Musings

I had a dream last week that was quite scary but in the retelling of it, it sounds quite ridiculous and juvenile. Basically, I was kidnapped and made to play in a game that would cost my life as well as the life of my husband and son unless I won the game. I suppose that doesn't sound juvenile or ridiculous after all. The other players would win my car if they came out on top. I know, a little twisted and crazy but the truth nonetheless. I was entered into the game because it was my car - no more, no less. At the end of the dream though (as happens in dreamland) I realized that I was part of a terrorist attack because I believe in Jesus and that my prayers would be answered whether I lived or died. The dream didn't finish. I woke up before my end came or that of my husband or son.

Here's what woke me up. I realized near the end of the dream that this would never be me. I don't live a life that's so different from everyone else that I could be targeted in anti-Christian terrorism. Maybe as an American or as a woman but probably not as one who believes in Jesus.

Please understand, I don't want to be a target for terrorism. I don't want to be a target period but part of me believes that I should. I should want to live a life so different from culture, so counter cultural that I would be a target. That I would have to "carry my cross and follow" Jesus to my death.

Such morbid musings. I know. I guess I enter into places such as this intermittently throughout the year because like so many other people my age, I don't want to live a mediocre life. I don't think I do on most days but then there are days when I realize that I have not yet reached my full potential and I become saddened. What would my life look like if I did? Where would I live? What would I do? Who would I hang out with? Where would I go to church? Would I recycle? Would I make all my own clothes? Would I only buy fair trade?

Sure. I do my part but I know there's more.

What would you do if you could do anything?

Me? I think I'd live overseas to help fight hunger, homelessness and poverty. Big dreams huh?

So, go on, tell me what you'd do. Don't comment on my hopes. What are yours?

The Holidays Are Here!

I don't know if you've caught onto this yet but I'm a pretty optimistic and upbeat person. I've got a pretty great life with great parents a great husband and a great kid. I look forward to life and most of its details. With that said, I'm betting you could probably guess that I'm one of those people who loves holidays, every single one of them - Memorial Day, Valentine's Day, my birthday, my anniversary, July 4th, Labor Day, Halloween, but I especially LOVE Thanksgiving and Christmas. They sort of belong together for me and can't really be separated.

I start thinking about my Christmas wish list in July - I'm not kidding. It changes quite a bit throughout the months and weeks leading up to Christmas but it starts then. That sounds really selfish but it's a science and I have to get the list just right. I need to have enough little gifts that I desire to even out the big one or two. I don't want to seem too greedy. I've tried doing that whole Advent Conspiracy thing where you don't buy gifts for anyone but sponsor a child or buy a goat for a children's home in some far away place but it never quite works. I really thought Marty and I would succeed this year. We got 2 angels from The Salvation Army's Angel Tree program and were going to buy them presents instead of buying stuff for each other. Then, over Thanksgiving, he buys me a gift. I don't know what but he broke the deal. So, now I've got to figure out what to get him and he's a hard one to buy for.

Over Thanksgiving I bought a gingerbread house for Ella (my one and only niece) and Justice to decorate. We had a blast putting that thing together. About halfway through though, they start to eat the decorations. It wasn't the best looking gingerbread house I've ever seen but so much fun that I hope it sticks as a tradition.

This week at work we've been having Secret Santa. Kelly figured out early I was her Secret Santa but that's okay. She was easy to buy for and I always appreciate that.

Justice has loved looking at all the Christmas trees everywhere. He actually likes pulling the ornaments off the trees because he thinks they're balls. Should be fun once we get a tree up in the house.

I think I should also mention that we've been watching Elmo's Countdown to Christmas since November 1. I couldn't help myself. I was desperate for a new Elmo video and this one is by far the best of the four we have. So, I now know it by heart.

This is all over the place but I knew I could simply blab and that would be okay. I'm just so full this season that I needed a place to put the excess.

I hope your holidays are as enjoyable as mine.
Peace to you,
Joy

In lieu of something profound...

I've wanted to write something for a while now just to get the depressing stuff off of the top of my blog but after thinking and thinking....I've got nothing.

So, here you go.

Breakdowns and Break-ins

Two Fridays ago I realized that October is one of those months where we get 3 paychecks. There was a small amount of rejoicing happening in our house. We could finally take Lilly to the vet and get her teeth cleaned. I know, yes, we really did feel pretty happy about that.

The next day, the Service Engine Soon light comes on in the Pathfinder. I'm thinking the repair will be covered by the Warranty we purchased. Nope. Not only did they want to fix the part that caused the light to come on, they wanted to flush this and that and replace this and that. "How much," we asked. The response was astronomical. "Ummm....just fix the thing that's broken, thanks." We still walked away paying $600.

Lilly had her teeth cleaned and a mass removed yesterday. I put $500 towards that $800 bill. So much for rejoicing. Dumb car.

Last night, a lady needed a little help with some gas. So, I helped. Nothing big, not worth a pat or anything. We were repaid last night by someone breaking in to both the Pathfinder and the Mikles' mini-van and stealing Bernie's video camera and both Marty and I's iPods.

That 3rd paycheck - it's already spent. GGGGRRRRRR.....

I'm not sulking or anything.

Yippee!!

So, I blogged a while ago that Justice FINALLY says Mama but I was a little premature with that post. Sure, he would say Mama but only when upset. I was a little uncertain as to whether or not that was just his whine, "mamamamamamamama" or if he was calling me to save him.

Last night, however, we had a breakthrough! I don't know what happened but for the past weekend and into this week we've been really pushing my name with him. At my parent's house in Charlotte we went around the table. "Who's that Justice?" "Nonnie." "Who's that?" "Boppa." "Who's that?" "Da da." and "Who's that?"

crickets

So, at that point Marty started drilling him. "Who's that Justice," Marty would ask while he pointed at me. "DA DA," Justice would cheer. Last night something clicked and Marty asked again and the response was different. "Ma ma!" Again this morning we asked about 4 times and each time the answer was correct. I can't tell you how my mommy heart swelled. He's such a good boy but for a while there I thought he might think I was just an extension of himself or his daddy. Now I am my own person in his eyes!! Yippee!!

We'll see if this success continues or if I get relegated once again to being called Da Da.

The End of an Era

Turns out that RENT on Broadway ran it's last show on September 7 of this year. After 12 years on Broadway, it's gone and the Nederlander theater is actually being renovated or has been renovated to become home to Guys and Dolls. Yesterday, Marty was cruising the internet and found a site called The Hot Ticket which evidently shows Broadway musicals in theaters. That's how I found out all of this information. So, last night, we went and saw RENT at the Regal 24.

When we arrived we found out tickets were $20 dollars each instead of the regular price of $10. We hemmed and hawed. Did we really want to spend $40 on a show we had already seen twice and of which we also own the movie edition? Turns out we did.

First, the stage production is just so much better than the movie edition. These are the original songs and you really get the feel for the thing from the stage. This is the RENT with which I fell in love.

Second, the Broadway cast was just spectacular. Obviously because whoever was filming one of their last shows was able to get up close and personal with the cast. They were extra sentimental as anyone who has ever been in a show that becomes a part of you would know. A cast becomes like a family and saying goodbye to a show is like saying goodbye to family. There were tears from some of the actresses which were visible on-screen. Thus, there were tears for me.

Rent saw me through some times in my life. There are memories of when I was in the show Godspell and my cast members introduced me to this wonderful thing. We would stand around the piano during our breaks and sing some of the songs. We would use the songs as our sound checks on stage.

When Marty and I first started this thing called us, back when I simply put up with him, I can remember driving in a car with him from camp back to Atlanta. I started at the beginning of the musical just to see how far I could get before I didn't know the next line. I made it pretty far.

I was devastated when I found out he didn't really like the musical after seeing it the first time. WHAT?!? How could anyone not love this beautiful thing? The movie version made him a fan. Whatever.

Anyway, when I found out yesterday that RENT had closed its doors I was saddened. The lyrics from the songs seem to get stuck in your heart and your head and really begin to take on a life of their own. When we went to NY before Justice was born, 2 Christmases ago, we got to see it on Broadway. That was the realization of a dream, a goal. I'm upset that the next time I go, there will be no RENT signs or tickets on sale, no show for which to stand in line for the lottery. (well, there are other shows that do the lottery now but it's not the same).

I feel like a part of me has to say goodbye to a dear friend.

There's only us
There's only this
Forget regrets
Or life is yours to miss
No other path
No other way
No day but today

What a waste of a weekend

So, this weekend was all about getting our little, lovely house ready for an open house. I didn't think it would take much but to be quite honest it took a little more than I thought. We cleaned toilets and countertops and floors. We mowed the grass (well, Marty did that) and Dad Mikles, bless his generous, loving heart, bought and spread mulch into the flowerbeds to make the outside more attractive. WE EVEN PULLED THE GRASS AND WEEDS OUT OF THE CRACKS IN THE DRIVEWAY!!! I mean, she was gorgeous before but after Saturday she was hot to trot.

Sunday was the open house from 2 to 5 p.m. We showed up right at 2. Marty put out the signs. I baked brownies. No, they weren't from scratch but they were the Tollhouse kind that have a layer of lovely peanut butter in the middle. All of this for all of the passersby who wanted to take a tour.

2:30 - no visitors yet
3:00 - no visitors still
3:30 - more of the same (at this point I had to take a walk to talk myself down from the ledge)
4:00 - nope, not yet
4:30 - just 30 minutes left, please someone just come look!
5:00 - not one single soul

The worst part of all of it was that I gave up quality time with Justice to do all of this and it was for nothing. I have irrational fears now that my house will never sell and that I will have to be one of those people who lives with her in-laws (which isn't a bad thing, really it's not, in fact, I've gotten to do a lot of fun stuff because we live with them that I couldn't have done if we didn't - like learn tennis, but it's still not MY house if you get what I mean) for the rest of her life.

So, dear internet, I'd like to sell my house. I'm not picky who buys it. I don't even care what they to do her once I'm gone. I just want to start planning my future and I can't because here I sit waiting on a home to sell in a horrible ecomony!

Yay!

P.S. If you'd like to take a look at it, just click on the title of the post. It's linked to the mls page.

A Public Apology

There are times in your life when you're embarrassed to admit something. This is one of those times.

I have caved. I have fallen victim to one of those mailings. Oh, you know what I'm talking about. It's one of those mail a copy of this letter to 100 people and then mail a dishtowel, book, recipe, apron, glove, rocketship to the person whose name is listed on the back of this letter so that everyone who used to think you were cool and with it will now despise you for the rest of eternity mailings. Usually I say to my family, "I WILL NOT participate" and they huff and say okay. I thought that by now they would stop including me in such mailings but as it turns out, I received one from an aunt last week. This time around I feel pressure. I have said no and been rude so many times that I can't do it again. So, I am now facing public ridicule and criticism because I am forcing my plight onto others.

I wanted to say now, before you receive your letter, that I am sorry and you don't have to do it. Honest, no pressure. I don't even think that the people to whom I'm mailing the letter read my blog but I just thought, in the off chance that they might, that I should get it out there and off my chest. This way, I don't have to tell my family one more time that I refuse.

Thanks, dear internet, for understanding.

16 Months

We took Justice to the doctor last week for his 15 month check up a month late. That's right, he had his 15 month check up AFTER he turned 16 months old. We're not bad parents, the doctor cancelled his 15 month appointment we had scheduled on the day Justice turned 15 months old because HE (the doctor) was sick. So, in we go, dreading the visit but excited at the same time.

You see, we, like so many parents, believe our child is advanced. I think he knows more words than other children his age. I believe his motor skills, gross and fine, are much more highly developed than other children's. He is our prodigy child even if he is normal. We were excited to show him off to the people who could really be impressed. When the nurse asked if Justice knew his body parts, Marty asked Justice if he could show us his eyes. At that point Justice pointed to his nose. When the nurse asked if Justice was walking, Marty corrected her by saying Justice was running. When the nurse asked if Justice was eating table food, Marty made sure she knew he ate a packet of oatmeal every morning for breakfast. (Some of that might be an exaggeration but not much). I too, am proud of my son and his physical and verbal accomplishments. While I didn't try and get Justice to perform I realized it would have been futile. Justice has a certain finesse with which he accomplishes his tasks that other children lack and I know that a doctor or nurse definitely couldn't pick that up in the 30 seconds they spent in the room.

We were also excited to find out his stats. He is now 26 lbs 14 oz and 34 1/2 inches tall. He's as tall as a 2 year old. He is his daddy's child.

On the other hand, we knew there were shots coming and what that does to Justice. I hate watching my kid scream his head off because someone is poking his with a needle. What I wasn't anticipating was that Justice remembered this place. He knew that we were in the place where they poked him last time and he did not like it. He remembered and thought he'd let us know by screaming the entire time a doctor or nurse was in the room. Yep. That was fun. He did, however, find those fun red, white and green buttons to push which kept him occupied for the better part of an hour.

He's getting too big too fast. I say that all the time but it grieves my heart.

He spent the past two days in Thomasville with my mom, dad, brother, sister-in-law and niece. He had a blast riding Ella's tricycle and sliding down the slide into their kiddie pool. He ate at Ella's Dora the Explorer table in a big kid's chair last night. He had his first trip to Chuck E Cheese while there and I am not at all disappointed in the fact that he went without me.

I hope that trip will make up for the dr.'s visit.

She's not much but she's still mine.

I suppose it's not that dramatic but it is pretty disappointing. While we were at Bible Conference our lovely realtor/friend called to say we'd had an offer on our house. We counter-offered and spent the next few days going over paperwork and details but by the end of the week, we had nailed everything down. Now all that was left to be done was the home inspection and the financing for them.

Since then we've been looking online at houses, writing down MLS numbers, dreaming, imagining what a new house would mean. I spent my nights drifting off to sleep by saying goodbye in my mind to my old house. I'd go through each room and remember what happened in them. I've never had a home that has been as good to me as this one.

Two days ago I got a call from Sunshine. "It looks like they're pulling out," she says. What? Why? They blamed it on the home inspection but there wasn't anything in the home inspection that was major.

I feel like someone has taken a huge crap in the middle of the bathroom floor instead of in the toilet where it's supposed to go. I'm upset that they snubbed my lovely little home. I'm pissed that they didn't see her potential. I'm floored that they could just walk away from her. It's hard not to take it personally.

On top of all that - it's all brand spanking new. If only people could see what that house looked like when we moved in and what we lived through to make it what it is today. I know that the first person to look would be astonished. Astonished I tell you!

Se la vie.

Hey, you wanna buy a house?

Crazy Month

So, I had eye surgery and as it turns out, the healing time really does take six to eight weeks. There isn't any pain left just very fuzzy vision which is quite annoying most days.

Other than that we've had a very busy month. We went to Charlotte to visit Nonnie and Poppa. My dad still swears that Justice said Poppa even though he wasn't around to hear it. We went to TMI where Justice crawled into a cupboard and drove a bus.
See?




Then we came home and Marty and I headed to TYI where we had a pretty exciting week that occured on little to no sleep whatsoever. I think the highlight of my week was getting to spend time with Russ, Charlotte and their kids. Russ and Charlotte tried to convince Joe (their oldest) that Marty's parents are giants who live in the mountains of North Carolina. It didn't work but was still funny. We had some incredible conversations with friends which are always the best part of any event. Other than that, the ropes course was exhilirating.

This weekend Marty is headed to Tampa for Thomas and Jessica's wedding and then next week we're in Waynesville, NC for Bible Conference. Yippee!

Perhaps by the time I get home I'll be able to see clearly enough to see all of the words I misspelled in this post.

This Morning

7:15 a.m. - got out of bed
8:10 a.m. - went downstairs for breakfast
8:24 a.m. - pulled out of the parking lot
8:29 a.m. - pulled in to work

God bless the Courtyard Marriott and God bless my husband who thought it was high time we have a night off. We went to eat at our favorite sushi restaurant - Ru Sans. We had a long, beautiful conversation over latte's and a donut at Starbucks. We slept in a king-size bed and we woke up late.

We did all of this without being interupted by a screaming child who has recently become a picky eater or a non-eater - whatever you want to call that. We did all of this without having to pick up a random fork or spoon from the floor. We did all of this without having to order something that he might eat from the children's menu and then have his grubby hand reach for something on our plate. We did all of this without having to worry about changing a diaper or making sure he has milk and tylenol and his antibiotic. And the best part of all - I slept an hour late this morning and got dressed without him pulling on my shirt-tail or skirt crying because he wants to be held.

Please don't misunderstand, I love my son. I don't really think any of you, dear readers, thought I didn't but I think that's reassurance for myself. I love him dearly. I would dig a hold to China for him. I would cross any ocean, climb any mountain. Sometimes, however, absence makes the heart grow fonder and to be quite honest, I could do with another night away. I'm sorry little one but that's the truth. He's been going through a little thing lately called teething. All the parents out there who are reading this just went "Oh" collectively. I could feel it. It was a pity "oh" because they know how gruelling a teething child can be. And when I say he's teething, we're not talking about A tooth coming in. Currently, he's working on five. Yes, five with another one about to break the surface any day now. So, time away was such a blessed thing. I wish we had the money and could afford to do so every month. It's nice to be away - even for just a little while.

In other news, I'm getting LASIK done on Wednesday. Yes, I am voluntarily subjecting myself to surgery for the sake of improved, nay, perfect eyesight. For all of you non-contact, non-glasses, perfect vision people out there, you have no idea how lucky you are. But just to give you a small glimpse - here is what LASIK will mean for me. I will be able to stand at the mirror in the morning and be able to put my makeup on without having to be so close to the mirror that I get mascara on it. I will be able to lay my head on a pillow at night and see the room around me. I will be able to see the alarm clock in the middle of the night without squinting. I will be able to know for sure that this is definitely shampoo I am putting in my hair and not conditioner - since the bottles are exactly the same except for the tiny print distinguishing the two. I will be able to wear sunglasses. I will be able to walk around without having to push glasses up on my nose. I will be able to play with my kid without worrying about him knocking my glasses off my face and breaking them. The list could go on and on but I will stop for now. I am a little concerned about the pain afterwards. My friend at work had the same procedure done last year that I am having done on Wednesday and she said it felt like she had shards of glass in her eyes during the recovery. So, hopefully the doctor's office will be right on that front and it will only feel like I have an eyelash in my eye but I'm not really counting on it.

Anyway, I've got a busy week ahead of me. It's nice to be refreshed on a Monday morning instead of worn out from a weekend of chasing and lifting and fighting and playing with Justice.

I'm excited for the week ahead.

Last Night

Do you ever wake up in the morning feeling like you were beaten up in the middle of the night but can't remember why. I know that for all of my friends who might imbibe every once in a while this may not sound all that foreign but for me, this morning was awful. However, I knew just why I felt that way - his name is Justice.

At 3:30 this morning he awoke. I gave him some tylenol for the fever he had and expected him to go right back to sleep. Nope, no dice. Around 5 a.m. he went back to sleep and well, so did I, finally.

There aren't a whole lot of times when he pulls these sort of stunts but this morning when he woke up at 7 am refusing to be put down - at all, or fed, or changed, or coaxed, I honestly thought that I might take him to the Kiddie Bank and sell him to the highest bidder.

I know, he doesn't feel good but there are days when sleep deprivation kills all of your rational brain cells.

My friend over at http://hownowwit.blogspot.com/ posted this challenge that she pulled off of another blog she reads. L is a fantastic writer and you should go check her out. For the three people who still read my blog, I decided to take the challenge because, well, what else am I going to do right now?

Once again, Little White Liar has posted a Composition Challenge, and I'm obliged to...um...oblige:

Make a list of 5-10 things you want. Make them things you personally want for you (no Miss America "World Peace" shenanigans). Then think of one thing you need. You can't already have it, because really, who do you think you are? Just rubbing your self-contentment in everybody's gaping life-holes.



What do I want?

1. I want more me time. I spend a good part of my life doing things for other people. I clean, I cook, I lug a 13 month around. I would love to be able to have a night that's just mine every week. The trouble is it's not really possible because of #2.

2. I want more time with my family. I know, it sounds crazy but I do. I want to be able to stay home with my son during the week sometimes. I want Marty and I not to travel so much. I want us to be together more. I believe in quality time and I also believe in quantity time and so far, I'm not getting enough quantity time.

3. I want something new and challenging. This may get me into a little bit of trouble but I'd like a new challenge in my life. I have held the same position for eight years. Straight out of college I started working here and have ever since (obviously). I'd like a place that exercises a different part of my brain - pushes me farther - teaches me more - takes more effort. I like my job - especially the part that allows me to be around young adults but I'm up for a new something or another.

4. I want sleep. I feel like this is quite possibly my motto. I'm a light sleeper. When I change locations, I don't sleep well and I've been changing locations quite frequently. I've also been going nonstop for 2 weeks. This is not a call for pity. It's just the truth. I'm the type of person who needs 8 hours of sleep every night to function properly. I don't get 8 hours often enough. Thus, I just want sleep - not more (although it's true) just enough.

5. I want to see the world. Because of my job I have been and seen so many places but it's not enough. I want more. I love culture. I love ethnic food. I love languages. I love to watch how people from foreign countries interact. I love the history of other places. I want to live somewhere that's not here. So, let's go!

1 thing I need:

Something in my brain that can recall the thing I just forgot. I know, weird, but way too often I leave my office or my room at home and wind up in front of the person for whom I had a question and cannot for the life of me remember the stupid question. This doesn't just happen to me once in a while. It happens all the time. I suppose what I need is a better memory but seriously, I would just be happy with a device that was like a bring up file. It would bring up the image or question or whatever I just forgot.

By the way, I also think that there are invisible shields in doorways and stairways that make you forget things and you don't realize it until you're actually standing in front of that person making a fool out of yourself!

My 1 Year Old

Today Justice turns 1. How completely and incredibly life has changed in just one year. This morning he woke up and we sang him "Happy Birthday." He loves that song. He smiles and giggles when you sing it to him.

We celebrated his birthday last Saturday with a big shin dig. He didn't like the cake so much. I shoved his hand in there and he simply did not want all that icing all over his hand. So, he slung it everywhere. I'm sure there is probably bright blue icing in places I didn't find on Saturday - like behind the bookcase or inside the air vent. He did, however, love opening the presents but couldn't understand why I kept taking them away just to give him another. The kid is truly loved. He got A LOT of presents - too many if you ask me. We are now faced with the dilemma of figuring out where to put the myriad of toys now.

He was absolutely adorable though. He had a birthday boy hat that he dutifully wore with his Sesame Street Overalls. His favorite present was the Radio Flyer wagon that his Nonnie and Poppa gave him and in which his Granny and Pop Pop dutifully pulled him around. We kept trying to move him on to other toys but as soon as I would pull him out, he would want back in.

My boy now says "Ma ma" but not often. This has been the best thing in the world to me. He says "no," "Da Da," and "uh oh" but finally, FINALLY he says "Ma Ma." Usually it's only when crying but I don't care. He says it!

I read an article last night about how women who have children tend to lose brain cells. They cease being concerned about politics or getting in the latest book by insert favorite author. They stop needing to be updated on the nightly news. Mother's are consumed by thoughts of nutrition and cleanliness. They continually consider whether or not their children are developmentally on track. And, on top of that, worry that they have nothing to contribute to the normal conversations because, let's face it, not everyone wants to talk about your child every second of the day. What the author realized, however, was that even though mothers aren't concerned about the nightly news which will change tomorrow, they are concerned about the future and have the greatest impact upon it through their children. I was buoyed up. I so often feel like I have nothing else to talk about but Justice Justice Justice. I know not everyone else wants to constantly talk about him but I can't help sharing that he's said a new word or is pointing now or has figured out a puzzle. He's the most fulfilling thing in my life and I find that he is my greatest accomplishment. So, today, on his 1st birthday, I will linger a little bit longer than normal on the conversation about him. I will think a little bit deeper about the impact being a mother has made on me. I will consider how much richer and fuller my life is because of him. I will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is my greatest joy and could quite possibly be the cause of my deepest sorrow.

So, today, he turns 1 and as a Mother, I turn 1. His life has changed mine into a deeper place of love and beauty. Thank you my handsome boy.

Past Due Update

So, I realize that it's been quite a while since I've posted anything about Justice. Everything is going by way too quickly. I watch him all the time and he does something new every day. The biggest deal is that he started walked around 9 1/2 - 10 months. He looks like a drunk when he's walked around but he's getting better and better at it all the time. This past weekend I watched him stand up on his own - no help from an object or person, just went from crawling around on his feet and hands to standing.

He's got so much personality now. His laugh is contagious and it's constant. He's usually talking - it's nonsense but he's talking. He says "Da Da" and has been for a while but lately I think he actually knows who "Da Da" is and says it at the appropriate time - sometimes.

He knows how to tell me he's full. He loves phones and holds it up to his ear even though no one is talking back to him. He's mimicking sound. I can say, "Helllllooooo Justice" and he'll reply "aaaaaaoooo" which to me sounds like Hello even if no one else can hear it.

He initiates games of Peek a Boo now. He loves being around kids who are the same age as he is. He might not know how to play with people yet but he knows how to imitate them.

They are starting to transition him into the toddler room. He spent 2 hours in there yesterday and when they went to put him back into the infant room he pulled away. The day before they had just put him in there when Marty arrived and he didn't want to leave.

My boy's getting so big so fast. This weekend is his first Easter. I can't wait to watch him bang the little plastic eggs together because, let's face it, Easter Egg "hunt" is totally lost on him.

Marty said to me today, "He's so much more fun now than he was when he was 2 months old." I have to agree.

Here are a few pictures just to let you see how big he is. This parenting thing is so much fun!

The Sturdy Kind

So, two Saturdays ago, my goals were not big in number:

1. Go grocery shopping
2. Go BUY BRAS!!!

After having Justice a lot has changed. I'd been holding out to wait to see if the girls were going to change any more. It has been 2 1/2 months since I stopped nursing. I figured I had waited long enough.

So, I loaded Justice up and headed out to the Sturdy Bra store. Not the sexy bra store mind you. Bra Manufacturers only make 1 of 2 types - sturdy or sexy. I require the sturdy kind.

So, I'm pushing Justice along, he's dangling his legs, we're dodging people and other strollers. We reach the sturdy bra store and HOLY CRAP!!! MY FRIEND'S IN-LAWS ARE CHECKING OUT!!! This couple is an awkward couple. They just don't know when the conversation is over usually. They tend to stare and linger. AND THERE THEY ARE!!! I KNOW THEY HAVE JUST BOUGHT SOMETHING FOR HER. I'm totally weirded out. I wave politely and push through. I keep my head down and buried in the racks. I am, after all, on a mission.

I think they've gone. They had already paid and were out the door. I've got my butt up in the air, digging through the bottom rack of BRAS to find my size when I hear it. The one word that indicates they have not left the store but are in fact standing behind me - which is the best view.

"Joy."

Yes, exactly. There weren't words for my thoughts at that point in time. "Oh, hello" I say as I stand up and greet them. AWKWARD! AWKWARD! AWKWARD! My mind reels.

"I've never met Justice and I wanted to meet him."

"AND NOW IS REALLY THE APROPRIATE TIME!"

"Oh sure," I say as I turn Justice's stroller which now has a few bras hanging from the back of it around to see them. Mind you, the sturdy bras. Justice, of course, was friendly.

I honestly can't remember what happened after that. There were a few more words and then they left. I immediately call my friend who belongs to these in laws and got NO REACTION. She wasn't in a place where a reaction was possible. SO WHAT!! I need SOMEONE to laugh with me. And nothing.

It never fails though, does it? Bra shopping, of the sturdy or sexy kind, never fails to be awkward or embarrassing. Sometimes, however, you just have a little help from a few friends...or their in laws. You know, whatever.

At least my dad wasn't there yelling "What size, Joy? What size?" Yes, that really happened.

Inhibition

Children, especially babies, have all these qualities that have yet to be destroyed by the world. Of course there's innocence and purity. We get that. The one that I've been noticing lately in Justice is his lack of inhibition. He doesn't understand yet that there are actions in this world which just aren't suitable for certain occasions - like crying in church, or falling asleep for that matter. He doesn't get that it's not appropriate to yell at the table or whine.

For instance, at every meal, Justice has an incredible time. He laughs, he plays, he yells. At least once, during the course of each meal, he simply raises his hand, palm up and says, "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" It's a yell. He hasn't just discovered something. He's simply raising his hand because he can and wants to. There's no inhibition there. He's not worried about what people will think. He's not worried about whether or not people will stare. Actually, he knows they will. He also knows (I think) that they will smile and laugh at him.

The other day I was walking in the small workout room at THQ. I was listening to a pretty great mix of music. All upbeat. All fun. At one point in one of the songs, I wanted to clap my hands and dance. Now, understand, I was the only one in the room. Just outside of that room, however, the mail person has a desk. People pass by those glass doors all the time. So, I restrained. I didn't dance. I didn't clap. I thought about singing along but thought someone might hear me. I WAS ALONE!!! If Justice had been there, he would've danced.

I can really learn a lot from the babbles of my nine month old. Next time, don't look at me funny if perhaps I am daring enough to sing along.

Another Decade Older

I'm sure 30 is supposed to be a benchmark in life. Perhaps you're supposed to have accomplished things or met some goals - something. I know people who've been depressed by 30.

I turned 30 last Tuesday. The day was marked by 2 naps and 2 meals with the Territorial Band. One of those naps was taken with my little boy and after being away from him for 10 days - that was the best present ever.

So far, I've had two parties - one at Maggiano's where we stuffed ourselves full. The second was last night. There was a surprise party at my mom and dad's house. Small gathering of good friends and good food - it was really nice. Got a few presents and had a lot of laughs.

I've been trying to come up with something profound to say that would mark turning 30 but I can't come up with anything. Be frie sent me a card that said, "20 is the new 30." So, I'm claiming it. I don't feel as old as I thought 30 was when I was 20. I don't think as old as I thought I would think when I was 20. I know that people who are 20 look at me like I'm old but I'm okay with that. I wouldn't trade 30 for 20 anyday. Turns out, I like me at this age and stage. I may not have that body anymore but I feel like fine wine. My character is deeper; my life is richer; my relationships are more lasting.

I couldn't help but think about how quickly the next 10 years will go and where I might be then. I don't normally set far off goals. I'm far too fickle for that. Besides, I might change my mind! What I did think about was my family and what we'll look like then.

It's strange to think that I'll have a 10 year old boy running around at that time. By then there will hopefully be more children and perhaps a few we've adopted. Perhaps we'll live overseas or perhaps Marty will have a recording contract. Perhaps we'll sell our house and live in a RV and travel the country. Probably not. As it turns out, I'm sort of looking forward to growing old. I do, however, fully enjoy exactly where I am at this place in my life. I'm acutely aware of how extremely and abundantly blessed I am.

The Lord has been good to me - more than good.

Happy Birthday to me!