Musings

I had a dream last week that was quite scary but in the retelling of it, it sounds quite ridiculous and juvenile. Basically, I was kidnapped and made to play in a game that would cost my life as well as the life of my husband and son unless I won the game. I suppose that doesn't sound juvenile or ridiculous after all. The other players would win my car if they came out on top. I know, a little twisted and crazy but the truth nonetheless. I was entered into the game because it was my car - no more, no less. At the end of the dream though (as happens in dreamland) I realized that I was part of a terrorist attack because I believe in Jesus and that my prayers would be answered whether I lived or died. The dream didn't finish. I woke up before my end came or that of my husband or son.

Here's what woke me up. I realized near the end of the dream that this would never be me. I don't live a life that's so different from everyone else that I could be targeted in anti-Christian terrorism. Maybe as an American or as a woman but probably not as one who believes in Jesus.

Please understand, I don't want to be a target for terrorism. I don't want to be a target period but part of me believes that I should. I should want to live a life so different from culture, so counter cultural that I would be a target. That I would have to "carry my cross and follow" Jesus to my death.

Such morbid musings. I know. I guess I enter into places such as this intermittently throughout the year because like so many other people my age, I don't want to live a mediocre life. I don't think I do on most days but then there are days when I realize that I have not yet reached my full potential and I become saddened. What would my life look like if I did? Where would I live? What would I do? Who would I hang out with? Where would I go to church? Would I recycle? Would I make all my own clothes? Would I only buy fair trade?

Sure. I do my part but I know there's more.

What would you do if you could do anything?

Me? I think I'd live overseas to help fight hunger, homelessness and poverty. Big dreams huh?

So, go on, tell me what you'd do. Don't comment on my hopes. What are yours?