So, here's the list in no particular order. By the way, this freak out is coming at a much later date than it did with Justice. With him, I started worrying at 13 weeks out. How did I make it this far without the crazies?

Anyway, here's my list:

1. AND THIS ONE IS HUGE! Figure out what the plan is for Justice when I go into labor. It's not like I can determine when she's coming which makes it difficult to figure out what to do with him when that happens.
2. Find the things we'll need -
boppy
bottles
nursing cover
pump
bottle warmer (did we have one of those before?)
3. Set up the nursery. We have yet to put the crib back together since Justice was sleeping in it (as a toddler bed) up until last week. We also have to figure out where to put her clothes.
4. CLOTHES! WOW! We have been given and promised so many clothes that I'm a little overwhelmed and oh so incredibly grateful. I do, however, need to go through them to figure out what will work, what might work, what won't work and then wash them and put them away (see number 3).
5. Buy a few things:
Accessories for the cloth diapers
Bows for her hair
Wall Art
Pajamas for me so I can get out of that silly hospital gown sooner
Other nursing necessities that I'm sure no one wants to read about
6. STOP FREAKING OUT!! Everyone keeps telling me it will be okay and I know it will mostly because I don't really have a choice but I still worry that I'll forget something - like my mind!
7. Take Kelly's advice and put a pad of paper and pen beside my bed so that the next time I wake up at 4 a.m. I can make my list, get it out of my head, and go back to sleep!
8. Oh yeah, somewhere in there, I have to take the GRE which also means I've got to study!

I am thoroughly going to enjoy the time between February 25 (the day I take the GRE) and March 12 (due date). I am going to watch as much TV as I want, sit in the silence and soak it up because there will be so much less of that when baby comes, enjoy just being a family of 3 for just a little bit longer. I will miss being just the three of us.

I am, however, thoroughly excited about watching Justice become a big brother to Gracie. He already asks if he'll be able to carry her and hold her and let her sit on his lap while he plays drums! He's going to be fantastic at this big brother thing - I just know it!

So, in case I don't get a chance to update again before Gracie comes, simply know we might not be ready physically but we're definitely ready emotionally.

It's a Girl!

So, we found out last week that we're definitely having a girl. Around 12 weeks the specialist told us that she thought it was a girl but they confirmed it at our appointment last week. When I was pregnant with Justice I initially wanted a girl partly because I'm a girl. I understand girls. I think they're clothes are better - you know, all that stuff. Then, when we found out we were having a boy I was a little freaked out, to say the least. I mean, there were boy parts in there. Inside my body!

Now, however, I'm a little freaked out about a girl. I know little boys now. I adore my own. He hung the moon where I'm concerned. I'm thankful that this time we don't have to worry about circumcision but other than that, I'm still a little freaked out.

I bring enough drama into our household for one family. I have enough estrogen to last for decades. I'm not sure what to do with a little girl. There will be princesses and bows and lace and frills. Will I be able to do her hair and get her tights on the right way? I mean, we don't even have to brush Justice's hair in the mornings.

On top of that, I'm worried about naming her. I desperately want to start calling her by her name but just what that is eludes us currently. We have a list and it keeps growing - not shrinking. That's the problem. And I'm not sure that Marty and I are going to come close to finding one that we're both happy with anytime soon. So, we continue to look and google and search.

I'm glad to be in the second trimester. For the most part things are going splendidly. I am tired all the stinking time but that will get worse. I have nothing to complain about now considering the fact that I remember what sleep deprivation in its fullest was like. That type of tired only comes with a newborn. Other than that, I'm doing alright. The heartburn that I had with Justice doesn't exist this time - hallelujah! This time around we're not trying to quickly finish a house renovation. We're learning how to do the discipline thing (as hard as it is) so next time around it should be at least a little bit easier. And, to top things off, the sickness is gone. Food is my friend right now which could be my downfall.

I keep telling myself to make good choices where my food is concerned but those carbs keep calling my name. I CANNOT DENY THEM!!! Pasta and bread for lunch sounds absolutely soothing to my soul. Muffins, yes please. Bagels, of course. Chips, you bet ya. Sandwiches, duh. I get a fruit or vegetable in there every once in a while but for the most part, I'm loving all those fatty foods. Just can't stop myself.

We go back next week to the regular doctor and then at week 20 we'll head back to the specialist for more ultrasound pics. Perhaps after that visit, I'll be able to post a few.

Until then, bring on the bread!

13 weeks and counting

So, today marks 13 weeks. There's a collective sigh of relief hanging in the air around our house. It's like it's okay now to finally say we're pregnant (even though we were doing that before). It's like we know now that this baby is going to hang around for the whole thing and we'll get to hold her or him (although we're hoping for a her) in just a few more months. What in the world?!?

I keep thinking through how this one is different. The first and BEST part of this one is that the heartburn that kept me up all hours of the day and night, made me drink the coldest liquids I could get my hands on, made me stay away from some of my favorite foods (peanut butter, need I say more), is non-existent this time. Hallelujah! The second is and next BEST part is that I am not afraid this time around. I was terrified with Justice. I couldn't talk about labor and delivery without breaking out into cold sweats. The third best part is that now that I'm not a first time mom, other moms horror stories don't seem to seek me out like I'm the last healthy cell in a plague ridden body.

There were and are obviously some down sides to this pregnancy. The first was all the scares we went through. I cried often and much thinking I had miscarried - AGAIN!! I lived like I was a porcelain doll for several weeks, wishing I could simply take a walk around the block or clean my house. At the same time I revelled in the fact that I got to take a nap every day and wear sweat pants and t-shirts every day. There has been more nausia this time around than last time but that seems to be subsiding and now, all that's left to do is grow a baby.

I was asked last night if there will be more after this. H*** NO!! Should've been my response. I can't go through the torture thinking I might lose another one. I don't like being uncomfortable all the time. Being pregnant may have its benefits but, trust me, I'm not signing up for me. I understand accidents happen but we'll do our best to keep them at bay. If there are more Mikles children to be had, they will come by way of China or the Phillippines thank you very much!

I took a stroll around Babies R Us the other day. I just wanted to see if there was anything I might, you know, NEED this time around. Oh man - are there! I caught myself, however, walking around with a goofy grin. I can relax now and dream. It's all going to be alright! That is the most fantastic feeling in the entire world, well, almost. he he

So, anyway, I just wanted to start blogging my journey. My sense of smell is definitely on high alert. My office shares a wall with the women's bathroom and yep, I can tell when someone's gone in there to...you know. I can smell Lilly's breath from miles away and Marty's farts almost make me throw up. It's a side effect I'm not enjoying.

Today, however, I am giddy. I think this is the first day in a long time that I have felt like myself instead of possessed by some sort of strange alien creature that is making me feel all sorts of crazy, strange things and desire things like dill pickles on lays potato chips. I am living it up today.

I can't imagine my life with two children who call me mommy but I bet it's a fantastic adventure full of crying and laughing and lots of memory making. I can't wait for all of those opportunities.

So, now, I'm off to purchase some fried pickles.