It all started last Thursday at 2 am. It happened again at 6 am. Then again on Friday around 1:30 and that lasted all through the evening until 9:30 or 10. Again on Monday morning around 6:30, Tuesday at noon and yesterday at 3. Migraines. As of yesterday, 5 out of the last 7 days were filled with migraines. Why? I don't know. I'm guessing it's mold or mildew - effects from wonderful Tropical Storm Ivan. I think perhaps it's taking over my home. So now, not only is all of my furniture displaced and the concrete floor laid bare, I'm getting sick. Perhaps it's not mildew but it's the only justified reason I can think of.

Then Tuesday of this week, the smell started again - mildew, wet carpet but this time it wasn't at home - it was in my office! I can't get away from it. Moved furniture at home so that you can barely navigate your way and you definitely can't sit on a couch or make yourself at "home." Now there's moved furniture at work to make room for the massive fan they brought in (wish I had one of those at home instead of my dinky box fans). Everything's out of order. Everything's moved. There's the constant hum of a fan everywhere I go and the faint smell of wet carpet. Everything's unorganized. There is no regularity to my life.

I keep telling myself it's not that bad - that we'll get through it but part of me really just wants to give up and move. The task of taking care of everything that needs to be taken care of seems so overwhelming.

I called my mom yesterday and of course I cried. I didn't mean to. I didn't want to. I knew it would upset her and that's not what I wanted but I was at the beginning of my fifth migraine in seven days and I was scared. She called a friend and that friend came to the rescue. Marty and I stayed over at her house last night just to see if, in fact, it really is something in the house causing me to be sick. I've now gotten a fresh perspective and renewed hopes. The day hasn't passed yet and I guess I'm not out of the clear but my hope has been restored - my spirits have been lifted.

All it took was a good friend whose love knows no end. Thank you Jo Jo and Jill for letting Marty and I in. We love you.

By the way, I'm sure the Lord is trying to teach me something through this. Usually when something goes wrong in my life He's got a better thing waiting for me anyway. We'll see how this one pans out but I'm trying really hard to trust in him and do what's right according to Him. Lord, please see us through this place. Please. I know you will. Thank you.
I love you. Amen.

"The love of Christ constraineth us." 2 Corinthians 5:14

How much do you owe the Lord? Has He ever done anything for you? Has He forgiven your sins? Has He covered you with a robe of righteousness? Has He set they feet upon a rock? Has He established your comings and goings? Has He prepared heaven for you? Has He prepared you for heaven? Has He written your name in His book of life? Has He given you countless blessings?Has He laid up for you a store of mercies, which eye has not seen nor ear heard? Then do something for Jesus worthy of His love. Do not give a mere wordy offering to a dying Redeemer. How will you feel when your Master comes, if you have to confess that you did nothing for Him, but kept your love shut up, like a stagnant pool, neither flowing forth to His poor or to His work. Out on such love as that! What do men think of a love which never shows itself in action? Why, they say, "Open rebuke is better than secret love." Who will accept a love so weak that it does not move you to a single deed of self-denial, of generosity, of heroism, or zeal! Think how He has loved you, and given Himself for you! Do you know the power of that love? Then let it be like a rushing mighty wind to your soul to sweep out the clouds of your worldliness, and clear away the mists of sin. "For Christ's sake" be this the tongue of fire that shall sit upon you: "For Christ's sake" be this the divine rapture, the heavenly reason to bear you aloft from earth, the divine spirit that shall make you bold as lions and swift as eagles in your Lord's service. Love should give wings to the feet of service, and strength to the arms of labor. Fixed on God with a constancy that is not to be shaken, resolute to honor Him with a determination that is not to be turned aside, and pressing on with an ardor never to be wearied, let us manifest the constraints of love to Jesus. May the divine work draw us heavenward towards itself.

Take from Morning by Morning by Charles Spurgeon

Amen! That's what I've been on about! Let's be so ravished by His love that we cannot help but be moved to compassion. Come on Church! Let's be what we're supposed to be!

She walked him down the aisle at church yesterday. Her son - that is. He has multiple-sclerosis and it is progressing quite rapidly. They clung to each other in the only way mother and son can and both were in tears. Their aim was the altar.

She has been praying for her son's Salvation for years. Her close friends have probably been praying for him for just as long. I have only been praying for him for about a year and a half and yet the rejoicing in my soul was abundant.

That's what being a part of the kingdom is about! Seeing a prodigal son return to the Father! Watching a praying mother rejoice with her son. Watching an entire church (many of whom I did not know, many I did) surround a family as witnesses and ambassadors of God on their behalf. I have no doubt that all of the people surrounding my friends yesterday morning have at least lifted up one prayer on their behalf in the past - many on a weekly or monthly basis, many on a daily basis.

As they walked toward the altar I remembered conversations I had with her about the verse she was given upon her son's dedication, "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Yesterday, her mother's heart reaped the benefits of clinging to that verse for her son.

I don't know how strongly my friend rejoiced in God's presence yesterday, I can only imagine. But I know this, the only words I could utter were "Thank you Lord!" "Thank you Lord for showing yourself faithful. We never doubted you but we are thankful for showing your goodness to us.

He is faithful! Amen!

1 Peter 1:13 "Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed."

I've been repeating that verse to myself since the middle of the summer when I found it. It's one of those verses that when you read it, the message just smacks you right between the eyes. It has been my motivation since that beautiful day (I was in TX with the Service Corps when I found it and while hot, it was great!)

Why? Because my job requires someone who is forward thinking and motivated and it has suffered for the past four years under me. I have given excuses as to why nothing is happening in my department but they all, of course, fall empty. The truth is, I was scared and I paralyzed myself with that fear. I believed this job too big for me, this territory too large for one person to handle. I couldn't imagine how just little me could possibly make a difference in the lives of young adults across the territory when I lived so far away and could only offer ideas. Sounds pretty reasonable huh? Well, what it boils down to is that I wasn't using the talents God gave me. For years those talents were wasted, as I sat in my office daily complaining that I didn't have anything to do.

Then last Christmas, I was hit smack in the face with my own faults and, let me tell you, they are not an easy thing to stare in the face and accept as your own. It was then that I realized that something had to change. I was still scared, still wanted to crawl into a hole, bury my talents and just give up because I didn't think I could do it but Marty and I's physical circumstances demanded otherwise. So, what did I do, you ask?

I quit grasping for straws and I worked on a plan. How good I have been at making that plan come to fruition, I don't know - but I keep trying and that's a start.

Then, I went to the Thirsty conference - that was another piece of the puzzle that God was putting together in my life. I was sitting in one of the meetings when one of my favorite speakers, Louie Giglio reminded everyone listening of the "otherness" of God. He's not like us, he doesn't work like us. He's bigger than we are and (here's the thing I learned) He's bigger than our circumstances. What the Lord taught me that night was that because of my fear, I hadn't been trusting in Him. I didn't trust how big He is and how He is bigger than my circumstances and He is definitely bigger than this territory. He can handle meeting the needs of young adults throughout this territory and He can use me. He just wants me to step into the mystery that is Him and allow Him to work.

So, I've been trying that - stepping in to His mystery and relying on His biggness. That's been pretty cool but I still needed a little help. While I was a little more motivated to do His work, I still didn't necessarily have a handle on the whole - work thing. Weird I know. I didn't like it. I didn't like having to get up every morning and coming to the same place. I didn't like sitting behind a desk. I didn't like staring at a computer and making copies. What I didn't like even more was that, while I was busy at the time preparing for ROOTS and Service Corps Orientation, I still knew that the Fall was coming. The fall is my down time. It's the time in the past when I spend three months basically doing nothing - waiting for January to come around and for Service Corps to start again.

Then I found 1 Peter 1:13. I found my motivation. I don't know why it took me four years to want to work but it did. That's sad, don't let it happen to you. But now? Now, I'm prepared for action. I want to be a part of it and I can do something in my small little office and it will matter.

1 Peter 1:12 - 16 in the Message reads, "So roll up your sleeves, put your mind in gear, be totally ready to receive the gift that's coming when Jesus arrives. Don't lazily slip back into those old grooves of evil, doing just what you feel like doing. You didn't know any better then; you do now. As obedient children, let yourselves be pulled into a way of life shaped by God's life, a life energetic and blazing with holiness. God said, "I am holy; you be holy."

I was lazy for a while and untrusting. I lacked energy and motivation. I wasn't being obedient to God. I was dying inside and everyone who was close to me or worked with me could see it. Now, it's like life has been poured into my very being. The Lord had done something absolutely incredible in me and I LOVE IT!! So, if you ever hear me say the words, "Be prepared for action" don't mind me. It's just my slogan and now you know why.

Giving Up

What is it in my life that's not worth giving up for God?

Today I spent a little time reading Catherine Booth's "Paper's on Aggressive Christianity"(which you can find at the link provided). She wrote, "Oh friends! will you get this baptism of love! Then you will, like the Apostles, be willing to push your limbs into a basket, and so be let down by the wall, if need be, or suffer shipwreck, hunger, peril, nakedness, fire, sword, or even go to the block itself, if thereby you extend His Kingdom and win souls for whom He shed His blood. The Lord fill us with this love and baptise us with this fire, and then the Gospel will arise and become glorious in the earth, and men will believe in us, and in it. They will feel its power, and they will go down under it by the thousands, and, by the grace of God, they SHALL!"

The Lord has been filling me with this love and baptising me with this fire. That's all there is to it. I'm not boasting - I'm rejoicing. The Lord is stripping away from me all that is unnecessary. Showing me all that I need to give up and am slowly gathering around His conclusions as well. Catherine talked about suffering shipwreck, hunger, peril, nakedness, fire, sword or death and I can't get past going into a country where I would have to suffer a hold in the ground instead of a toilet, dirt floors instead of carpet, rice at every meal, or the threat of terrorism and uncomfortable conditions. How shallow I am! How weak my faith! How small my discipleship. Western Christians talk about being willing to give up their lives for Christ and yet we can't even give up our cable! We want to be better than we are. We want to be more sincere and yet we give in to the lies we're fed - what we need, what we should look like, how we should talk and act.

I want to give it up - all of it. I'm yearning for it. Captain Stephen Court wrote a couple of days ago in his blog about not waiting - not waiting until you're 54 to start something, not waiting until everything seems to fall into place - not waiting. Well, what am I waiting for? I don't know but I know I'm sick of waiting. I'm ready. I want to go. I feel like the Psalmist in Psalm 32 who talks about the Lord's hand being heavy upon him. That's me! I WANT TO GO!

I think the Lord is just teaching me that He won't allow me to go if I give him limitations. If I keep telling Him where I do and don't want to go. So, I'm working on giving up - giving up my home, my plans to fit missionary service in between work and family, my desire to have comforts and clean hands (I am a little OCD about germs). It might take weeks, months, years but it will happen. I'll go. I know that much for sure. Where? Not so sure. For how long? Only God knows. But I do know I'll go. I want that kind of love - the kind of love that makes me ravished and pushes me on and makes me feel like it's never enough. That's the kind of service my God deserves. After all - He loved me that much.

Ready for the revolution,
Joy

September Already?

It's so hard for me to believe that it's September - fall, school, leaves, camping trips, long-sleeve shirts, LABOR DAY SALES!!! Where did the summer go? I could recount to anyone who asked what I did with my summer but they probably wouldn't want the details. All I know is it's good to be home for at least a good solid week. I'm even more excited about the fact that I'm now looking at being home for an entire month! That's extremely uncommon in our house. I'm excited about buying groceries for a time period of more than four days and I'm not quite sure I remember how to do that. I'm excited about the fact that we don't have to find someone to watch our poor dog who I think might have forgotten our faces every once in a while during this summer.

But at the same time I'm a little sad. Sad because it's all over. Sad because the experiences I had this summer were remarkable and life-changing. However, I must say, I'm not afraid this time that what I learned and what I thought was life-changing will fade away in a month or two. I feel like I am completely new and embarking on ideas, dreams and hopes I never thought myself capable of. I'm now pretty sure that while I can't solve all of the worlds problems, I can at least be a part of the solution. I'm no longer overwhelmed by the desperate situation that lurks just beyond America's borders. I now know that even just giving up going out for one meal could give a child in another country food for a week.

We're going to adopt children - not ones that live in our house just yet but children none the less. Children who will now have food and shelter, clothing and an education because we send our money. So what you say? So you learned all this stuff and all you got out of it was, "Sponsor A Child." No, that's not all I got out of it. I got that I've got a whole lot more than 75% of the world and that I should be giving at least some of what I've got to them. I got that I can do more and that sponsoring a child is a good place to start but I don't want it to be the end. I got that being a Christian is more than just holiness - it's about social justice and ACTION!!

I've got all these hopes now. I want to rescue the poor who cry for help and the fatherless who have no one to assist them. I want to help the widow. I want to put on righteousness as my clothing and justice as my robe and my turban. I want to be eyes for the blind and feet for the lame. I want to be a mother to the needy (hence the child sponsorship and maybe someday a real adoption). I want to take up the case of the stranger. And by doing these things, I BREAK THE FANGS OF THE WICKED AND SNATCH THE VICTIMS FROM THEIR TEETH. (that's Job 29:12 - 17 by the way).

I've always thought, "I should sponsor a child" before. "I should give money to the poor." Have I ever followed through with those thoughts? No. They were just that, things I should do - but not today. Now, it's passion, it's desire, it's a need not just something I "should do because it would make me feel better about myself." It's reality that is somehow now meets me at my front door and keeps me pressing on for more information. It's not just something I should do - it's something I HAVE TO DO or else. Or else what? Or else they'll still be hungry with no one to feed them. That's what else.

Wesley Campbell and Stephen Court write in their book Be A Hero, "The face of the earth changes when the hearts of its people are transformed." Well, I can say now that I am truly transformed and still being transformed. I have been a Christian for about 12 years but I feel like I'm just now feeling God's heart beat and allowing him to break my heart for the things that break his heart - that's transformation.

I also have tangible hopes now - to start a children's home, to free slaves of child prostitution and bondage, to be a part of their lives and show them Jesus.

So I guess the fact that this summer is over isn't really all that sad. No, not at all. I wake up every morning now with this incredible feeling of purpose and reason. I long to be close to Jesus now. He is my all and I will do what He wants which is to feed His sheep. Thank you Lord for the transformation.

So, what are you waiting for? Are you ready to change the face of the world? Then do it. It doesn't take much - just giving up a dinner out a week or depriving yourself of a CD or two each month. Do you really need it? Like they need food? They're calling out to you for help - I hope you answer.

Ready for a revolution,
Joy