People keep asking me when I'm due. I think I might answer that one question on average about 3 times a day. I don't mind (April 22, by the way)I think the part that scares me is the response that usually follows. "It's coming!" or "It'll be here before you know it!" Perhaps to some women that's reassurance - "Thank goodness it's almost over," "it can't come fast enough," "i'm ready." However, for me, that response scares me to death.
Please know, I'm really starting to enjoy being pregnant. I don't mind people touching my belly anymore not since I started to feel him move around anyway. I don't mind people asking how I'm feeling. But perhaps that's the problem too. I'm just now starting to get the hang of it and I'm over the half way mark! Marty looked at me last night and said, "Just 13 more weeks!" I think I might have gone into shock.
When people respond, "Not long now," all I can think of is the mess that still clutters my home under the guises of kitchen remodeling and the mess my husband calls his office which is actually where he keeps his clothes piled on a chair and a lot of musical instruments. All of this stands in the way of a room becoming a nursery and me feeling a little bit more secure about a baby coming home with us one day. All of that haunts me when someone says, "not long now!" "I'll never be ready," is my immediate thought. I suppose that's why people look at me with such confusion after they give a remark that probably brings relief to women and my face simply scrunches up and I give a pathetic, "yeah."
So, basically, I just wanted to let the world know, via this source, that I really am excited. If it doesn't look like it when you're trying to be assuring please forgive me. The fear just seems to take over at the most inopportune times. I'll try better from now on I promise. We're getting there as far as being prepared but in the meantime, please accept my apologies.
Thank you most sincerely,
Joy
4 comments:
I absolutely think that it is MORE than okay to feel completely scared, excited, anxious and unprepared when people continuously remind you how close your due date is! But fear not, you will be ready. Every mother is. Regardless of how far along the nursery is and how much more there is to buy and/or get done. Because as soon as you hold your son in your arms for the first time, you know that nothing else matters and that he will have everything he ever needs - a loving mommy and daddy.
If you need help doing ANYTHING please let me know (I will cook, clean, sort, shop.... you name it).
We need to get together again soon!
Emma
yeah. i think you are more normal than you're giving yourself credit for.
Both my kids were early and both times I went into labour I cried because I wasn't ready. It's perfectly normal to feel that way. I think it's best to be thrown into it, though. That way you don't get to overthink everything and analyze too much. I'm sure you're doing beautifully, despite what you feel.
Joy,
I know we do not talk as much as we use to via...college...BUT first I wanted to say congrats on the lil' one on the way. My son will be two on April 21 so it is exciting.
Everything you expressed was completely how I felt-- I just wished i could explain in as easily as you did instead being agitated when people ask me, "How far along are you? or whatever"...It just reminded that sooner or later (much sooner) that he was coming and I couldn't stop it ..to enjoy him more in my belly! :) Enjoy and Savor every minute you can.
Congrats to you and your husband... much love always...Alanna :)
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