So, this Friday I'll be 16 weeks pregnant. It's strange to think that four months have passed already.
What's also strange are the things you never think you'll mind before you're pregnant but ABSOLUTELY MIND once you are pregnant. I think a part of me thought that with pregnancy came an extra dose of grace to give that perhaps makes you more radiant. I missed the extra dose of grace somewhere and I'm definitely not feeling radiant at all. Most of the time I feel like slapping hands and biting people's heads off. Hopefully it's just a stage.
So, while I have to admit that when my other friends were pregnant, I did touch their bellies. However, I ALWAYS ASKED FIRST. There are now several women that I barely know who simply think it's there God-given right to touch what doesn't belong to them - in passing. I'm not even showing all that much yet!!
Then, there are those who have forgotten that I'm a person and simply know me as pregnant and have nothing else to ask me but how I feel. I know. Everyone's trying to be supportive and sympathetic but I feel normal. I'm still just a regular girl!
Perhaps the one that makes me the most livid are those who think it's funny to insist that I'm having twins!! I know the truth. I've seen the sonogram. There's only one heartbeat in there, only one set of arm buds and leg buds, only one egg sac. So, why should it bother me when I know it isn't true? I think it comes down to ignorance. It sends chills down my spine like nails down a chalkboard that people WHO HAVE NEVER EVEN HAD A BABY think they might know better than I do what might come out of my body. Why would anyone want to add extra fear to your already crazy hormones? Why would anyone want to wish on you two babies when you're scared to death that you might not be able to handle just one. It's just plain rude and mean. I also think it comes down to the steps I'm on in my journey never being enough for others. We all get it, right? When you're dating everyone wants to know when you'll get engaged. When you're engaged, everyone wants to know when you'll get married. And then, the day after you get married, people not only want to know but feel like it's their duty to pressure you into having children. Then, when you are going to have a child, that's still not enough! It has to be two! Just let me be for Pete's sake!
Perhaps these days I'm just a little bit more hormonal than usual (go figure) and the only one to receive my rage is poor Marty and you - dear internet.
So, words to the wise for those of you who aren't pregnant. Treat pregnant women like they're normal. If you wouldn't normally ask them how they're doing, just keep on walking. If you're not close enough to pat her stomache when she's not pregnant at least have the decency to ask while she's pregnant. And for God sakes, NEVER EVER tell a woman she's having twins as her first child. If she is, then celebrate with her but if she's not celebrate with her what she is having.
Oh, and one more thing, don't ask her if she should be eating or drinking "that." Don't ask her if she's capable of carrying something. If she can't do it, she won't - it's as simple as that.
Please I ask you! Stop the madness.
From a woman who's about to lose all decorum. Thank you.
7 comments:
Oh...Joy Marie...I want to give you a hug. I think I would be one of those that would pat your stomach baby or no baby..partly because "that's how we roll" and partly due to my lack of manners.
I say get it all out, girl. Not that I am laughing at your frustration (exactly) but I couldn't help but giggle as I heard your voice in your post. Hormones can't be harnessedm they just have to fly sometimes!
Hang in there- I am so excited for you. Love, anna
so....how you doin'?
Love ya girl. Miss you. Wish I were there to punch some people out for you. Just send them my way....Hope to see you soon.
this too shall pass...i cannot fathom what it is like to have a little one growing inside you, but the joy and love that will come after all is said and done, this this is what fulfills.
i wanted to read your whole post, but i couldn't because i'm so busy knitting two bonnets, two blankets and two pairs of booties for your twins. also, i keep getting distracted because all of these women keep walking by. which means that i have to keep jumping out of my chair and patting their respective stomachs. i wish i knew their names. then i could monogram blankets for their twins, too.
hang in there.
i can totally understand. everyone's got an opinon and stupid little jokes...the best advice i was ever given: don't take anyone's advice. and it isn't just your hormones...it's ridiculous. people think they are so damn cute and they are not. i love ya and can totally relate so anytime you want to vent or compare stories i am here! take a deep breath and just know you and your little peanut will be fine. and don't worry about marty -maybe our hormonal snaps are what they have to deal with...although nine months, hormones,labor and delivery and body changes don't really add up to a fair trade for a semi punching bag....but these are the joys of womanhood...ahhhh yes the "joys" ... big hug...and no belly pats... :)
Joy... wow after reading this I have to give you a hand... go girl... working in a office with three pregnant woman and going to a corps where there are alot as well... all those woman would agree with you. Wish I could just give you a hug and hang in there... just think about the awesome creation being made in that belly! What to go! love you
i am just smiling so big! all that you said.... oh so VERY true.
i am not one who likes to be touched especially not by strangers, so the whole belly touching thing was my biggest annoyance... and it did happen - a lot - and it won't stop happening. the bigger you get the more they will touch AND they certainly won't start asking! i had joked with eric that i would construct a badge (button in American) that i could pin to the front of my belly button that read: "look but don't touch - but if you ABSOLUTELY must - please ask first". of course, that never came about, but i'd be happy to make you one if you'd like!
just wait until you're in your 7th-9th months (well actually 10th - 40 weeks, 4 weeks in a month - you do the math - i was quite upset when i figured this out 'another month?!') the questions people ask can be quite outrageous - "is your bellybutton an inny or outy?" (i was mortified the first time someone asked me that - who cares and why is it their business?)!! "how does it feel having a baby on your bladder?" "are you ready?"..... you will soon find out that the answers to most questions are so damn obvious that you have to do a double take every time you are asked! as far as the twins thing - i only got that occasionally and usually when i was near the end (VERY VERY BIG)... then i thought it was cute but obviously stupid for anyone to suggest twins at that point!
also - absolutely with you on the whole drinking/eating/carrying thing. do people really think that pregnant women don't know what they are doing? obviously we are not going to do anything that may harm us or the little one that we are growing inside... duh!
finally, hormones are a wonderful thing - especially pregnancy hormones. this is the one time that we can truly say WHATEVER we want and TOTALLY get away with it because we have a legitimate excuse.... have fun with it! our husbands may well be the ones who bear the brunt of our bickering and mood swings etc, but as eric will tell you, having watched the labor and delivery and recovery, he would gladly be my punching bag any day not to have to go through all that! that's what husbands are for - they cannot experience (nor could most of them tolerate) the physical part of child birth (and pregnancy) so they, in turn, must tolerate the mental anguish that we cause them! hehehehe
we MUST do coffee soon!
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